Attention MBers!<p>I've been doing some serious soul-searching recently. I've come to realize that a) my changes are apparent to WW, b) my feelings for WW are starting to change, and c) she is showing no signs of getting off the fence. To me, this speaks to the need for Plan B.<p>Now, as a refresher, WW is still at home. She's pretty darn scared, I think, about leaving. She knows OM is risky - says she doesn't trust either of us. She is in cake-mode right now, getting all needs met by both of us. We've been in IC (same counselor), and a couple of joint MC sessions (which have been "difficult" to say the least). Being that her A is still on, I'm not surprised by that fact.<p>I've started to pull back from her quite a bit recently. I've done this because I'm having trouble Plan A'ing like I was before. My conundrum is this: her still being here and showing many signs of "not wanting to go", yet being so addicted to OM - Plan B out-of-the-blue seems possibly excessive. Thinking about Cali's recently posted letter, I came up with something of a "pre Plan B letter" myself. I tried to focus on "I" statements, using some of SnL's comments. I've also tried to very clearly "open the cage door", and show that I am prepared to move on.<p>What do yall think? I'm ready for this... not prepared to go on like this forever, yet I think she would...<p>---------<p>Hi (WW),<p>How are you? I hope your day's going well so far.<p>Anyhow, I just wanted to say a couple of things, re you asking me if I've been avoiding you.<p>Thinking about it more, maybe I have, but not to hurt you, or imply that I don't care; if anything, it's a gut reaction - defensiveness kicking in - I don't think I can help that as a human being. Asking myself why, I come back to possibly our last counseling session together where you were so visibly upset.<p>Along those lines, I don't really feel personally that us going to see (MC) together is buying us much right now - without commitment to use her constructively (as you yourself admitted), I honestly don't perceive much value. What do you think? That isn't to say anything negative about her or going as individuals to improve ourselves. I feel I've benefited myself anyway.<p>Please keep in mind that I have tried my best to demonstrate my willingness to be a good husband for you, and do the things important to both of us to make us both happy. So needless to say, I'm disheartened by our situation. Right now, all I feel like I can say is I simply want to do better and move forward one way or another.<p>And along those lines, my initiating any "relationship talk", or writing yet more letters and such is only making me feel worse. If you on the other hand feel that you want to talk about ANYTHING, feel free to do so with me, okay? I may not be as physically available, but will make time for you, (W). Frankly, I'd love to talk, talk, talk - about positives, about fun things, and about the future. I've got a lot to say.<p>One small thing I will say, since I don't think I've already said it, although probably implied it. That being: I can only guess at the pain you'd have to endure to end your relationship, but I will do whatever I can to help you, if you choose that.<p>Some of what I'm going through, I think, is mentally preparing myself to move on without you. That doesn't mean I don't want to be your husband and friend - but I also understand that just might not happen. And I have come to see things differently, maybe, over the last few weeks. That I am a capable person, able to live a good life either by myself or with a partner, and much is around the corner for me.<p>I really don't want to be married to someone "just because", or out of fear, especially not in an environment where one partner continues to see someone else. I've expected more than that in my life all along. I've also expected to have to work for it, and that's something I've failed to do effectively, but understand much better now.<p>You said once, "I want it all." Well, I want it all too. So where to go from here?<p>You said recently that even though you're at work, you're thinking about me. I can certainly say the same about you too, (W).<p>J.R.<p>[ January 24, 2002: Message edited by: J.R. ]</p>
