Thanks for all your responces to Out of Love.<p>I'm going to take your advice and find out for sure if my wife is having an affair. I dont think we can start fixing this problem if we dont bring it to the surface.<p>She has to work tonight and I know for sure that she sneaks out early. I have already asked a friend to borrow a vehicle that my wife wont recognize. I'm going to take a video camera. Is there any other advice you can give me?<p>[ January 25, 2002: Message edited by: KBK ]</p>

as the WS....... if u are going to play I SPY, then u better be prepared for what u find. THINKING that someone is having an Affair, and KNOWING someone is having an affair are definelty TWO DIFFERENT things.<p>
following her to work, after work, phone calls, dkd u know u can get a local phone "bill" from your phone company? PC checks.... i dont know. LISTENING to your heart..<p>hope u dont find what u are looking for [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>mercy
WS

kbk,<p>I don't know your story or why you think she's having an A, but I agree that the A has to be exposed before you will have any chance to address the problems in your marriage. However, even if you get the proof YOU need, be prepared for her to deny it. My W has denied her EA for 10 months in spite of considerable proof.<p>Does she have a cell phone? If so, does she have detailed billing or does her carrier offer online billing? If you do spy, be careful. You don't want to get caught if she isn't doing anything wrong. Even if you do get proof, be careful with how many details you give her. If she knows how you know, she'll know how to be more careful. <p>I suggest that if and when you do find out, talk to her about it in a calm, non-confrontational manner. She may admit to it, she may deny it or it may not make a difference. Don't harp on it. Start implementing plan A and work on making changes in yourself and your marriage. Where the A goes from this point is up to her. Only SHE can stop it and decide to work on your marriage. You have to concentrate on giving her a reason to want to.<p>sad dad

KBK,
I read you "out of love" post. Don't want to be discourging, but you wife's words and actions are identical to my wife at the start of her affair. That anger and coldness may be from guilt, and she will have to demonize you in order to justify the affair.<p>Spying is awful, I know, but you have to know the truth, otherwise it will only get worse. Believe me, I stumbled along for almost two years in the dark, being led on and lied to, not knowing what to do, how to fix it. I would probably still be in the awful place had I not begun to snoop.<p>So - If she uses a computer and you have access to it, that is a very good way - that's how I finally confirmed the affair. I used IOPUS spy software, you can go to their website and get it (IOPUS.com). If you are good with the computer it is easy to install and hide.<p>I also snooped in her drawers, found birth control stuff we never used, found hidden sexy underwear, a card to the OM, (her boss) saying how she felt so close to him, things like that. She started talking about him a lot, what a great guy he was, etc. I probably would have eventually bugged the phone, but the software worked. She denied and denied, made up excuses and so on, and as I was in heavy denial I bought it to a point. Just did not want to believe it, I know how you feel.<p>I finally got her having cyber sex with him on the AOL chat line. I printed it out and confronted her with it and she finally came clean. Better (or worse!) than pictures. Be prepared for a terrible shock, like nothing you have ever experienced before.<p>She will lie and lie, and you will want to believe her. Be strong, for the sake of your children, that's what kept, and keeps, me going.<p>If there is an affair, look to this site for help, it had been VERY helpful to me.<p>Good luck, I feel for you.

O, be careful on the following her in the car - not as easy as it looks - she busted me doing it, since she, and your wife if it is an affair, will be very alert to such things.<p>
Mike

kbk,<p>I agree with what Mike said about following her, be careful. I hired a PI to follow my W, and she caught on. PI may have been incompetant, I don't know. I doubt she would have realized she was being followed if didn't have reason to look over her shoulder so to speak. When you're doing something you shouldn't be, you get suspicious and paranoid.<p>I also planted a telephone recorder in the house and heard what I needed to, but she claims she knew about it and said the things she did to hurt me. I don't believe that for a minute, but she found a way to turn it around on me. Be careful though, I heard some things that hurt like hell.<p>sad dad