My WS says that it was the "emotional abuse"
that I placed upon her that contributed to her affair. Im sure that I have some fault in the problems in our marriage. I have read the books and am in plan A for a while now,(a month) but how can I get her to beleive I really am a changed man?
I try everyday not to LB but i have a few times. Its very hard not too. I still love her as much as the day we were married 9 years ago. Is it common for her not to want to hold my hand, or hear that "I love you" from me? Can our marriage recover?..I can get past the affair, but somtimes she makes me feel like a doormat and she wants a divorce...Does she beleive life will be better without me?...I truly beleive OM is no where near the picture.
well im just venting...and scared she will leave anyday and anytime...just from seeing my face and nothing more. I do love her with all my heart.
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>
...(a month) but how can I get her to beleive I really am a changed man?
<hr></blockquote></strong><p>Only your consistant Plan Aing will do that. You can't really get her to believe you. She has to decide to believe you all by herself. And only time will work in your favor.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>
I try everyday not to LB but i have a few times. Its very hard not too.
<hr></blockquote></strong><p>Yes, it is very hard. We all slip-up from time to time. Just let those go and try again a little harder. Don't give up.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>
Is it common for her not to want to hold my hand, or hear that "I love you" from me? Can our marriage recover?.
<hr></blockquote></strong><p>Yes, yes, and definately yes.
But this takes some time. Some of her issues are guilt as much as they are her anger at you for her perceived or real slights. Just hang with the Plan Aing. Don't give up.<p>Have you two taken the EN survey? Would she be willing to? If she would, please do so immediately if you have not already. At least so that you will know her ENs.<p>Hoping this helps
jdb

Sounds like you're doing all the right things - especially since you feel like a doormat.<p>Get a good support system in place to help you Plan A, because it's NOT EASY.<p>It is very common for WS not to want to hear I love you and not to want any physical contact with BS whatsoever. Give it time.<p>Plan As last from 3-6 mos. It takes that long for WS to notice any consistant changes.<p>Hang in there. K

I agree, and my ws did not want to hold hand, and does not like to hear i love yous right now... he is probably feeling lots of guilt... he like s time with me now, but not in front of kid.s... so babysitting is expensive... he does not want to lead them on.... ha.<p>OK, anyway, keep trying, know there are others out there doing the same thing. good luck, and just do it one day at a time, or one minute at a time if hyou have to.<p>HONEY