I am not sure if what I am feeling right now is relief or just a way to deal with all of this crazy A stuff.<p>I am 28 and my W is 22 been married for almost 3 and have a 17 month old S.<p>D Day 1-20-2002<p>its only been a week now that the truth has come out, and only been 1 day since i agreed to let her go live with OM (who is 20 lives at home with parents) and she has our son. I agreed that she could do this as long as visitation is not an issue. We are on good speaking terms and i have even met the OM and talked to him. I know he has no idea what he is getting into sorta feel bad for the guy.(ok not really)<p>I actually feel absolutly fine about this setup. I love my WS and my son of course, but I dont feel that this is so devastating that my life is gone. <p>I have been reading lots of posts latley on the MB and can clearly see that she is following the exact pattern of a person that so many of you describe, her actions are following the pattern of a WS in everything she does and says. From this I have courage and a feeling of unity with all of you here, and for that I am deeply moved.<p>Since we are parting on good terms, as good as possible, she is classic school girl happy that I have seen the light and knows that she could never love me, but that her love for the OM is deep and passionate [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ~ thats a quote by the way from her. <p>Before she left today after making trip 2 to move her stuff the OM told me that she was going to stay with them for a couple of weeks until she could get and apartment downtown close to some of her friends. When he left I asked her about this and she said that they were going to move together downtown, (not the impression i got from OM) but for some reason if he could not move with in a couple of weeks he was going to help her $$ wise because she has no real job skills and cant afford daycare.<p>I almost started laughing out loud, it was all i could do to contain my excitement, this OM works part time at a video store and is 20, now unless his parents are going to start giving up some $$ which i seriously doubt, she has shown me that she is still way out there in this dreamworld. So i feel releived that her time is short before reality sets in, which from what I have been reading is when the healing begins or at least has a chance to start.<p>But this brings me to the point of I feel that she has betrayed me beyond hope and healing. I really dont feel that its worth working out, is this normal? also what is normal? i think i forgot<p>anyone else felt this way? am i just trying to gaurd myself from more hurt? I love my son and would like for his mother to live close by, but other than that I dont want to even try and fix the marriage, esp after all that went down.<p> [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I know that right now you are very hurt, and of course don't feel like fixing the marriage. But don't do anything too hasty. <p>Since you're the sane one right now, be sure to read the info. on this site and maybe some books about the effects of divorce on kids. You can also read Divorce Busting or the Divorce Rememdy by Michelle Weimer-Davis(sp?).<p>Your wife is very young. She is not making very good decisions right now, but don't let her immaturity ruin your son's life or your marriage. <p>Divorce, child support, custody agreements etc. will not be easy for either of you, or your son.<p>Since this is still early, step back, Plan A and watch and see what happens. Make sure your son is ok through all of this. When reality sets in, which it sounds lke may be sooner than later, the affair may die, and then WW may want to work on marriage.<p>Keep posting, try not to lose hope, and don't give up on your marrige yet. WW has an addiciton - A, which may die a natural death. <p>Don't pressure her right now. Don' LB and try to figure out her emotional needs. <p>You are the older wiser one and she may be rebelling from that, and a 20 year old may not be able to provide for her, especially now that he has to take care of a child. <p>Give it time, improve yourself. K

Hi, <p>I just posted to you in JFO. I see that you may need to consider both sides of plan a and b. <p>$$ is a reality check for many. Many a WS' calculator in their brain malfunctions during the A. Funny how they think they can make it. <p>So for now, step back let her move (kinda like a plan B), except for where care comes in for your son. If you see that her decisions are jepordizing your son's care and safety, then prepare a back up plan for him (not her). See needs to see that this fantasy romance will not hold up in the real world. Babies cry at any given time. What are the OM's parenting skills? Hm..... at 20 years.... I'd question even leaving his own child in his care (hey I am an over 40ish person so I can rightfuly say that.... LOL!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ). <p>In the meantime you still need to keep yourself up. Post, read and pay attention. You are still in the early stages of all of this. All the anger and frustration will come later. Don't rush that. <p>For now, work on yourself and know that you are still in shock. Get help for yourself ASAP so that when these other wave of emotions hit, you are better prepared. <p>Take Care,
L.

digitalslavery,<p>You have gotten some great advice.<p>It sounds like your not sure what you want to do about this right now. That is Ok. You are the only one who can make that decision. I would just like to go along with GIIC and say don't do anything untill you make that decision. Moving too quickly to divovrce eliminates options. I feel that it os better to keep options of reconciliation open as long as possible. You can file for divorce whenever you want, but when you do that, in most cases, all options for reconciliation dissapear.<p>Just somthing to think about.<p>Thanks
Rev