Here's the story.<p>Most of you know that it took 13 years to get H to admit to the fling with the STD Tramp. He still doesn't admit to anything else. although I suspect at least 3 others over the years, the most recent being the thing with Cafe Woman almost 4 years ago.<p>I've been doing pretty good at not LBing, and trying to do Plan A to my best ability, although I'm still a terrible housekeeper (only so much time in a day when you run a business!) Anyway, since the bar closed down, H isn't going out there anymore, and he still isn't going around Cafe Woman.<p>I did have a meltdown in September, because he told me that the reason he wasn't going to Cafe Woman's restaurant had nothing to do with my feelings, but because she made him mad. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>During the fight, he told me that I had a terrible attitude....that our daughter had considered quitting her job with us because of the way I treated her. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] He also told me that he had considered divorcing me when the kids got grown, but kept thinking that maybe I'd change (like he didn't need to???).<p>Anyway, this morning, D was complaining about Daddy calling her and jumping on her case because she didn't know where he had put something, and that she wished he would go fishing somewhere for a couple of weeks and leave us alone. <p>Anyway, it came about that I asked her if she had ever considered quitting because of the way I treated her at work. She said, "No, but I've thought about it because of Daddy's fits." I said, "Well, Daddy said that you told him you wanted to quit because of the way I treated you here at work." "Well, Mama, where did that come from? I think we get along pretty good."<p>So, it seems that my H has no qualms about lying in order to hurt me. Another withdrawal from MY love bank! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>What do y'all think?<p> Another issue is that I am never supposed to express any dissatisfaction with anything he does. For example, yesterday, we were painting a door. I was being very careful to not get any paint on the hinges. H reaches over to brush some paint on a spot I missed and smeared paint on one of the hinges. All I said was, "Ohhhhh!" as I wiped the paint off. He immediately yells at me, "Don't jump on my @$$." I said, "Honey, I wasn't going to jump on you." "Yeah, you were!" I just let it drop, but that sort of stuff just totally ticks me off.<p>And, this is the guy who "doesn't need counseling"!!! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Bumping up for advice.<p>I'm thinking that I shouldn't say anything at this time, but the next time he does something like this, stay calm and tell him that I don't believe him. The only problem with saying anything to him at all is that he'll say he never told me that about our D. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

I have been in a similar situation (different circumstances) but basically had to deal with someone who stretched the truth and changed the characters.....so that turned into a lie. <p>My way of dealing with it is to give them enough rope to hang themselves. You did that, you checked out his story and found it full of holes. So I would (later when he is a better mood), share with him how you need to be treated and then casually mention that by the way, dear, the next time you want to turn my daughter against me make sure you both have the same story. Then drop it. <p>JMHO,
L.

Thanks, Orchid,<p>I think the best thing to do is to just wait until the right opportunity presents itself...like when it happens again (and it probably will). Then, I will calmly tell him that it's not the truth and that I don't appreciate the guilt trip he's trying to lay on me.<p>He wasn't trying to turn D against me; he was trying to convince me that I'm such an awful b**** that my own kids can't stand to be around me. Apparently, it's OK for him to make me feel guilty, but not OK to feel guilty, himself. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My kids know how much I love them, and they know that I am always there for them. In fact, they complain about their daddy all the time to me, although I try to explain their Dad's POV about things. We even had an employee lose his temper the other day and tell my H that the way he acted was why people quit working for him; the employee later apologized.<p>As for me, I can feel myself withdrawing from him...not wanting to be around him much, although I am continuing Plan A, being sweet, affectionate, etc. Things like this just bring back all the hurtful things he's told me over the past 30 years. It's really done a number on my self-esteem, but my self-esteem is better now than it has been for a very long time. I guess that's the benefit of Plan A.