Hi All,<p> I Have been dating my WH since May of 01, previously, Plan B Aug. 00 - May O1, before that d-Day April 00, Plan A till Aug 00.
We've come some distance but still have a quite a way to go. Today we went to see a Knicks game and out to dinner. I asked him during dinner how he thought we were doing and he said he felt we were moving in the right direction. That he felt more comfortable with me and enjoyed being with me. But...the one thing he was having a hard time with was the idea of being physical together again. He doesn't understand why he feels that way he just feels uncomfortable and doesn't understand it. I did my best not to take it personal(!!) and thanked him for being honest.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Is this something typical? I kind of remember reading something about this in "His Needs Her Needs". Our "dating" is going well. I just asked him to go to Retrouvaille in April with me. He didn't agree or disagree but said he'd read through the literature.
Any suggestions?
Kris

Read Trying Again's post entitled " Hey CarolKH.... Can you elaborate on your story."

Well I just tryed to add some info to my profile and I'll see if it comes up. To make a long story short. I have been married 23 years Separated for almost 2. Of those 2 years, one was basically in conflict or Plan B and the remaidner has been in counseling/dating mode. I don't really know where any of this is going But I am confused about us slowly reconnecting but him wanting to feel comfortable with me rather the want push the intimacy piece. He is not invovlved with OW except to help with babysitting. ?????????????????????????????????????????I* just don't know
Kris

Your H sounds similar to mine. I wrote about my saga (at length) in the following thread.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=014880<p>My H was in limbo for A LONG time, and admitted later he would have still been in limbo if he hadn't woken up (due to some radical things I did).<p>Maybe my story will help you.<p>Carol aka Carolkh

Definitely read Carol's story. Encourage Retrouvaille if he exhibits any interest. My H credits our Retrouvaille weekend as when he "fell in love" with me again. He was all over me, never took his hands off me once during that weekend. He hated the religious overtones, though. Hard to believe the main reason I married this man was because of his strong commitment to God! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi,<p> I am confused because Carol was having frequent sex with her husband while they were separeted (after reading her posts). We have been separated almost 2 years. We have gotten to the point where we are friends and finding our way back to each other and now he says one of the stumbling blocks for him is being physical with me. Kick me again Please!! I don't get it. I thought we always did well in that department. In fact he claimed when this whole mess started happening that it wasn't frequent enough or I was the "gatekeeper" so to speak. (control issues being a major problem for us). Is this his guilt? Is he afraid that that means he's committed to getting back together and he can't choose? Truthfully it's more continued hurt. I must have a steel-plated ego by now. What can I do to get passed this or move forward with this?
Kris

I'm rarely on this forum..usually in recovery..but your question caught my eye.<p>What are the chances of just sitting down and flat out talking about this with him...and being radically honest?<p>Bring up all of your fears and hesitations...ask for his...Talk about things like frequency, foreplay, feeling comfortable about asking for sex or refusing if need be.<p>And talk about what sexual intimacy really means to you. Many couples use sexual intimacy becuase it's "safer" than emotional intimacy...See if you can get a discussion going in this area too. For me, I just sorta jumped right in a couple weeks after Dday and literally said.."hey, let's talk about some of this stuff..get it right out on the table and feel free to say things so we can at least iron out something in our relationship." For me/us..sex was a safer place than emotions..those were way too scary at first.<p>But, sex is also a touchy subject, so learning to listen without taking it personally is hard...you've done pretty good with that, QM.
Do you think this suggestion would be a possibility?
T