this am i asked my stbx to meet with me this afternoon and talk. after being on this site and reading reading reading...i thought i was ready to try to save our marriage even though he had his A. i prayed and made copies of articles here and read them before i went in.<p>We met and he kept telling me that he thought "divorce" was the best option for us. i told him i didn't want a divorce..and wanted to try to work this out. no go. told him that i thought we needed some time to try to work this out. OW not in picture anymore..(or so he says) "she was too needy and got mad because I had time for my daughter but not here" <p>guess i was foolish because i thought we had a bond and a child..we have been through so much together (see post on divorce/divorcing..my soap opera story)<p>I think i am still in shock over his refusal to try to work things out, but at least i won't have to look back and say "what if" because i didn't try.<p>this hurts so bad. at least i am not in limbo anymore and can move forward...scarey ...<p>so if he calls me and says he has thought twice about his decision...what do i say? i am so tired of being hurt.<p>i feel like my heart has been ripped out !<p>after all the praying for a decision...guess the old saying of "be careful what you pray for" is true. just never thought of a negative response and didn't prepare myself for it...duh!<p>oh well, now rather than reading about trying to rebuild my marriage i must go back to the divorce sites and read about ending it.<p>thanks all<p>I am so sad and tired and lonely. Either choice

Read this thread immediately:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=014880

I wouldn't give up too soon. My H hated me intensely and wanted a divorce when he left me after 19 yrs marriage (see above thread link; that is where I tell my saga).<p>I started reading, and implemented 180's immediately (from Divorce Busting). H noticed.<p>Within one month he was "confused, didn't know what he wanted." Then we started rebuilding our friendship, but his EA was still in the picture.<p>Fast forward to 16 months of separation (I developed more patience than I ever thought I could have, altho at times, I was in the depths of despair)...at that time I implmented even more radical 180's, and H woke up and totally begged and pleaded (for several months) for me to take him back.<p>There is hope but you have to be VERY patient and learn all you can and implement.<p>Carol

Carol...thanks so much for your reply and YES i did read your continuing story...
hope all is going well and much better for you!<p>well to continue mine...H called about 3 hours later to "see if I was ok"...I told him, fine and that I really didn't want to talk and that we just needed to communicate about daughter and divorce info...
that didn't sit too well..his response was "I knew you were going to be this way! I always have to be the bad guy..and communication has always been our problem!"<p>I asked him to just leave me alone for a while so I can start coping with the divorce idea.<p>I prayed and prayed for a decision to be made to get me out of "limbo" and now I am resigned to moving on.<p>After the hell of living with an alcoholic (who now has been in recovery 5 yrs) his addiction to AA (5+ meetings/week) his affair with another AA person, house fire, loss of jobs, major financial problems, my sons depression, my depression, my other sons drug abuse (he's doing great now!), emotional abuse during H's drinking, lack of emotional and sexual needs, and on and on<p>He moved into an apt 3 days after i found out about A. He has his own business and i have NO idea how much income there is! He has bought a new car, new furniture, new computer and digital camera...xmas presents for gf andis spending money like crazy! BUT...he is paying all the bills for both places..like wow.! I didn't know he was making that kind of money..<p>I am going to divorce support group (3rd week) and it helps alot to get out!<p>I feel I have lost myself! I am trying to find ME again! <p>anyway...enough rambling.. am trying to get info on what i need before going to see attorney.