I've been too stressed to think, let alone write. Had a student stocking me (literally threatening to harm me) and had to have him removed from my class by security guards then file a restraining order against him. <P>Two weeks ago I told H to get his A@@ into counseling or it was over. He went, and went again. He said it was a good thing and he was glad I pushed him. He said he is willing to do couples counseling and thinks we need it (gee, it has only been 4 years of me telling him that). I suspect we will and I am glad about it - but worried that h has no idea how difficult it will be to do REAL work, and not sure the therapist will really ask that of us.<P>H and I don't talk about the affair anymore. I'm still fairly gun-shy of putting my heart back into the marriage and so is H. I am hoping for something magnificent in counseling. I am very glad he is going. My biggest fear is that we will just sweep it under the carpet and go back to our very non-confrontational, non-intimate, living arrangement. I can already see it happening as I tire of being the one who always tries to get him to talk. If I don't initiate it, it doesn't happen at all. Oh well, I'm still hoping for something to change in therapy. <P>My spiritual life is gone. Sad to say that, but I've given it up. I just don't have any faith left and I'm pretty sure I'm too filthy to go back anyway. H is happy about it though, because it "meets his need" to sleep in on Sundays. It has been 3 months since I went to church (even longer since I stopped asking H to come with me) and he's been happy as a clam all Sunday long. At least now H and I have the same religious belief, that was always a difficult thing for us.<P>OM has contacted me over the past few days. Our conversations have gotten ugly - him asking "Why" and me having no answers. Maybe it is finally "running its course." Truth is, I'm too stressed to deal with it, so I'm burning out on everything. I think that is good for my marriage, though. I have little strength to deal with much, so baby, work, and home are about all I am focusing on.<P>Anyway, I think I'm going to move from a poster to a commenter. I don't really have the need to post much anymore because things are just great now (big fake smile here). Really folks, it is just a whole lot easier for me to post to others than to put my story out there. So, for now, I'll be seeing you in your posts and keeping mine to a minimum.<P>That's it.<BR>Thanks for listening,<BR>FC<BR>

fc<BR>Thank you for updating. I often wonder how you are doing. Your battle has been so long and difficult.<BR>I'm sorry about the stalker business. you really didn't need more on your plate!<BR>I was reading your reply on another thread and had to let you know it brought tears to my eyes.<BR>Your complete honesty about your situation and feelings is refreshing.<BR>When I read your posts I often wonder how many people feel the same way you do but don't have enough guts to be honest about it. To themselves or others.<BR>Your struggle has been very hard.<BR>You are always in my prayers.<BR>

FC - <P>You just posted to my thread a little while ago and I really appreciated your thoughts. You suggested that I read your profile - which I did - and you were right, your story is very complicated. Having said that, I need to say that I have immeasurable respect for you considering what you have been through and continue to go through. Although I have only been posting for a week, I have always looked forward to your posts. I can feel your agony, especially a few weeks ago when you were crying out for help as you were in the throes of withdrawal. My heart went out to you.<P>I sense from your first post on this thread that you are giving up. Please don't. Although we all appreciate your comments to our questions and cries for help, you too still need encouragement and support. Even though I don't know what you are experiencing first hand, I will be there if you need me. You have done me a great service by responding to my threads, I want to try to help you.

Hey fc,<P>I'm sorry you're going through all that too... the stalking business is awful and makes you paranoid about all things for awhile. <P>I know what you mean about the OM contacting you and it getting ugly. I had the same today, although as you know, I work with the guy. I just don't know if I can do this. I'm sure some days you feel the same.<P>I told my H the same and he tried to go to the counselor one more time. He won't go back, he won't take his meds, now his glasses broke and he can't see but he won't spend the money to get them fixed. I want to feel sorry for him, but it's difficult. Plus, as I said on another thread, he dropped a little bombshell on me last night. Last week he went out to two bars and took off his wedding ring so that he would seem approachable. He says that going into a bar without his ring is better than screwing someone with it on. Uh...<P>I really am where you are too... spiritual life going up and down and me feeling like I don't want to put my heart into anything. I'm tired, like you.<P>Well... tomorrow is another day... hope it's a better one.<P>Take good care of yourself tonight. Take a bubble bath and light some candles!!!

