Hi GC!! I would be more than happy to share my plan B story.<p>Let's see... My H was waffling back and forth for a while. On June 1st he moved out for a 3-week trial seperation where he was supposed to have no contact with OW and minimal contact with me and the kids (so he could "figure himself out").<p>On the 4th he got back with OW. On the 6th, I found out. On the 8th I gave him my plan B letter because he had crossed the boundary I had set for myself.<p>The next day, he left me 5 minutes of voicemail messages calling me every name in the book and basically saying anything he could to hurt me.<p>The next two weeks were hell. My H broke into the house, took whatever he wanted and left. I had to have the locks changed, but I screwed up and it was delayed a few days. My H found out, broke in and left all the doors open and unlocked for me to come home to at 10pm on a Sunday night with 3 kids...<p>Talk about being scared.<p>My H was the worst person I have ever met in my life, seriously. I had never met anyone who could be so cruel and callous.<p>He didn't see his kids for 28 days and tried to blame me because I was in plan B and was making him schedule the visits with the babysitter and his mom (which he refused out of pride or something or other).<p>Never did give me a visitation schedule...<p>But, I maintained no contact and I was getting stronger w/o H in my life. <p>A little while passed, my H flipped, was very sad on the phone, and I gave in to meet with him. He said how much he was thinking about us being together, how he missed the kids, etc. I told him what I needed (no contact, the letter, OW out of life, etc.) and told him to go fix himself and come back to me.<p>Then I was back in plan B. Which he didn't like very much again...<p>Two more weeks, again, very upset and wanting to work things out (but not willing to do the work as I would later find out - all words, no action behind them).<p>I was weak, he said the magic words, I let him back in - but he had never "officially" ended it with OW. He still had his apartment, but we were dating, and he was not dating OW anymore, but still had her on the backburner.<p>Maybe 3 weeks later, I found out he had gone PA and went back to plan B because I was so hurt. That was reactionary and a bad, bad idea. I wasn't thinking, gave him the letter hours after I found out about PA. I was hysterical that day.<p>Prior to this my H had started individual counseling to try and show me he was serious about us, but when I found out about PA, I lost it.<p>But he wasn't serious about recovery, and how do I know?? Because he ran back to OW for support and found out she was just using him until she went away for her job. He was her little "plaything".
(I didn't find out about this until recently).<p>We were off/on, miserable, talking, but not together yet not apart. Waffling stage.<p>His EA ended 3-4 weeks after that, then he really ended it with her, but refused to send a no-contact letter... So, I had quite a bit of trouble believing him, although it turns out, he was telling the truth. <p>I knew OW was out of state for at least 2 more months, and I started trying to do plan A again. Weeks of turmoil and my H refusing to do a recovery plan or the no-contact letter. He would go to MC, but we weren't getting anywhere fast. He was in withdrawal and although he wasn't in contact with her, he still had the lifeline there - just incase.<p>His time limit was reached (internal timeline, my H didn't know about it) and I filed for seperation and told my H I was done. It was what I needed at the time, and I was very happy to finally be able to make my decision. I didn't want a seperation, but I couldn't live the rest of my life in limbo either. <p>Within the week my H had sent the no-contact letter, made a commitment to our marriage and all the other things the WS should be doing before you try and recover.<p>I didn't sway because I wasn't getting the seperation to try and get him to do stuff, I was doing it for me. He continued to prove himself to me (actions not just words), and I believed him again. A week or two later I stopped the papers "temporarily", which eventually was all together.<p>Since then, recovery has been a roller coaster ride. My H had alot of individual problems he was just refusing to deal with, but we were going forward - just VERY slowly. My H also had a horrible, horrible temper in the beginning where he would take tons of stuff out on me, past resentment, etc.<p>Then there is the latest development, every BS's worst nightmare. Get in recovery and OW shows up pregnant, gee, isn't that nice??<p>My H is a completely different person than he was just 7 months ago. My husband is back and better than before. He loves me more than anything and tells me everyday. He told me every excruciating detail about their relationship (that he could remember), and we grew closer together. Filled out the EN questionnaire, still going to MC, etc, etc. He finally realized he never loved OW, what his relationship with her really was (a huge mistake), and began really not liking anything about her or their relationship. Looking back, he now says that it wasn't her he loved, it was getting away from his problems and she allowed him to do that so he rationalized it must have been her he loved.<p>My H was also suffering from severe depression and insomnia at the onset of his affair which just multiplied while he was in it. Most of what he did is a distant blur.<p>Not all has been wonderful, still lots of issues to work out, but at least better than 7 months ago, and lots of hope that we could work things out...<p>But with this latest monkey wrench, I don't know what is going to happen.<p>One more thing:<p>My H now tells me that my plan B was the worst thing I could have done, it just pushed him farther away and made him so mad at me...<p>But, what he doesn't realize is how much stronger it made me and how much easier it was for me to keep my love bank intact. <p>He also doesn't yet realize that he is responsible for his own actions, and regardless of what I chose to do, he is responsible for his decisions to be with OW. He was using my plan B as a way to "blame me" (oh, I made him run to OW, etc). He also didn't realize that we were heading to the same place anyway, I just shortened it by 2-3 months by stepping back and saying I would not stand for OW in my life anymore.<p>Plan B was the best thing I could have done for me because I was ready for it. I did not do it for him, I did it to preserve my love for him. And it worked, because if I had not done this, we would be divorced by now (my love bank was barely above 0).<p>Well, I should say he DIDN'T get the responsibility part, now I kind of think he does with all this new stuff going on.<p>Hope this helps...
HbH
