Hi MisterE and welcome,<p>I noticed you haven't posted much, and I haven't yet checked out your other posts to get your info, but I will say this. And I'm sure a lot of others on this site will say the same. <p>Read everything you can on this site then read and post and read and post again. It will help you more than you can even begin to fathom. <p>My initial reaction at reading this post of yours is that you are scared of your sex drive ruining your recovery. If you seriously feel that your sex drive is a threat, then I have but only one suggestion to you and it begins with an M. And no, it's not Marriage!<p>Read everything you can find on Plan A, implement it and satisfy yourself in whatever way you can. Obviously not with a "revenge affair", but I'm sure you get the idea. It sounds like one of your first and foremost EN is SF, so your going to have to take care of that yourself for the time being. Considering your W is the WS, she is in no position to fulfill any EN you have. It will be down to you to either ignore those needs, or fulfill them yourself. <p>Patience will be your best friend and closest ally. Learn it, know it, practice it. I say this out of experience. The minute I began to Plan A my bum off, my H came to me for SF and I was more than happy to oblige a) because I was gagging for it and b) because I know this was one of his major EN that I could meet quite happily. <p>It may take a very long time before your W will be comfortable having sex with you again, but it can happen providing you avoid Love Busters. Be her friend, don't pressure her, be there when she needs you and if and when the time is right, you will know. <p>If it is at all possible, ASK her why she felt she was having SF with you for the past 9 years out of "duty." It will be difficult, but perhaps it's time to find out if you weren't doing something in the bedroom that she desperately wanted and needed. Or maybe the way you did things didn't jive with her? If you can find this out and not freak out about it, but rather listen and understand, then you are half-way there. <p>Good luck to you, MisterE! Hope what I said makes sense. It all comes from the heart.
VE
