Just an update.<p>Found out today that W's attorney has agreed to drop the RO, so I am no longer a menace to society. My attorney asked me if I was planning on moving back home, said it wouldn't be a good idea, I'll have to agree with him on that one.<p>W called me this morning and we talked about the RO and the separation papers. It was such a 'business like' discussion that it sent a chill down my spine. W told me how she was trying to make things as fair and equitable in all of this as possible, that she wasn't trying to take advantage of me or ruin my life. She goes on to say that she hopes I see this and that we can resolve any issues regarding the separation agreement without having to go to court. I really do not see any remorse in W anymore, there is no more 'I'm sorry' from her. Maybe I am being to cynical, but W sure seems to be putting a lot of effort into ending the M as easy as possible, wish she could put that effort into trying to rebuild the M.<p>One thing that has really struck me is the way this whole thing seems so calculated, almost like it has been planned. W told me last week that she is a 'future oriented' person and everything she does has to be for her future benefit. This isn't the only time something like this has been said, she has made other comments about this. I know that I may be reading more into this, but my gut feeling is that this really has been thought out in advance. I even get the feeling that her and OM may be involved in this planning process together.<p>At this point, I honestly do not think there is any hope at restoring the M. Its one thing to know that W is wandering around in a fog, but it is another to feel like this whole thing has been planned in advanced. The way this whole thing has gone makes it impossible to even part as friends, it just needs to end, period. For 4 months I have been living with the hope that it may work out, but that hope is fading fast and W has made very few indications that she is even willing to think about saving the M (well, except for her 'plan' to have me move into the basement and start 'dating' again, I wont have anything to do with that)<p>I sent OM's W my continued contact letter, not sure if she will read it. I can put up with a lot of the crap that this A has dumped on me, but the lack of respect I am getting from W towards me and the M has really pushed me over the line. I really feel that if something doesn't change real soon, I will have to go into Plan B mode, free myself of this whole mess and begin to build my life over again. I have just read Dobson book 'Love Must Be Tough' and I have to agree with what he says. There really comes a point where you have to say enough is enough, I'm releasing you of all commitments to me because I love you.

You sound like you are at a good healthy place. You are thinking very clearly.<p>Love Must Be Tough is a GREAT book.<p>Keep posting and venting and updating.

lhs,<p>I feel for you bud.<p>------------<p>"W called me this morning and we talked about the RO and the separation papers. It was such a 'business like' discussion that it sent a chill down my spine. W told me how she was trying to make things as fair and equitable in all of this as possible, that she wasn't trying to take advantage of me or ruin my life. She goes on to say that she hopes I see this and that we can resolve any issues regarding the separation agreement without having to go to court. I really do not see any remorse in W anymore, there is no more 'I'm sorry' from her. Maybe I am being to cynical, but W sure seems to be putting a lot of effort into ending the M as easy as possible, wish she could put that effort into trying to rebuild the M.<p>One thing that has really struck me is the way this whole thing seems so calculated, almost like it has been planned. W told me last week that she is a 'future oriented' person and everything she does has to be for her future benefit. This isn't the only time something like this has been said, she has made other comments about this. I know that I may be reading more into this, but my gut feeling is that this really has been thought out in advance. I even get the feeling that her and OM may be involved in this planning process together."<p>-----------------<p>I don't believe you're being cynical. Be careful though. Your W seems to determined to end it and you're fighting it. I don't mean fighting it literally but having a hard time accepting it in your heart. You can't control her. I know it's hard. REALLY REALLY hard to accept but one day that will come. <p>--------------<p>"At this point, I honestly do not think there is any hope at restoring the M. Its one thing to know that W is wandering around in a fog, but it is another to feel like this whole thing has been planned in advanced. The way this whole thing has gone makes it impossible to even part as friends, it just needs to end, period. For 4 months I have been living with the hope that it may work out, but that hope is fading fast and W has made very few indications that she is even willing to think about saving the M (well, except for her 'plan' to have me move into the basement and start 'dating' again, I wont have anything to do with that)<p>I sent OM's W my continued contact letter, not sure if she will read it. I can put up with a lot of the crap that this A has dumped on me, but the lack of respect I am getting from W towards me and the M has really pushed me over the line. I really feel that if something doesn't change real soon, I will have to go into Plan B mode, free myself of this whole mess and begin to build my life over again. I have just read Dobson book 'Love Must Be Tough' and I have to agree with what he says. There really comes a point where you have to say enough is enough, I'm releasing you of all commitments to me because I love you."<p>-------------------------<p>It's pretty easy to come to that point in your head but in your heart it takes awhile. Don't get frustrated with yourself if you find yourself holding on. lhs, I think you're getting to the point of acceptance in you mind that the M probably won't make it, at least in the forseable future. You kinda feel that you are at least owed some of your dignity and self respect back - Right? I can tell you that I held on for awhile just because I needed to see that W was sorry for what she did. Well, a while back she apologized again for hurting me. I realized that I never accepted that because she just continued to sneak around and lie. I finally understand that she is too weak to stay out of this and during the moments when she says she is sorry she means it but it really doesn't change what she is doing. She is in denial and she's the only one that can wake herself up. So then I had a decision to make - 1. I could continue to sit around and get hurt and continue to blame. or 2. I could start living my life again. Regardless of what direction I choose I knew one thing for sure - she was never going to give me my dignity and self respect back no matter what she did. I had to do that for myself. <p>who<p>
I need some help, my joke thread is dying.<p>[ January 24, 2002: Message edited by: whothehellisshe ]</p>

lhs, <p>Went back and read and then edited my post. Wow, that was probably pretty confusing. I was just trying to point out that even after you open your eyes and realize things with your mind your heart doesn't necessarily follow. I guess that's one thing we can identify with a WS right? What a struggle.<p>who<p>
I don't know how you do it. You bounce back so well. Maybe we should call you "Trojan Man" (get it - rubber). Does that count as my joke of the day?