I'm still in the land of the torn and so is she. I've come to understand that those of you who have replied to my posts that my W is still pretty fogged are right. He's broken the relationship off with her but left the "If you really need someone to talk to, call me" door open. She's still wanting him, wanting to call him. I set up a new dial up service for her this weekend and she emailed him, just to check if she had the email right. She added him to her messager. Who is this weak woman who clings to someone that doesn't want her anymore? It can't be MY wife but it is.<p>So we talked about me moving back in. Well I basically announced that I had arrived to that conclusion and here's why: xyz. I had to finally make her sit down with me on Sunday because she didn't seem to want to deal with it. All of a sudden she's motivated to find a way to make ends meet with the apartment. She picked up extra hours even last night, she is looking for a new job. I listened to all this and told her that it's too little, too late. My phone got cut off, I have bills waiting to be paid, I can't keep up my insurance on my car. I'm in bad shape and she's not much better plus I'm facing layoff!<p>She tells me that the reason we have so many problems is that I'm a negative person, I never give things a chance. What she doesn't realize is that we CAN'T make it, even is she suddenly makes half again her normal income. I'm facing the reality of the situation and she is still living in fog land. She is basically shutting herself off to making progress if I return to the house. She thinks I'm going there to make HER leave or to control her, which isn't the case. At the end of our conversation last night I told her to keep an open mind about this, that I would't promise her anything but to give it a chance so she can see that it's not going to be like before. She came and lay next to me for a while when she got home. I feel like if we can weather this initial storm we'll be okay. I'm just not willing to live with her continuing to lie to me. She told me she hadn't contacted him but she did. She told me that she imported a contact list and he was on it but she manually added him and then emailed him. I'm a big proponent of honesty and she's still not giving it to me.<p>So I'm planning to go ahead with moving in this week. Time will tell if we'll be able to do this, I don't have too much hope left anymore. I'm getting to the place where I can be okay either way. I'm afraid that my feelings for her are going to die before she comes out of the fog. We've both been hurt and unhappy for a long time, letting go of her seems like the more attractive option but inside I feel like that would be a mistake. So here I am confused still, waiting to hear if I'm going to be laid off this week. News comes out at 9:15 est. Joy.<p>*sigh*

SG.. Ugh sorry things did not turn out as well as they might have, though it doesnt sound like they were as BAD as they could have been either. <p>Maybe it was the pressure of you moving back in is what is driving her to contact the OM. She is no longer in control of it and to her it seems like you are forcing the issue, though you don't have any choice. Ugh. I've said it before my friend, I DONT envy you in the least that you have the finacial pressures on top of everything. Hang in there. stay sane! Ill chat you later on ICQ to see you your job notice went.

Moving back in is always a good idea in my book because 1) you shouldn't be punishing yourself for the WS's bad acts 2) it's harder for them to carry on A when you're there - they really have to go out of their way to do it 3) you can plan A better in the same location.<p>How is your support system? Are you doing anything to take care of you? Both are important to weather these storms.<p>Before you totally give up, you should always try Plan B - divorce and separation will always be an option.<p>I can't stand the lies either, but I could if it didn't impact the children, which it does, and now my protective mothering instincts are setting in, so I'm taking action. But I would rather be strong enough to weather the storm.<p>Plan Aers really only succeed with a good support system, and spending lots of time on getting themselves together. It not only helps you become a better person, but it also helps distract you from the A. K

We're in counseling (same C, IC sessions right now). I post here and stay in communication with a couple people I've met on these boards via Email or chat.<p>My family isn't an option, I haven't shared with them. Her family knows but I try to keep that at a minimum because it does more harm that good. I'm planning to give it a try and if it doesn't work out then so be it. I pray it does but I am also a realist.