My H is away for the weekend at a conference. I am amazingly, incredibly calm... <p>Now mind you this is the first time in 12 or so years, except when he left this summer, that he has been away from me and the kids (and even in the summer he spent a good portion of each day and night at the house).<p>BTW, I have gone to overnight, weekend and even weekly conference trips. I have even shared a room with a male coworker [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] . I was actually very excited that H was going and didn't make any attempts to join him... as I usually do. Why?<p>Because, I am detaching? ???I really can't say.
Yesterday we said our goodbyes and had a couple of phone calls as we were both driving... him to conference... me to submit an application for a new job (yeah! another BIG step for me... I was hired in this school district 16 years ago... spent 12 years at one school... so change is not easy...)...in one phone call I even told him that I wasn't concerned about him going... that I wasn't worried that he'd contact OW... I was just excited that he was going to get some time away and do what I usually do...<p>about an hour later H called me. gave me the big "just listen... don't say anything intro..." I'm thinkin' great... what revelation has he had now... OW is gonna be there? Well...he says "I won't call the trifling b*t*h anymore, if you promise not to." I said excuse me and he repeated it. I asked what brought this on. He said he'd just called Princess and she went on and on about how he couldn't control me... how she didn't want me calling her... how she didn't want me in her life... how she just knew something bad was gonna happen... how I always find out about contact... and probably more stuff he didn't say... but he just repeated several times that she was a trifling b*t*h and he wasn't gonna call her anymore, but I had to promise not to either. <p>For the record, I have called her 5 times. Three times one day in June (all within 5 minutes)when Hurricane Cali moved in when he 'moved out' and a couple of weeks ago I called her two times. All times I left very truthful, non-obscene messages. I have never called her the hundreds of names that come to mind... I simply spoke truth... apparently the truth hurts... and it scares her... I told him she might think about not choosing the H of someone she knows for a lover... then trying to be friendly w/ W of lover...<p>I told him that I really didn't want his not calling her to hinge on some promise that I would not call her. I just wanted him not to call her cause HE DIDN'T WANT TO...additionally I'd like it be that he wanted to work on the marriage...<p>He said he's not there yet, one piece at a time. <p>Meanwhile, back at the ranch I picked up OS from his karate test (yeah, earned his next belt)... called H and let OS brag.. Then the boys and I watched cartoons, ate fast food and when they went to bed I took a long soak in the tub. H called to chat and say night to the boys... I didn't linger on the phone... say that I missed him or be anxious that he was away... I just wished him a good conference.<p>I haven't even been tempted to call him... and usually I would call him at least a couple of times...<p>Boys are spending night at cousins... so I am completely alone... slowly cleaning house and enjoying the peace and quiet...<p>I'm not doing backflips over this development, but I have to say that I feel something important has happened...<p>Cali

That is wonderful Cali, I hope it sticks... your H and mine seem to be in similar places... my ow makes a lot of mistakes, and my h gets extremely mad at her... YEA! But really mad if I call him or her about it, I obsessed last week over contact... and now have told him I did not want to hear aobut her, ... and it is too hurtful.<p>I am trying to picture her as totatlly out of my league, and H has even told me that she is totally out of my league... GREAT, glad to hear that, seeing that I would never be an ow.<p>OK, well, anyway,... I am thrilled for you... lay low, give him space and time and let him make the moves.<p>Hugs, HONEY

Good for you Cali,<p>it is nice to get to a place of serenity. I am there some days, and other days, I am a mess.<p>I was alone last night and really enjoyed it. Very relaxing for a change. I was ready for the kids to come back today tho.<p>Have a great weekend. It is nice to kind of kick back for awhile. Take care P.

Wow, Cali, it must be great when H calls OW a b*t*h. I would love to hear those words....they would be like music to my ears. You have to be able to rest in the fact that he has seen the light of day and sees OW for who she is. That has got to add great strength to your marriage building.<p>TW

Hi Cali,<p>Has he ever called her names before? Maybe he's starting to believe maintaining the A is getting to be too much trouble. Maybe OW is starting to LB in frustration. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sometimes peace comes from realizing you can't be in control of the situation, that the outcome is not directly in your hands. I'm glad you're feeling OK about letting go some.<p>Good luck with your job search.<p>Take care,
Estes

nope... never called her names to me before... has said that we were both controlling... but never heard the trifling or the B word before... <p>yeah... she keeps tripping big time... she HATES the fact that I exist and wants him to 'muzzle' me... she has been able to effectively do that with her H... Her problem w/ me is that I won't go quietly into that good night... AND that I am not spewing lies or ugliness... just truth...<p>she's big time afraid because this 'affair' stuff is a lifestyle for her and I have and will out her... AND I have first-hand knowledge of a BIG secret she doesn't want her H to know... she's probably afraid he will leave her and get custody of their daughter...<p>O... what a web we weave when we practice to deceive... <p>She is as my H has stated 'trifling.' She is a major man trifler. <p>Cali

I did really good and did not call H... though as time went on yesterday, I could feel a little of the anxiety start to rise... especially as he was not calling us...<p>MS wasn't feeling well yesterday and wanted to talk to him, so I did have to leave message for him regarding that... but that's all I said... MS has stomachache and doesn't feel good and wants to talk to you.<p>Anyway he finally tried to call, but I was on Internet... so he left Pagoo message... his phone was dying and he'd call me late...<p>Next thing I know my cell phone rang... his roommate let H use his cell...<p>He asked what I was doing... started talking about the great seafood restaurant that they'd gone to... how he wanted to take me there... that there was a movie theatre just across from it so that we could go to movies and dinner... <p>We talk about conference a bit... we didn't talk long cause it wasn't his cell...<p>Anyway... I went to bed smiling cause it was me he was thinking of to take to the restaurant... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... <p>Cali