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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARgh!!!!!!!!!!<p>ok.. holding down the 'a' key on my keyboard isnt quite the same.<p>I am still hanging in there. but I wish we could have a break from it all, we both need vacation from emotions, but she can't stop being miserable. I suggested a psychiatrist because her depression is starting to affect her life as well. But I still feel that I am tourturing her by "preventing" them from being together. She still says she is missing OM more each day. She said her first love long ago (before I even knew her) when they broke up she thought about him every day for 6 years, so she doesnt think her feeligns will ever change. I'm busy listening being a "rock" for her to lean on. She says she is worried because she is afraid of making me more depressed. I tell her I have gotten so much stronger emotionally, she can use me as much as she needs. Not sure if she accepted that. I had a few tears in my eyes but I was not crying.<p>2 weeks only so far. I know we have a long way to go, its just so tiring to be the driving force in a relationship with someone who wants to be with someone else. I guess Ill take my own advice, it may not seem like it, butit will get easier eventually. She just seems so sure and I KNOW how stubborn she is. She wont let go of him easily. She says she feels like she is using me because I am being so nice to her and patient, this makes her feel really guilty. I tell her thats what friends and husbands are for.<p>Oh. btw news from the homefront apparently OM went out to a danceclub last night with friends. (thats where he met my WW) HE apparently can move on..I wish my wife could. My wife's friend knows him and I am afraid she give her updates. I know more than one friend is telling her she should "do what makes her happy". I wont/cant stop her from talking to them though. What a mess this all is, im too young to deal with this I think, shouldnt I be enjoying my life?<p>no big need to reply this is just me venting I've said all this before already too. I suppose this is what journals are for, but this is so much more interactive.<p>Oh anyone have any other comforting words to use when someone is being sad about OP? I think I've run out.<p>[ January 27, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

Only if those keyboard could talk ... HangingIn, sometime silence if golden. She has to find it herself, no one can. You could only help and you need to be strong in there. 6 years of affairs will take time to slow it down. I admire your strength since I might have to deal with it with my WW's 5 years of EA plus few years of PA.

My post might have been a tad confusing as it was a running train of thought. my wife has not had the A for 6 years now, its 1 year. What she was saying, I think, is telling me about her first real love ever. This was years ago and not an A, when they broke up it took her 6 years before she could stop thinking about him every day. She says she still has feelings for him and they ended things many many years ago.
So what she is trying to tell me is that no matter how much time I give her her current feelings for this OM will never die and her heart will not be open to loving me.<p>You know though, when I did give her space last night and this morning she asked me to hold her.
Though I dont know if it was because she thought I was upset or because she needed me. <p>Last night when she said again she would rather be living alone, I asked her if she meant without anyone? You seem to be miserable because you miss him, wouldnt it be worse if I wasnt here? She said maybe thats what she needs. I said though you admit you are comforted a little when I hold you right? She said," its not you, i just needed someone" hmm ow.<p>One of the disadvantages of having someone know you so well is they know just the right way to hurt you too. Right for the heart.<p>Well suck it up right?<p>[ January 27, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>