My husband and I have been having small problems now for about a year.... Since the first of Jan. they have become worse and I am afraid I am going to loose him. I have an anger problem and I also have lots of trouble communicating what I really want to say to him. I don't know what to do. He says he doesn't know now if it can be fixed and I really don't want to loose my marriage. He is the love of my life and I can't image spending one day without him by my side. Most of our problems seems to be he says I am too hateful and he is afraid to be around me. I don't mean to be grouchy towards him and I have tried perfusely (excuse the spelling) to apologize to him over the past few days. I never knew the problem was this bad til now.... Now he says its too late. What do I need to do? Any advice at this point would be appreciated. I do love him with all my heart and don't want our 10 year marriage to end this way. I never want it to end. We were so happy in the beginning and now we are like two people who just live in the same house. I don't know what to do or which way to turn. HELP!

Catbird, you need to prove to your husband that you "get it" and this time is really different. If you have not previously tried counseling, make an appointment. Also, most areas have classes in "Anger Management" (usually attended under court order, but you can go voluntarily). Go the library and get some books of anger management and start reading. Don't cry and rant about it, set up your counseling or class and then calmly, lovingly tell him that you've done this. Even if he's hostile, go ahead with it, because ultimately you have to make the change for YOU.<p>I sympathize. I have a horrible temper, which I'd thought I'd mastered until I had kids! I get very frustrated and start screaming, which doesn't help anyone, and the kids treat each other the way I treat them. It's something I'm working on, too.<p>Good luck.<p>[ January 22, 2002: Message edited by: Charynne ]</p>

Hi, <p>Have you read the basic concepts info located under the MB logo? Then read the book his needs/her needs. Have you been to the counselor to work on your anger management skills? Are there other issues with your H as well? The combo and domino effect of problems in a marriage eventually surface. Some leave, others have A's, some resort to retaliation, anger, violence. All bad choices. Then there are those who step back, get help, assess their M and put a plan in action to work on it. Some have had remarkable success while others have ended in D and moved on. Either way, all who come here have learned how to become better persons and then individually decided how to apply it best in their lives (some - very few choose not to apply it at all but most do). <p>So please read up and if you need, Steve and Jennifer offer phone counseling for couples or individuals. Take advantage of these tools. <p>Take Care,
L.

Get into counseling and the sooner the better.<p>If not together then go on your own....<p>It is not too late for your marriage but it really sound like you need a third person who can mediate for you...<p>Good luck <p>E