So I come back from my counseling session in good spirits, had a good talk and my mind is clear and focused.<p>My wife is meeting with the someone about bills and such, desperately trying to find a way to keep me out of the house. She calls me to tell me the good news, we need x amount of money to cover the house and cars. She'll cover the rest of the utilities for the house and will only need my help with incidentals.<p>I just lost my job today, last day is Friday. They led me to believe that I would be exempt but I get no get out of jail free card. So now I need to grab a quick job to supplement my unemployment.<p>My wife has the nerve to budget me into a corner. Literally leaving me 100 dollars a week leftover (after I put in my share for the house and cars and pay for the loan I took out to consolidate some debt so I could move out and she could bring that [censored] into my bed). So I have a 500 dollar rent paymeny, couple hundred in utilities PLUS food, gas, insurance etc. to pay for but only 400 dollars to pay it plus whatever I can come up with to supplement my time off.<p>She has the brass iron balls to get mad at ME because I tell her that's not going to work and that I am going ahead with my plans to move back into the house. I'm glad she's working tonight because I would most likely have just tossed her on her [censored] and let her fend for herself.<p>I'm going to pick up my son and take him for a haircut now and say a quick prayer for patience. I'm reaching the end of my rope here and I need to calm down.<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: Seeking_Guidance ]</p>

Okay, I think prayer for patience is a good place to start. <p>There is absolutely no reason for you to be out of your own home because of foolish choices made by your W. Plan A, okay, but turning you out of your home, away from your family and then letting HIM in ???? And then leaving you stuck with next to nothing to live on??? <p>I'm so sorry about this, Seeking. The lay-off timing could not have been worse. From your post it sounds like she's forced you out and you're going back home today. Is this right? Why are you out of the house to begin with? If she needs "her space" why doesn't she go and find it herself? <p>I'm sure someone else with good advice will be along shortly. Just wanted you to know I'm here, reading, listening and praying with you. <p>Snow

Seeking-<p>I suggest that you move back in ASAP. There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be there. It is your home as well. And since you are now 'financially challenged', you don't really have a choice. Just be ready for some serious fireworks when you do, be a good test of your patience and Plan A abilities. Tell W that you are entitled to the house as much as she is. Maybe set some boundaries on what is considered 'his' and 'her' space. Tell W that she has two choices, stay or go.<p>If you could remind us of two things: why did you leave in the first place, and is OM living in the house right now? <p>By the way, do not, I repeat DO NOT, tell W that the only way you are going to leave is for W to file a restraining order. I said that and guess what, she did! Legally, probably not much she can do, just don't get abusive, verbally, mentally, emotionally or physically. Stay out of her way as much as possible until things calm down, maybe concentrate on house things, or better yet, your S.

Ok S_G I'm with you too. As I'm sure you know, I agree with the advice you're getting.<p>lovherstill makes a very good point. I was alluding to this yesterday when I suggested you act before she has a chance to "pull anything funny" With you having a seperate residence, she could go to a lawyer and maybe get you blocked from returning. It would take swearing to some lies, but you already know she's capable of lying right?<p>I'd get back in the home as quickly as you can, and get your name off the lease on the apt.
David

Sorry, I should put this info in my profile. I moved out 3 months ago under the assumption that we were going to get some help and make our marriage work. I only found out two weeks ago that she's been seeing someone for the last 8 months. I left, started making changes to myself only to find out that she's had this man in my house, in my bed and they were planning a "big step" the week that they broke it off, he was going to sleep over in MY house.<p>I've told her nothing has changed, that I will be moved back in before the end of the month which is Thursday. She wants to talk it over tonight, again, but nothing is going to change and she won't accept it.<p>She told me that if I move in she would most likely pack her things and go. I'm almost sure this is her last ditch effort to make me stay out of the house but I can't afford it! I won't pay for this house while she sees another person, even though they have broken it off he told her that when she sorts her life out to give him a call. She's still in the fog and that might be just what she's planning. I'm letting self preservation take over. The house is mine in title and I have every right to be here. Thanks for the prayers everyone.

You need to move back into your house. She obviously can't afford to be on her own so I too believe that the threat of her moving out if you move back in is pretty empty. How do you think OM would react to your wife in true distress? Would he welcome her into his own home? Would he offer to support her in a place of her own? Doubtful. <p>Just promise us that you will stay focused, stay in control and PATIENT. Don't let her bully you into staying out. She should be thanking you for giving her this time and opportunity to be on her own to regroup and think about things.<p>Call her bluff. It's your place. if she leaves, let her know that it's her choice and not yours, that you'd rather have your family in tact. <p>Snow<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: Snowwhite ]</p>

Snowwhite:<p>I am calling her bluff and I'm setting aside the guilt she's trying to lay on my shoulders. It hit me when we were talking just a little while ago that this is probably the most stressed out I will be in my whole life, learning of the A (and another indiscretion with a friend, kissing petting) and losing my job yet she can't summon one ounce of understanding.<p>I told her tonight to go to him if she wants to be with him so badly. She knows he can't take her in because he lives with HIS PARENTS. He's a goddamn 23 year old college student who doesn't want to deal with her baggage anymore. I'm not always going to be here willing to make things work and I'm quickly reaching my limit. She'll look back on this someday and regret it. I will too but I'm trying to come away from it a wiser, better person.

Good for you, SG, you are taking your life back into your own hands. GO HOME.