Okay.. this is an idea that has started to occupy my mind more and more..<p>SH mentioned last time I talked with him that WW really still is in her bubble right now - and that I should really consider popping the cork on it so to speak. And one way of doing that might be to simply have a word with OM. He believes that OM is getting fed the "oh, my marriage is so bad, J.R. is so horrible, etc., etc." - despite the fact she's still living here, sleeping in the same bed, even going to counseling, etc. By asking a few simple questions of OM, it might get him thinking, and might also be good so that every time he sees her, he sees ME in his mind.<p>I was slightly surprised when MC mentioned the same idea to me in my IC this week. Again, nothing violent or anything - just confronting him a bit - asking a few questions.<p>So... what does everyone think?<p>If I go that route, I need to get a picture of the guy - don't know what he looks like - I know where he lives, but he also lives with a bunch of other people, I believe, so I can't just assume that the first person out the door is him.<p>Should I go the private investigator route? Suggestions?

Ughh, I don't know if this is a good idea. I was able to find out contact information and an address shortly after I got the news of my wifes A. I held off and held off until I lost it one night and headed over there.<p>I called before I got there because I was intent on making her deal with me before she kept on with the other man. She was terrified and met me in the street before I could go to his place. I couldn't think of anything but images of them together, him caressing her, him holding her. I know it would have been ugly and I'm glad I didn't make it to his place because I would have been in jail.<p>I honestly don't think it's a good idea. Do you really think you could handle being non violent? You know that it's just going to push her away as well. In my case, they were breaking it off (Humph) when I finally lost it. She's still mad at me for enabling him to do it first, which he did because he's young and doesn't want to deal with an angry husband.<p>My heart is pounding even now and I get the urge to go and confront him still. They've cut off contact but I still want him to learn that messing with Married people comes with it's own set of problems.<p>It might be more effective to pop her cork by asking her to move out. I'm still new at this whole mess so take my advice with a grain of salt.

That can go either way, J.R. Sometimes it ends in disaster because usually the OP KNOWS of the spouse and simply doesn't give a damn. On what basis could you appeal to a person like that? That kind of person clearly puts their own pursuit of pleasure before principle of any kind.<p>On the other hand, you might have an OP like my H's OW, who was told we were SEPARATED and in the process of getting a divorce. A big lie. When I told her the truth, she became very indignant towards my H and dropped him like a hot potato. She then proceeded to tell me EVERYTHING I wanted to know and has been very friendly to me ever since. <p>This is a risky venture that can backfire on you, leaving you looking like the bad guy and the OP looking like your victim. I would be very careful about doing this.<p>[ January 23, 2002: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</p>

JR-
I would be real careful with contacting the OM. These situations always have the capability of turning out bad. And since you don't know anything about this clown, you may be walking into something you wont be able to control. I would err on the side of caution. I confronted OM-SOB myself (he is our neighbor and friend, knew exactly how he would react, initially) hoping to play on his guilt. It may have worked at first, but I find out later on that they never stopped contact, just made more of an effort to keep it a secret. Think this one through real hard.<p>Is there anything else you could do to 'burst W's bubble"? I have been reading some of these threads where the BS starts to withdrawl a bit from the WS and lets them start to think that they may be losing the BS. I like this idea a lot and may start to implement it into my plan. I believe Venusenvy and CarolH are doing this with quite a bit of success. My MIL has told me that if I do start to become unavailable to WS all the time, it will definetly help the recovery efforts.<p>Instead of a PI, try that UPN show 'Cheaters'- Gawd no, don't do that, it was only a joke!

J.R.,<p>You know where they live then use USSEARCH to get all the names of the occupant. Do you know the license plate of his car ?. You could get his name if it is under his. Then turn around and get all in info on him. You could do yourself. I got the info started just from a telephone number.<p>I stay away from OM, I don't know what I am going to do and I don't want to go jail b/c of it.

Thanks for the perspectives, folks...<p>Actually, as I said, it's only an idea I'm toying with. I believe I could control myself - I'm not a violent person, although in the right situation, probably anyone can be, right?<p>The intent would be more to make him step into my reality for a minute or two.. I may either see a person who suddenly "comes to" a bit, which helps me - or I might see the [censored] I expect, and he won't give a damn, maybe even laugh. I don't know... I don't know if it buys me much. It's interesting I've gotten two professional opinions that don't say "no" - just think about it.<p>My bigger question would be the impact on WW. She had a dream recently that I beat the c*** out of OM - cool! I felt like saying to her, "I hope all your dreams come true, honey!" [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I did not intend to make contact with ow in person, but lost it when I went to see what kind of bar my h and his ow took our kids to. They walked in together and yes, I went for the bit)) with a football type attack and knocked her down,... needless to say there were charges against me, I would of gone to jail, had I not pd out lots of money to lawyers and it was simply ridiculour, she deserves every shub and push she got, and I am sorry it happend, and I had no intention of it happening, and I was drinking... and had not ate or slept for 2 weeks, this was right after I found out... it was awful... and it is even worse than I am describing, but I do not advise going near the clown... but I do advise investigative work of your own, picture taking etc... I am currently considereing taking pics to mail with no return address to ow's spuose... who chooses to stick his head in the sand... I think I should have them delivered to his office, just in case she should intercept the mail@ Hugs, Honey