Glad to get the update! SORRY you are being stalked. The world is full of weirdos!!<P>Your post really was open and honest as before. You seem more settled than before which is really a good sign. The tone in your post comes across that you see light at the end of the tunnel. I will continue to pray for you and your family. And no you are never to filthy to be accepted by Jesus. That is why He died on the cross for OUR SINS. Again the tone in your posts comes across that you see the light at the end of that tunnel as well. Pray and read your Bible. If you have a Christian radio station listen to the ministers that come on there. However, beware because there are some who you don't want to listen to such as Kenneth Copeland or Rodney Howard-Browne.<P>God be with you and your family. Pray that your H will be the spiritual leader God wants him to be.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

fc,<P>Yeah, it’s difficult to think God is on your side in such a time as yours. He will Never leave you! Doesn’t matter how you feel or what you think! He is standing beside you waiting for you to open your arms, to Him. All’s you have to do is ask Him to show you the way and He will!<P>I have much faith in you. I know it is difficult. Jesus died for us. Do you think it was easy for Him? Absolutely not! He had doubts, but His faith kept Him going! Just as your faith will keep you on the right track. Talk to me in a year & I guarantee you will look back to now & realize how much you were wrong!<P>fc, I am extremely proud to call you a friend even though I couldn’t identify you if I saw you in a lineup! You have battled with your demons and you have won! Don’t give up! You will reap many benefits beyond your wildest dreams!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

FC, <P>I thought this was a pretty significant post from you and I certainly couldn't let it go unnoticed.<P>Boy, have you been through the wringer here. A stalker?! As if you don't have enough problems. I hope that problem is over. <P>It looks like wonderful news for you in regards to your H. I'm glad you kept pushing him. Sometimes us guys are pretty thick headed and we don't know what's best for us. 4 years; hey it could have been a lot longer ask my W.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I'm still fairly gun-shy of putting my heart back into the marriage and so is H.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I think you're both healing. Putting your whole heart into takes time I guess. My W is sort of half hearted right now. I am banking on time. Time and consistantcy in my efforts toward her. There is just so much crap going on in my W's life right now, I know it is hard for her to be in it fully. <P>FC, don't settle for the way things were. This is my fear too. You, I and our spouses all deserve a marriage with "all the trimmings" as Dazed put it one time. It may take more work on our part to get there, but don't quit trying - please don't. <P>As far as your spiritual life is concerned, I think that will heal too. Christ hasn't given up on you. Being unequally yoked is tough, but prayer does change hard hearts. I think you and your H will have quite a testimony when the dust settles. Perhaps God will use both of you to help others through similar situations. You never know what He has in store for us. Take time to heal and don't worry about being in church. God doesn't take attendence. He's more concerned about what's in your heart. My W and I are just now starting to go back to church. We thought it would be good for the kids and if that's the reason we need then so be it. Don't give up on the Lord. He's still there for you. <P>I have to also say I like what you are syaing about the affair running its course. I think my W may be going through this too. She sends OM some emails. He doesn't write back very often and when he does there isn't much to them. I'm hoping that she is seeing it die too. She sees him a few days a week at school and then wonders why he isn't writing her like he used to (I think). I guess I'm a little tired of all this. We made real progress after the confrontation in early July, but things have peaked while she is back in school. I don't forsee any more real effort on her part until she gets out of school in Dec. I guess I want her affair to run its course and die. I don't want her left with "what ifs" for the rest of her life. <P>Since I'm babbling, I tell you a short story from this past weekend; maybe you can make sense out of it. I asked my sweetheart for a date she consented but she semed a miffed about something - she wouldn't say. We went out and things fell apart at every step. I got a new shirt, new pants, I thought I was looking pretty sharp. She didn't notice for quite a while and when she finally did there was no compliment; she just rolled her eyes. We couldn't get into the show we wanted to so she got even more POed. I siad I was sorry it wasn't working out. She flipped out and said "you don't have to apologize for the show being sold out - why do you do that?!" I said, I'm simply sorry that things aren't working out - what's wrong with me saying that? She stormed off. I asked her if she would like to get some coffee. She gave me this eye piercing look in which I was thankful a gun was not in reach. I said what is wrong?! She said don't talk to me like I'm a 2 year old! (I didn't think I was I thought I was being civil. I said let's get some coffee. We did and we sat and talked for about two hours. Maybe she's working stuff out in her head and I'm the receiptiant of what ever is wrong. The rest of the weekend was very pleasant; I got several hugs and several kisses. Maybe we are working our way back into the conflict stage from withdrawal (as Harley puts it). I'm not letting her walk on me anymore and we are trying to figure out how to resolve problems (I think). Intimacy seems pretty distant still, but I'll take her talking over silence any day. <P>I'm not going to let you get away from not posting what's going on in your situation from time to time. So, beware I will ask every now and again.<P>Your MB friend, <BR>SHA<p>[This message has been edited by Sir Hurts Alot (edited September 13, 1999).]

