I am not sure what to expect.I don't what to feel if things are good, or bad. Hopefully, some of you could shed some light on it for me. Life seems to be going "ok." D-Day was in early October and life was (still is) tumultuous for several months. WS says she has not talked to OM since early November and she had told me about that when it happened. Lately, we have done little talking about the A. We have gotten along OK and have been talking "normally" about regular everyday things work, kids, things etc. I think I have done well eliminating the LB's. Last weekend was a "great one." Lots of affection from both of us. This weekend was ok. A little affection from her(a hug). The one thing that keeps me going is she is more "goofy" around me than she has been in awhile. I know, all this sounds like we are well on our way to recovery, but other fears creep into my mind. Like, we had one of our rare conversations about the A last Thursday. It sarted because I got one of those gut feeling they were still talking. She told me the were not (I wish I could accept that at face value but since Oct that is difficult) but she said that she still wants to call him "just to see how he is doing." She says that in the past she has even lifted up the phone receiver to call but could never go through with it. Other things that make me question our "recovery" is sometimes when I want to show affection she is somewhat reluctant. She has never completely refused it or been nasty about it but sometimes it doesn't seem like it is accepted with open arms. Lastly, I still wonder if we are doing the right thing staying together. I found myself thinking this when I drove home yesterday after picking up Mexican food for lunch. About 1/2 way home I realized I had forgotten to pickup the chips and salsa and I became mortified by the thought of having to deal with her and the anger she would unleash..........all over chips and salsa. What kind of life is it having to deal with that on a daily basis? Is this recovery? Is this reconcillation? When or how do we move from "lets take it day by day" to "lets commit ourselves to rebuilding." If anyone has been in this situation, advise would be helpful.

Have either of you read Surviving An Affair (available on this website)? That is the best place to start. How Affairs Should End is the chapter that tells exactly how to end the A the right way in order to prepare for recovery. There is a checklist on page 66 at the end of the chapter.<p>There are three basic stages to rebuilding a M after an A: Separation from the OM for life, then Withdrawal from the addiction to the OM, THEN she will be ready for Recovery. Recovery is when both partners are actively working to rebuild the M.<p>If she is still in contact with the OM, then you are in Plan A and not in recovery. You can explain the SAA process of ending the A (I would present the items on the checklist as not coming from a book, but just things you need from her in order to prepare for recovery) and ask her if she is willing to do those things. If you run into any balking, you should immediately back pedal and let it go and do no more talking about the A or even the M until she exhibits some interest in contributing to the rebuilding of the M.<p>A lot of WSs are not receptive to having their needs met by the BS while they are still in Withdrawal from their addiction to the OP, so that may be where your W's reluctance about affection is from. I've found it helpful to think of the interaction between my H and me as a teeter-totter, and I try to keep it in balance. I try to mirror his distance so that I'm not any closer to the center of the teeter-totter than he is. Every once in awhile you can try moving closer, but if she moves back, then you need to move back, too. Hope that makes sense. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]