I don't post too much, but have received alot of insight from everyone on. So many things said are helpful. But I just can't seem to get thoughts of my H and OW out of my head. I am obsessing big time and can't even be normal around him. He has not seen her or talked to her as far as I know, and she lives in another state, but all I can think of is him telling her he loved her and being on the phone and on line with her for hours. Something he has never done and still won't with me. I ask him to call me during the day just for a few minutes cause it helps to keep a connection with him, but he doesn't. He's at work for 12 or more houurs a day and when he gets home he's tired, we can't talk, not even normal conversation. I know he's tired but he keeps saying he needs time, doesn't reassure me he wants to be with me. I know he still misses her, but only gives me vague answers of "I said I would try" and then said in the back of his mind if things didn't work out with us still thinks about being with her. It has only been 6 wks. Is he still in WD? I feel like I am going crazy sometimes and all I do is cry when we are together. What a turn on for him! I seem to be getting worse not better and I am going to be on an antidepressant but I don't know what to do. Please someone respond, it was very hard to write this, I try to be strong but since this has happened I know I can't be anymore and I am trying to open up to others. Thanks for any input.

HI, I am by no means anyone to look up to, but I can be a friend... I have had lots of the same troubles... probably worse... everytime I see my H he makes me cry. We are seperated... I guess he does not make me cry, but I do... if I am being psychologically correct here... but he is MEAN to me... all the time... I am disconnecting... tell him... you would like a sign from him that he would like to work on the marriage... YOU work on you until then... Make yourself more beautiful, enjoy life, et c.... I am actually finding myself feeling good without him around... he is just plain mean and for a H to say... well if we don't work out maybe she will... that is CRUEL... do not accept this... say, I would like to work on marriage and I am willing, but will not unless you want to.... if you do not want to... I will live my LIFE... ande show him you can be HAPPY... do not let him control you. I am sorry you are in so much pain... I know the feeling! I am cooking dinner for my kids and just got home... so I have to go ck on the food on the stove.. but I will ck back in - with you in a bit... I see your pain... tonight I am going to ck out the michele weiner site... I think it is called divorce busting.. on 180s ... this is what I am impletmenting... you may want to too, considering the situation... sounds alot like mine... my H is all over the place.. he wants our relationship to maybe work out... but is not putting in tht worlkk... he wants her, ow to maybe work out too, well cant have both mister... and certainly not the wife... we are worth way more than that! anyway, you can do this without major lbs and with respect, REGAIN your dignity... lets quit being doormats together... start posting, and working on you... read my post from yesterday on plan a... also I know there were some 180 posts from carolh, I think... ck those out... YOU CAN DO IT!<p>Hugs, HONEY

I am in the same boat. My wife and I were together for 13 years and she had an affair with a fellow in a town about 150miles away. She on the other hand has refused to end the affair and is continuing contact. She has offered me no reassurance, moved out of the house when the affair was discovered and has shown no intentions of returning even though she comes around several nights a week.<p>Your depression is natural, and your feelings are not out of the normal because I feel them too. I would advise you to do the best job of keeping your emotions/crying to yourself for now. Even if you have to leave the room. I know this is hard because I have a hard time doing it myself. Just pray, recognize that your husband is in WD/fog and find the beauty and value in yourself. This is very hard when you have been with somebody as long as you and I have. If you are like me you have shaped your life around this person and the thoughts of the betrayal and the prospect of never being loved by the person that meant everything to you are horrible. The only thing that could be worse is losing a child.

Thanks, Honey and Broken man, I am trying to do things for myself, but it's hard when you feel so bad about your life. My son is in diving and am going to his meets so that is good. I just bought verbal abuse relationships, something like that, it is very good. I can see my H in it, not so much yelling but the manipulative things. He is going to be home in a bit so I won't be on til tomorrow. Thanks for the encouragement, hope you guys have a good night.