Wasstubborn,<BR>Thanks for wondering about me and for empathizing. Thank you for encouraging my honesty. Lots of folks don't like to hear about my truths; they aren't pretty. But in my situation, with a child who will know everything (and subsequently so will friends and family) I see no point in lying here. I hope there aren't many betrayers who feel for their OP as I do. It is a painful place to be (for me and my H, and the OM). Moreover, I hope there aren't many spouses who feel as I do about my own spouse. Being in an empty, faithless, apathetic place is horrible. I just keep hoping that if I talk about it, and keep waiting here with H, it will turn around. I share with you folks here because I don't have anywhere else to share, so thanks for letting me know it is okay to do so.<BR>FC<P> <BR>Shattered,<BR>Thank you for your thoughts and for your support. I do have an overwhelming sense of "giving up" or resignation, as you suggested. I have more or less resigned myself to being here and living with the man I married. After all, I married him for life, and that's how long I'm supposed to stay. It isn't easy because there is a lack of love and affection, but for now, I suppose, I am just too tired, too stressed, and absolutely exasperated. I don't have the energy to believe that I can have anything more than what I have here. I'm too tired to go out and "make it happen." I've tried that, and I've tried that, and I've tired that. Deep inside I know there is something more out there (either to be had in my marriage or out of it). I truly believe that the sense that there is "something more" is a divine calling to that craving. I thought OM was it, but my morals wouldn't let me have that. For now, I'm living with the emptiness and hoping that whatever "it" is, "it" will find me. Thank you for offering to support and care about me. I certainly appreciate that! Likewise, I'll do my best to keep up with you and your posts (between crys from my 15-month-old, and my job!).<BR>Thanks again, shattered,<BR>FC<BR> <P>Newbeginning,<BR>Gosh, I know what you are talking about. But, how do we not settle? How does one strike a balance between accepting who you have married, and loving him/her; and dealing with the fact that he/she does not meet the needs you have and only a marital partner can/should meet. It is so hard for me to reconcile these differences. How do you do it?<P><BR>Rob,<BR>Yes, I am feeling more settled. Not sure if that is a good thing, but yes, I'm feeling settled. Sometimes I think I'm awaiting the next storm. Thank you for your prayers, Rob, I really need them. If you get a chance, will you pray for my spiritual healing, please? I think that is the biggest sore spot in my heart right now. I haven't the slightest desire to be back into Jesus. I think part of it has to do with my anger toward H. I can't really explain it. I feel as if part of me is dead, I mean really dead, and it's the spiritual part. I used to listen to Christian radio and we have a great station here where I live. But now it turns my stomach and I simply cannot listen to it. I don't even return the phone calls I get from my church friends or my Bible study group. Literally, someone from church or BS calls me every day and I cannot pick up the phone. I don't want to let anyone who is "spiritual" into my life right now. I screen their calls (which lately have consisted of, "Um, FC do you still live at this number? Just give us a call and let us know if you are still here?). It is pretty bad. Anyway, I'm rambling. Thanks for your support.<BR>FC<P> <BR>Chris, you said<BR>"Yeah, it's difficult to think God is on your side in such a time as yours. He will never leave you! Doesn't matter how you feel or what you think! He is standing beside you waiting for you to open your arms, to Him. All's you have to do is ask Him to show you the way and He will!" <BR>Chris, I can't hear him anymore. Okay, I'm crying now. I called out for so long, I was in this horrible place of pain and darkness and loneliness and I was screaming and pleading with Him to show himself and to guide me somewhere! Anywhere! But I can't hear him, I can't see him, I can't feel him. I've lost faith in a very deep, dark way. I know that "Jesus died for us." I just don't know that he died for ME. <BR>Sweet friend, I'm still battling with my demons. I'm not the victor, yet. Thanks for your prayers, your kind words and your friendship. Wouldn't it be great if we could all have a big party and meet each other. Wow! What if we actually knew each other outside of MB. Wouldn't that be embarrassing?<BR>FC<P><BR> SHA,<BR>Thanks for the reply faithful friend,<BR>It looks as if the stocker has taken the restraints very well and I hope to never see him again. It is however, difficult to go to work and be so afraid. It was about the last thing I needed, as work is one of the few pleasures I have in my life (aside from my son, of course). I felt as if one more pleasure in life was being denied me. Then again, I certainly learned a lot from the episode.