HI all.<p>I am in a completely confused state.You see i met a woman who made me feel a love i never felt before.Everything was magical...at least i thought it was.And then it began...the fights..arguments...we've eventually calmed down quite a lot and are trying to work things out. The problem is i seem to be the only one who is trying to fix this.She says its too late. Our biggest problem is sex. She doesn't think its important coz she doesn't like it.SEcondly she doesn't like sharing household chores. Whenever i try and talk about any of our problems she says i am trying to change her and that i should love her for who she is.She says we should get married and then try and work things out because then we'll be forced to work things out. We both dont believe in divorce and i know we'd rather be miserable for the rest of our lives than get a divorce.The question is..is it worth it? My heart tells me that sheis the only one for me and i love her just too much. Its just that all the fighting is killing the relationship..but when we break up it takes about a week and then we can't bare to be without each other. What do i do? HOw do i get her to work with me? Should i just marry her and then try and work things out?

Are you serious? Are you trying to keep from losing her or just trying to keep anyone else from getting her?<p>If you are really trying to hang onto this relationship, I say work out the dysfunction in your communication NOW rather than try to resolve by marrying her.<p>Marriage doesn't resolve communication problems, it only intensifies them. If you have a dysfunctional relationship before marriage, you will have a dysfunctional relationship after marriage. You will just have the distraction of planning the wedding to take your mind off the problems temporarily.<p>If you have doubts about a person, please do not marry anyone with doubts in your mind. That's ignoring your conscience because you will look back and be thinking, "Something TOLD me..."<p>Change yourselves now because if you cannot manage your anger and work things out now together, you won't be able to work them out later while you are living underneath the same roof.<p>Go into your marriage with your eyes open, so you can close them after you said I DO. Don't go into your marriage with your eyes closed only to experience the rude awakenings later.<p>If you ignore the red flags now, you will be sorry.

My advice, back off the relationship for a while to give yourself time to think. I would NEVER marry someone just to keep from losing them. NOPE, NEVER. If you've got problems now, take them as a sign that there are things you both need to work on before you'll be any good to ANYONE in a marriage. Please step back and look at things realistically.<p>MOM

NO!<p>If you can not work out your problems before you marry, you will not work them after you marry. Use this site, & the tools provided to work on your relationship & if she is not willing to work on the relationship, she is not the person for you.<p>My STBX & I neither one believed in divorce until he had an A. We are divorcing so he can now live with the new love of his life.<p>Don't set yourself up for a life time of misery.'<p>Get out while you still can.<p>Sorry this is what you most likely didn't want to hear.

Holy mackeral, this sounds like a question from the twilight zone..<p>
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO !!!

Thanks guys.<p>We've decided to split up for a while and give each other some space.Then we are going to try the suggestions in this site.I gave her some of the articles and it seemed to give her some hope.So now she is wiling to work on it and we'll try and solve our problems before jumping into something as serioous as marriage.I supose i could have answered my own question but i just needed someone else to emphasise it.Thanks guys. We're going to try and get the love back and we're going to get back together in 2 weeks or so.Hopefully by then we will be missing each other so much we will want to work things out...alternatively the feelings would have subsided and it will be easier to walk away.<p>I'll let you guys know how it goes!

Please do! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

NEVER GET MARRIED UNLESS YOU ABSOLUTLY WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH HER AND THE FIGHTING. I THINK IT USUALLY ONLY GETS WORSE AFTER MARRIAGE. TOO MUCH IS TAKEN FOR GRANTED. PEOPLE ONLY CHANGE IF THEY WANT TO, NOT BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM TO. THERE IS NO WAY I COULD AGREE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE UNHAPPY. AND YOU WILL END UP DISAPPOINTED IF YOU THINK YOU CAN.
RUN.

Macc,
Were you living together? Sorry, but this old fashioned 43 year old Mom of 3 teenaged boys sees some red flags with the sex issue. I'm glad that you have decided to take a break and then work on the problems.

IMHO, sex is a wonderful part of a committed relationship but a dangerous thing to play around with. Sexual issues can be very different for men and women and of course all are not the same. Many men need sex to feel "close" while many women must feel "emotionally attached" before sex can be fulfilling. I know this sounds like a stereotype but I hope that you look at this relationship very seriously before jumping back in the sack...<p>Marriage is meant to be forever, be careful and seek God's will in this relationship. Ladysing<p>[ February 02, 2002: Message edited by: Ladysing58 ]</p>

NO!!<p>What you see is what you get. If you marry her do it only if you are willing to live with your current situation and worse forever.<p>Saying that neither of you believe in divorce does nothing... almost everyone who gets divorced said that up until the time they got divorced.<p>If you both want to get married, then back off and start courting each other. Read the MB concepts and rebuild your relationship from scratch. Anything less would be a disaster.<p>I've heard love as described as a relationship that makes us feel good about ourselves. Does this relationship make you feel good about yourself? Do you want to feel this self defeated for ever? This relationship sounds like a toxic addiction instead of love.