I have come to realize (admit) that I have been verbally abusive to my H for a long time. STOPPED in September 2001. H moved out in November 2001. I have been bending over backwards and haven't been negative, hurtful, raging, or critical. Have been very supportive and offered him whatever I could do for him. I realize what I did, and I am truly sorry. I have asked God for his forgiveness and in some ways have forgiven myself. I have survived through horrible circumstances that created a hurtful and mean monster within me. I believe that I have slaughtered that monster and feel at peace for once in my life. My problem is that my H wants to love me and trust me, but he's scared. I understand that. What more can I do to help him heal and not be so scared to trust me? I beat myself up enough for everyone, so please don't use this as a sounding board to beat me up somemore. I truly regret the pain I have caused and I am only trying to fix it.<p>Thanks for helping.

SP,<p>Time, he an you need time, he has lived oh so long with you one way, its only a matter of time that he can know you another. <p>congratulations on slaying the beast! <p>dont belabor the change to him dont waste energy telling him about it. just be different, just be different as he experiences the new you without the fan fair he will come to know you as you are not how you were.<p>give him time he surely gave it to you..

Welcome to MB SerenityPrayer,<p>Not knowing the whole story, I can only say generally that if you are determined, you can take steps to help your H begin to trust you again. It will take a long, long time so you need to be very patient.<p>If you have not already done so, go to the main site and read about Plan A. Also, memorize the information and suggestions about avoiding LBs (lover busters). The thing that will go the longest way to teaching your H to trust that you have changed is to be absolutely consistent in avoiding abusive behavior.<p>Are you in counseling to help you change your behavior? Is infidelity involved in your situation? I am asking not to pry, but because knowing more details helps us be of more help.<p>Write back. There are many people who can help.<p>Again welcome to MB,
Estes

I have been abusive verbally and some physical... and I too am in pain, my H has done a lot of this to me, and I think even more of it to me... but he seems to think I am the only one dishing it out.... I feel real bad too, and I hope it will get better for both of us... HUGS TO YOU, you deserve it.<p>HONEY

Chaz, I feel like I have given it time, and I know I need to give it more, but it's so hard. I don't see him making any steps. I have been plan aing for a while, and I guess in some ways it's making me more appealing to him. I have learned a lot here and I put into practice MB concepts. I see him acting now like I used to and now see myself going into withdrawal.<p>Estes49, I have done some counseling and been here learning. We are in marriage counseling, but have only gone 2 times. (Counselor is a bear to get into see) There is no infedility as far as physical or emotional affair, but we have both been unfaithful with each other in the way we treated each other. We both betrayed each other, don't trust each other, need to rebuild.<p>Honey, thanks for the hugs. Here's some back at ya! (((((HUGS))))) I guess it's just keeping it up with the plan A.<p>I wish I knew how to make him believe that I am trustworthy. I feel like he doesn't believe in me and that hurts.

<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: JD13 ]</p>