I have been a long time lurker and occasional poster.<p>I'm the BS wife is the WS. D day 6/01, started EA, then PA. I plan A'd best that I could from 9/1 to now. Although not the best Plan A, I worked on me primarily. My Plan A improved with time and is now what I wish it could have been six months ago.<p>Things cooled off with OM and after a couple of months WS has said she would like to work on the marriage.<p>I'm hurt, betrayed, numb, but thrilled. We are still separated, but things are improving daily. <p>In my view turning points were: affair needed to die natural death, Plan A (basically me hanging in there and working on me), she read the Harley books and finished with SAA. At that point she said, that was me..., and me expressing a desire to meet her needs once she read the Harley principles. She now appears to beleive the Harley principles as well, and is working on feeling love for me again.<p>There is no question in my mind that the Harley principles are absolutely correct. Identify and meet each others EN's, let affair die natural death, Plan A, then go to Plan B. My opinion is Plan A should not last more than 6 months or so. Beyond that point, we become enablers of THE behavior. Do not be afraid to go to Plan B, but not until you feel great about your Plan A, and that your WS has FELT it.<p>Take care of yourself, have hope, turn to God if that is what you need, work on you, get counseling, get space away from WS if needed, and don't live this thing night and day. <p>It takes an almost impossible level of patience, and faith in God or faith in an eventual outcome. If they loved you once, they can love you again.<p>We are on the road to recovery, these principles do work, have faith and hang in there.