<P>As for therapy, well I'm glad H is going. I still don't have much faith in it or him. But is sure is a step in a potentially positive direction. I have to admit, SHA, I sure wish my H would try some of the things you are doing for you W. The hair, back, body rubs and lost of touching is exactly what I need. But, he is totally withdrawn from me physically (as am I from him). I have no desire to touch him, but am willing to let him touch me. That sounds like a selfish statement, I know. But, a few months ago, I'd have sooner let a porkey pine rub against me than have my H touch me. Despite my telling him I want him to show affection, he is still as cold as ice (physically). As you are "banking on time" I am terrified of it. Time, in terms of my H and I, has proven to be an enemy. With time our marriage returns to the SOS and leaves me (maybe him too) feeling alone, empty, and vulnerable. There haven't been any huge changes in our tangible relating to each other. So I see time as an enemy. I hope I'm wrong. <P>Honestly, SHA, I don't know how to not settle for things being as they were. When I make waves, when I try and make changes, the waters get so rocky! And, in the end, nothing changes. How do you not settle? I try to spice things up. I try to do romantic things. H just says, "what the hell are you wearing that for?" or "why are you lighting candles, they stink" or "you look better w/o makeup" or I could list the "mood spoilers" forever. And if I touch him, it will lead to sex. Ugh, why can't I just be affection worthy and not an easy screw?<P>SHA, I don't know what to say about my spiritual life. Reading what you wrote really got me upset (sad). I'd love to believe in what you wrote, but the truth is, I don't. It isn't that I don't believe, it is that I don't have any faith in it. Anyway, prayers are appreciated, as at this time I just can't say them for myself. BTW, like you, I will go back for my son. He will motivate me when he can understand some of it.<P>I don't know if my affair will ever really run it's course. It was cut off at a pretty bad place. I think I'll always wonder and always love OM. But I'm more concerned with your W at this moment. Is the affair over? Back on? Or is it just the emotional trauma of it being over that is causing her to be half hearted? Thank God that December is just a few months away. Then after Y2K and her computer crashes, she'll not be able to even email him - I know my H is hoping for that (now there's a new perspective on the Mbug).<P>The story you told about last weekend has me thinking. I wonder if she is trying to “get you back” for not noticing her for so long? I wonder if she has anger that she is not dealing with? I suggest this because sometimes, at my uglier moments, I purposely ignore H, in a “see, that’s how I’ve felt for so long” kind of way. I hate admitting that and it isn’t very good for a marriage, but I’ve got all of this abominable anger inside and it comes out in that, albeit unhealthy, way at times, As for her comment "you don't have to apologize for the show being sold out - why do you do that?!" I think you offered a perfectly wonderful reply and her comment seemed to open the door to it. Maybe she is resentful of the new you. As I’ve said before, IF my H started being Mr. Wonderful I’d have a hard time with that. I’d like it, I’d appreciate it, I’d hope that it was a permanent change, don’t get me wrong. But I’d sure have my doubts and my guard up. To be very honest, I’d almost resent the fact that he was being so wonderful in the face of nearly losing me. I’d feel as if I had to scare or manipulate him into the changes. I am certainly NOT suggesting that you tone it down or revert back. I am merely suggesting that it is going to take time, and consistency (years of it dear), and she is going to have to come to terms with the “new man” that you have become. Perhaps she is testing this new man. Perhaps she believes that if you don’t GET what you want that you will turn away from her – and in doing so, prove that the “new man” isn’t the real you. She probably wants the new man to be real, but she is afraid that he might not be. Does that make sense? Maybe she wants to pick a fight with you and that is why she is so moody. I know I get that way at times. But I do that because I don’t know how to talk to my H. I get the feeling that it has to come out in a fight for him to believe I am really serious. Saying things in passing does not work with my H. So I have to get all worked up (e.g. I have to say, “get you’re a@@ into therapy or I’m leaving you” before he will do it). At any rate, I think you are right in assuming that she is going through a lot. She is. And yes, you are taking the brunt of it (rightly or wrongly). So, SHA, are you up to it? I mean, here is your chance to prove you will do anything for your wife. Are you going to rise to the occasion? I think you will, you have proven much in your actions already. Don’t give up. I WISH, beyond all else, that my H would enter into the conflict stage with me. Unlike you and your W, my h and I will remain here in w/d. It has become too tiresome for me to keep forcing him into conflict in hopes of some real recovery. He just won’t budge. I’ve accepted that and will remain here, in a loveless, empty marriage. But what the hell, I’m doing the “right thing.” I’m glad, even envious of you for having a partner who seems somewhat willing to have a conflict. There is hope for you.<P>Finally, I'm open to you asking about how I'm doing, even appreciative. I'm just not wanting to share a whole lot at MB for a while. I'm so tired of listening to myself be unhappy. I guess I need to retreat and withdraw for a while. Beside that, I've spent a whole lot of time TAKING here. Now I want to just try and GIVE for a while. <P>Thanks again, friend,<BR>FC<P>

