Hi,
Im new here...like alot of others I've been just checking the place out(smile)....<p>I never ever thought I would be posting under divorce/divorcing!!!<p>
Well here goes....bare with me my heart is fluctuating from my throat to my stomach, ive been up all night crying and i am at work trying to put on a smile but the tears just keep falling <p>I have been married for nine months, I have been with him 11 years...we have two kids, 7 and 2...I have loved him since the first night i met him...I swear, he was the most intelligent, and humble man id ever met, i was only 17 though
: rolleyes :<p>Any who.....fast forward last night i pressed redial to a number i had not seen before...her name was victoria...a very nice girl...never got smart or rude. She explained how she had been seeing him on and off since october, and I asked her straight out if they had slept together, she said yes, and that she was sorry and that she did not know about me. she told me she has a boyfriend and that it should have never happend, i suspected he had been out with her, i called her as he was walking in the door, so i asked her if he had just left her and she said yes.....<p>
he lied to me last night, he denied that they were physical, he even lied about where he met her...i asked if it was a club...he said it was a book store.....i called her this morning and she was very kind to me and patient again, (it was like around eight oclock this morning) she told me that they had met in a club, and that he told her he lived with his roomate ....<p>hearing that was like salt on the wound he is such a liar....he could not even respect me enough to be honest once the truth was out...<p>i have not told him that i spoke to her again this morning....<p>I thanked her for being kind and told her i would not contact her again...<p>
now what...I was so hurt, i started throwing up, i feel sick...if i did not have kids i would end it rather than enduring this pain, and now should I walk around with a smile on my face in front of my kids, i dont think i can....<p>I feel like my heart is liquifing in my chest....this pain is so overwhelming .....my God
knowone deservs this.....KNowone...<p>
thanks for listening...i have to go know cause the tears are really falling and i need to go to the rest room to try to compose myself....

I understand where you are and feel your pain. I found out a week ago yesterday, though it had been suspected for a couple weeks prior.<p>I couldn't breathe when I found out my wife was with someone else. I couldn't eat (still not very well), couldn't concentrate the whole ball of wax. Each of these situations are different but the same theme is there, not always a happy marriage etc.<p>I would really advise you don't press for too many more details. I know SO much about what happened with my wife that I have a hard time shutting it off. They were seeing each other for 7 months. They got so close that they actually stopped using condoms, it was a "big step" for them. I could go on and on, I get naseous thinking about it. It haunts me. Try not to dig that deep.<p>I never would have said this last week but things will get better. You have to take care of yourself right now as well as your kids. They say that most marriages don't end because of Infidelity but in order for you to salvage anything you have to get help.<p>Definitely spend some time reading as much of the information on this site as you can. It helped distract me for the first few days when I could barely stand to be here at work. I ended up missing a lot of time last week as well as Monday this week. Things are getting better for me but I think that I've made a lot of progress since then.<p>If you need help to get through, I'm at work all day and am more than willing to exchange email or even chat info. I use ICQ and can use MSN messager as well. I'll enclose my email, shoot me a letter if you want to talk. The boards help but are really slow sometimes. I hope this helps you, I hate to see someone in that much pain.<p>J_elswitt@hotmail.com is the address you can contact me with.

Please do not make any rash decisions right now, you are in shock. That is how I felt when I found out about my H's affiars too.<p>But today we are in a very happy recovery. We have rebuilt our relationship using the MB concepts and have a much better relationship then we did before. There can be a silver lining to this storm cloud. <p>Affairs occur in 60% of all marriages, 43% of all people (men and women) cheat on their spouses. Only 2% of those marriages break up from the affair.<p>We all say that we will not stay with a spouse if they ever cheat. Yet when faced with the hard reality of an affair and loosing the life and love we have built, we generally choose to give our spouse and our marriage one more chance. This is not a copout or being weak. It is the a very hard road but worth it if your spouse is willing to rebuild your marriage.<p>The MB concepts say that affairs occur because emotional needs (EN’s) have not been met usually for some time. You and your H both share 50/50 for the current state of your relationship. He is totally responsible for his decision to have an affair. If you stay with him or not, you really do need to find out what needs of his and yours were not being met. This will help you tremendously.<p>Please read the links in by signature block below. Pay special attention to the Plan A. The first step in rebuilding your marriage is to start Plan A… meeting his EN’s (this is to bring him back you to and to make permanent changes in you that will make you the best person/wife you can be) and to get him to agree to end his affair.<p>Do be careful of the OW. She seems remorse full and did not know he was married. But she could decide that she loves him so much that it does not matter.. it happens all the time. Sorry, don’t want to scare you but reality is very important here.

GHF...<p>Your post says you found out yesterday, yet you registered in December so I guess, perhaps, you had some concerns before yesterday? <p>Like most of us, the concerns are there b-4 finding out, but the actual truth is such a kick in the gut that many of us here know exactly how you feel.<p>Listen, zorweb has given you good advice.<p>Take a deep breath and exhale...<p>Those of us who have been here awhile know you can and will survive this. How you do that is up to you and your H. But recognize thatis a long hard process. Sorry--but it is.<p>Read the material at this site.<p>Read and post here at GQ II and at Just Found Out... <p>You are among frineds here who have gone thru exactly what you are going thru, now.<p>Sorry you have to be here but you will find a wealth of information and support here.<p>Good luck, and hang in there...<p>E