57 - If I could do it again, I would of put all the money I had in a separate account. My WH used many thousands of dollars on the affair. The OW said in her sweet woe is me voice, I don't have enough money to pay the cellular phone my love. So my H paid her cell phone bill which she lives 2000 miles away, and they talked for 8-9 hours a day. Plus the gifts he bought her, and cellphone accessories, plus rings, and everything else. <p>I caught him taking money out of a business account and he denied it. He said I was crazy and missed up the numbers. Well, in due time I found I was not crazy and he was taking money and sending her cash in money orders. We have our own business, and he had the customers make the checks out to him, and he spent it on her.<p>She didn't work, had no want to work, used our money in our family for her delight, and delight when we all went to her state to visit my H father, who at the time was sick, to go to a hotel, my H paid for during the day, and have my H buy them dinner. She didn't offer anything, no special treats she should of made for him, didn't offer to pay for the hotel, or his gas money or anything. This woman used my husband, and used our money that I was having a hard time paying the bills. I mentioned this to my H at the time, and he said we'll find a way somehow. He basically didn't care about the bills, and didn't care about this family here, his eyes and heart were only on this sexual dreamlove. <p>I would put everything in your own name that is legally yours. I had some money from a settlement that I have had to suffer for many years, and still suffer, and I had to take money out of that account to pay the bills at that time. As of now, I have very little left. <p>I don't have a job, am medically disabled of the right arm. But, I now know more about affairs, and the first sign, I should of done many things. One I should of called her home and told her husband right away, back in Nov. or Oct. Then he could of found a solution, this is the womans second sexual affair in her marriage, and even possibly a come on to a technician that came out to her home to fix some equipment.<p>I hired an investigator. I felt we couldn't spend much money, cause I am the frugal one. If I knew how much my H was spending, I would of spent much more on an investigator. <p>The BS is the one that gets hurt the worst. Protect what you can and tell your W this is for both of our goods. You could have a second person on your account, for if you should die, but tell her who it is and someone you can trust. I have learned the hard way and lost money. Remember, you are the only one that is going to protect yourself. The WS doesn't gave a sh*t about you, only what they get out of their fantasies, I know.<p>Forgot to tell you another thing, I talked to a lawyer on a trip during H sexual affair and he said the same thing, protect your finances. Also, counseling with the Harleys, they said the same thing, protect your money, she told me to get it out of the account and put it in a safe place. She wanted me to get a lawyer right away, and put a hold on the accounts. Wish I had done that right away, I am so stupid to have not done that. I also know that I can get an investigator and they can do things now with accounts. PROTECT YOURSELF - the WS doesn't care about you.<p>[ January 22, 2002: Message edited by: thinker ]</p>