Facing Choices,<P>While you did not respond to your last posting, I hope that you did read it. Your husband very clearly loves you!!! He may not articulate in the fashion you would like but he does. You ARE NOT IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE. You are just in a place where you cannot see it. You are from the sounds of your post extremely tired. I mean physically; working, new child, and everything else. People tend to get very depressed and see the worst of everything in this state. Is there some way you can get some rest? Some real sleep? Take a vacation? I suspect that you will see more progress than you realize. As for your belief in God, it is there. You have made you latest choices based on it. I suggested to you that you have been given gifts by God. I would like to hear from you what you think of those suggestions. You seem to be addressing some of your problems; anger. From what I seen or this board and read elsewhere, it is probably as much at yourself as your H. But you need to find a way to give it up.<P>Meanwhile, take care of yourself. It will help you, S, and H. <P>P.S. I suspect you know now why affairs are called fantasy. Dealing with a baby, and everything else tends to wear you out and remove the joy from life. <P>God Bless You<p>[This message has been edited by Just Learning (edited September 15, 1999).]

Oh FC, thank you for writing back to me. You give me hope - you really do. For some reason, we are on opposite sides of the spectrum with our mates. I wish and pray my wife would show just a small portion of attention to our marriage that you are towards yours. <P>As you stated, my wife certainly doesn't mind the touch I give her, and it is a bundle, at the same time she really has no desire to touch me; which hurts but I understand. It also took some time for my wife to allow me to touch her. I keep hoping for that day where she will feel some desire to return some affection - it gets tiring and lonely. Some day I hope.<P>Do you know what is odd? Your H says many of the same things my W says when I try to spice things up. What's with that? In fact, I got the same candle line last night. Ugh. FC, I don't want to settle, but like you, I fear I may. Ugh again. <P>You asked whether my W's affair is over. Physically I would say yes; emotionally I would say no. It's tiring. I don't know what she wants. Some days are great; others are pits. She seems to really enjoy hanging out and drinking with some of her girlfriends. The downside to that is those women are either divorced, in a bad marriage, or single. Not very much reinforcement there. Its hard for me to admitt this but, I think if we didn't have kids, I think she would still leave me. Her heart isn't in this right now. Maybe after Decemeber; we'll see. I like your thought about Y@K bugs causing the PC to crash. Maybe I'll look into ensuring my PC at home will crash. <P>Also your take on my W not addressing her anger is accurate. I know she has anger she isn't facing. I'm sure she wants to get me back for some things too. I honestly believe my punishment is complete but I doubt she feels that way. I am Mr. Wonderful now and I'm sure it does make her angry. Bad timing I guess. <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>To be very honest, I’d almost resent the fact that he was being so wonderful in the face of nearly losing me. I’d feel as if I had to scare or manipulate him into the changes.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Did you talk to her or something? That hits the nail on the head in my opinion. But what else can I do. Yeah, I was scared of losing her, I am less scared as the days roll by. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Perhaps she is testing this new man. Perhaps she believes that if you don’t GET what you want that you will turn away from her – and in doing so, prove that the “new man” isn’t the real you. She probably wants the new man to be real, but she is afraid that he might not be.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>OK, that settles it YOU are spying on me. . Yes, this makes sense. Last night was a perfect example. I'm sure I have many more tests to endure. Ugh.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>So, SHA, are you up to it? I mean, here is your chance to prove you will do anything for your wife. Are you going to rise to the occasion?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yes - I'm up to it - but I could use a little positive feedback every now and again. I fell I could open the floodgates for her if I got a little back. I don't expect any for now though. So, one day at a time.<P>FC, you don't give up either!!! Dang, I'm tired of all this too. I want it to all just go away. I want to be normal again - whatever that is. I want my wife back. I want to be happy again. If I'm holding on, you have to hold on too!!!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I'm so tired of listening to myself be unhappy. I guess I need to retreat and withdraw for a while.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I'm tired of my story too. I know how you feel. I think I should take a few weeks off from this board just so I don't find myself obsessing about my situation sometimes. I don't know. I would like you to email me if you can - if you don't want to that's OK (my email address is in the email thread from a while back). <P>Thanks for the thoughtful post FC.<P>Your friend, <P>SHA

