D-Day was 6 months ago. I have been in serious Plan "A" since then. WS has seen and acknowledged the changes in me. My problem is she is saying now that she doesn't know what to do. She loves us both, can't imagine living without either one of us. She talks to him constantly on the phone.
She admits that I could provide her with what he does (conversation), but she won't give me the chance. She says that she is in-love with him, but also loves me and the security i provide. We have 3 children. Things really seemed to be going good for us until 2 weeks ago, I had gotten her to commit to not calling him..(initiating) the calls. Then i discovered that she was lying again about it. She was calling him 4-8 times a day. <p>It's been hell since then. She shows no affection. Barely talks. Is so moody that it's hard to live there. She has quit calling me at work since then. <p>How do you know when it's time for Plan "B". I am sick of this life. I've been the doormat for 6 months and deserve better than this. I want to kick her out, but am afraid that that will make her choice for her..i want HER to choose who/what she wants. <p>If she is so in-love with him, why don't she leave me ? If she really loved me...why would she be calling him all the time ? I don't understand...i tohught i had it all figured out..now i feel clueless AND helpless. <p>HELP ME.....what do i do ??? <p> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

sad daddy,<p>Perfect title for this post. She is having her cake and eating it too, and really has no reason to choose. You really don't want to give her an ultimatum and force her to choose. Kicking her out is not the answer, and neither is plan B as long as your still living together. However, I suggest you focus your attention on you and your kids. Still be kind and loving, but begin to withdraw a little, do your own thing. Not to get a reaction from her, but to slowly detach yourself from a painful situation as best you can while still being together. This may help you get your emotions in check for the long haul.<p>sad dad

6 months is about the time most start thinking about Plan B. <p>Plan B is when you feel that you will lose too many love units because of your wife's behavior and are in danger of blowing your Plan A or just totally falling uot of love with her.<p>Remember that Plan B is supposed to be final - meaning no contact with her unless she chooses the marriage. So you have to be ready to move on in life without her. <p>It's a difficult choice, but you could always start writing your Plan B letter and circulate it on the board for a while and then see how you feel. <p>Plan A lays groundwork for Plan B. Plan A also shows WS what marriage would be like if they ended the affair. If after a certain amount of time the affair is still continuing and you have dmeonstrated change, then maybe Plan B is in order.<p>Both Plans are also what you do while you are waiting for the affair to end. Read SAA (Surviving an Affair) for more detailed explainaton.<p>Hope this helps. K

This sounds familiar - I'm in a very similar spot, although at about the 5 month mark.<p>I too have felt like a doormat, and have enabled her throughout my Plan A. She's recognized changes, says that she would probably regret leaving, etc. but refuses to make a decision. She's in serious cake eating mode too.<p>So what have I done? I've taken a hard look at the stories of some other people, such as CarolKH. What I've done is implement a set of "180's" - withdrawing, essentially. It's giving WW some serious space and time to herself, absolutely no pressure, and a possible taste of Plan B, even before Plan B!! If you're curious about an update on how it's going for me, check out:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=015148<p>The bottom line is that I'm not sure if this approach will save my M, but I'm sure starting to feel better - more self-confident, self-reliant, and generally happier. Think about it, anyway. I think this is a natural progression. I'm not sure exactly how long I'll give it, but with some interesting results, my patience has been renewed somewhat! But I'm also becoming more prepared for Plan B, too. Give it some thought, realizing that you DO have choices, and do have ways to change the dynamics of your situation, even without resorting to full-blown Plan B.