W has filed an order of protection against me it was finalized on Thursday, the judge asked what started the incident and she said that she found out that I had extramarital affairs with women off of the internet, I am in no way justifying what I did, however I was physically with just one even she found emails from several women who were interested. I started chatting in September and in December acted on the desire to be with another woman, and my wife found out the very next week when she found the emails with graphic language of the encounter, and the desire to continue seeing each other once a week. Needless to say I have stopped seeing ow and have been trying to find a way to let my wife know how much that I am sorry, I love her and want to ask for her forgiveness. I have now been out of the house now for 3 weeks and cannot contact her at all or I go to jail. She also tried to give me divorce papers at the courthouse but I did not take them, I told the judge that I loved my wife and want the marriage to work. I will be moving the rest of my things next Saturday, and have told her that I would take the divorce papers. She also informed me that she wanted money for bills, well if I were home that would not be an issue and I have been forced to find a place to stay in the mean time, I got an apartment on a 3 month lease for the time being. We go to the same church and play and sing in the choir, the remorse I feel and want to share with her is tearing me up inside, and the pain that I see on her face hurts bad. Looks like the end is near and I will lose the person that I love very much. I have also been dealing with issues why I did what I did. Have read surviving and affair, and am reading a book called surviving infidelity, both are hard hitting and force you if you are sincere to look at what made me do what I did, I did not like what I saw in myself and have takin steps to fix, which include no chat rooms, no tv except for sports, reading the bible, not listening to secular music, and in general getting to know the Lord, in a more intimate way. I will still see her on a weekly basis, I dont know if that is good or bad, but one thing I know for sure is that she wants out and the sooner the better, how can I start to ask for forgiveness?<p>D-Day 1/8/02
1/8/02 left house per the wife request
1/14/02 w filed ex parte against me because I did not leave the house immediately when she asked
1/24/02 judge granted order of protection against me for 1 year to have no contact with her
1/25/02 wife tells me that if I really loved her I would take divorce papers and get my stuff out of the house<p>married 3 years
I am 39 years old and have 11 year old son from first marriage this is my second
She 39 years old has 21 year son and 19 year old daughter from first marriage, this is her third marriage
I am in weekly counseling with my Pastor and reading books and posting here !

needing advice,<p>IMVHO, you should write a plan A letter as soon as possible, there is a sample written by WAT but you have to modify it as for WS. Also give a SAA book along w/ your letter. It is a long shot judging the damage have been done so far. Pray and hope that she will read it, you are planting a seed for the future not now. Make sure you include the compensatory, making amends, things that you are already start doing. Ask her to give you time and a chance on her terms. She might looks at you w/ disgusts and not wanting to accept even the letter however pray and ask your pastor topray for yuo too before you leave to give the book & the letter to her.<p>You have to move out your stuff and take the Dv letter. It is not the end of it. Dv wil take a while before it is finalized, at some state you have to wait for 6 months. Plan A'ng your gut and soul off. It is good that she has a weekly contact w/ you. Meanwhile you harvest what you planted.<p>Have your pastor try to talk to your W at all ?.<p>Good luck.

NA, D-day was less than 3 weeks ago. Your wife needs time. You have to get your stuff and get the D-papers, but don't push too much. The pain she is feeling is incredibly devastating and the mere site of you probably tears her up inside.<p>The day I found out, my H and I got in a huge fight. I slapped him and he threw his ring at me. The mere thought of seeing or talking to him sickened me. I had not found this site yet, so I probably would have filed for divorce if I did not go to a family member and not talk to him for a week. I needed a cool-down period. It would have been longer if I was as angry as your wife seems to be. I was more hurt and still wanted to save my marriage. Your wife seems like she holds in alot of anger and reacts appropriately.<p>Plan A whenever you can, and I like the idea of your paster talking to your W. Does sending her SAA and a letter in the mail constitute contact?? I think that is an excellent idea. Simply add that you will not give up and that you want to PROVE to her that you are serious. That you are there if she ever wants to contact you.<p>Keep the letter short at first, you don't want to overwhelm her. If she accepts it, then you can start plan Aing even more, writing more letters as a few more weeks go by, including maybe some anonymous flowers/chocoloates/whatever. Eventually, you can hopefully pour your heart out in a long-letter to her that you are sure she will read. If you do this as your first letter though, it will probably end up in the garbage...<p>Good luck, NA. You seem to be doing all you can right now. I might also suggest that you help here by posting to other WS's or BS's. It does feel good to help others. <p>I hope you are serious about your plans for the future and that your wife sees your commitment and is able to see past her anger.<p>HbH

NA,<p>"I was physically with just one" herein is a big part of the problem... you have yet to realize that 'just one' time is enough. <p>As for what to do? We talked about your sending her a Plan A letter in your other threads. You know what to do. I've asked you to start it by writing here what you want to say to her and we can help you refine it.<p>You have let very valuable time slip by. I am curious as to why you have not been acting on the things suggested to you? Do you think they are bad ideas? Or is there another reason?

I guess I have been waiting because I am not supposed to contact her through any medium per the official papers. I will start though and try to figure out how to get it to her without her putting me in jail. And yeah I agree it does not matter if she thinks that I have been with more than one woman I have gotten the point. I appreciate all of your support, still learning my way around in here. Oh by the way should I try to get this website in to my wifes hands someway?

I would even walk up to her and give it my self, told her that please read this and all in here (your plan A letter + SAA book) is worth going to jail for. You have to act beyond your words.