FC,<BR>I agree with just learning. Your H loves you more than you are capable of seeing right now. And yes God is with you. He has helped you get to where you are now. You have to let His light shine so that your H will want to let His light shine through him as well. I am ecstatic about the progress you have made. I only wish things were going as quickly with my W. We are progressing but in very tiny steps. Just Learning mentioned anger. I sense that your anger is many times less intense as it was when I read some of your earlier posts. God is helping you indirectly through all of us on this forum as well as through your H and S. Now your H needs to work on those other areas that are important to you. Remember open honest communication is the key. I pray for you and your family everyday. It shows in your posts.<BR><P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Facing Choices<P>Just another thought. One of your major complaints about your H is that he does not communicate very well. Have you thought about using a different form of communication? The written word. You are pretty handy with words it might help. In fact have you considered printing out some threads and showing them to him? I am thinking specifically of this thread and your previous thread. You thoughts are well expressed in both and the dialogue and advice should not be too threatening to him. It just might be that once he sees these threads and your honest discussion and assessment, that you could reach him in a non threatening way.<P>I second, third,... what everyone is pointing out there is progress. Keep it up.<P>God Bless You, S, and your H.<p>[This message has been edited by Just Learning (edited September 16, 1999).]

Of course He heard you. You’re here on this forum, aren’t you? We’re here for you, aren’t we? We all have our demons to battle in some way or another.<P>This life is such an extremely short part of our existence. What we do in it will determine the final outcome. Satan doesn’t bother people who are content and “happy” in their lives. He doesn’t have to. If we are seeking God, then he hurtles everything he has at us to try & get us off the path. Hang on girl, you’ll do okay. Even with all your struggling, you are such an amazing inspiration to me! (God knows I need something!)<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>