My H has left me three times now , and had an affair each time. I now believe that I have the strength and the knowledge to deal with these issues in a way that they will hopefully never surface again.I am praying continually, and getting lots of strength from God. I also have a wonderful support group. Still, I hurt so desperately that I am at times just surviving from minute to minute. We have a truly wonderful marriage with no real problems. I don't believe that my H ever intends to leave me permanently for these OW's. He always picks out someone that is low class and unattractive, which makes me think that he knows that he will not become involved in a long term relationship.I have a long story here , but I will just ask this question for now. I got a message on my answering machine today from the H of the OW. He wants me to call him. He said that he wonders if I am hurting as badly as he is, and that I should just ask if I need anything. I am not sure if this is a bad move for me to make. We always go directly to Plan B, as strange as it may sound , my H has morals that are too strong to allow him to look me in the eye every day when he is having an A. We have been seperated for 9 weeks, and I feel that things should straighten out soon. Historically, he has been gone about 3 months each time. I will try to post my story in m,ore detail some other time, but for now I just need advice on whether or not to contact the H of the OW. Thank you!

I'll pipe in my 2 cents.<p>I would call the man and see what he had to say. He might inform you of something that might be important.<p>If he wanted to meet and I decided after talking about it with him that he had more of value to tell me, I'd do it in a public place like a coffee house or not too fancy restaurant. And I'd make it short.<p>But I would be very leary of letting him get too close. You already have a problem and don't need to be his shoulder to cry on.

just be cautious...<p>OW's H used me and tried to lie against me... to get into her favor... <p>Cali

Thank you zorweb and cali. I have been reading here at MB for awhile, and I feel that this is where I gain lots of insight. My heart is all torn apart this morning. Mornings are usually like that for me. I left my home , and moved into an apartment because I didn't want to feel that lonely house all around me that used to be a home. Now, 9 weeks later, I miss my home so much! I'm afraid to move back because I don't want to do anything that will LB and possibly slow things down. There are times when I don't feel like I can go thru this even one more minute. I am praying that H will come to talk with me soon. He always comes back as suddenly as he leaves. I know that he is a good person with Bad issues. I MISS HIM!!! He told me on the day that I left that he misses him too. He also said that this is "something inside of him" and has nothing to do with me or our M. I Haven't spoken with him since December 14 , it is so hard to hang on to something that seems so shaky and distant! Thank you for caring, that really helps!<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: waitingagain ]</p>

What are the consequences to him for having an affair?
This would be a good time to work on making yourself feel like you can be alone and be ok with it.
Even Dr. Harley talks about reparation from the WS.
I know you love him, and you are lonely, and you want your marriage, and you want the COMFORTABLE feelings of home to return, but at what cost to you?
There is a thread here that talks about insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results, and doing 180 degree turnarounds, and a venution lady story, you should read these. Or someone who knows how can give you the link.
Good luck, be strong, you are not alone.