I'm sitting here stunned at the capacity to hurt I've discovered in my wife. We talked for some time again last night, I really made it clear that we would fall so far short of our bills if we tried to keep this apartment but she STILL won't listen to reason. We'd be a minimum of 600 dollars short and that doesn't even include emergency money, entertainment etc. I showed her this on paper and her response "600 dollars is nothing for us, we can make that up in no time." Well I lost my job and I KNOW that it's not that easy.<p>I was getting angry again and I decided to walk away. She came onto ICQ and we did the message thing back and forth for a while. It was nasty, she's feeling like a trapped animal now. She told me she's going to go on welfare and move out in a month if I move in. Oh, she plans to take my son as well. She says she's never loved me, never could stand me touching her, the whole nine yards. I keep trying to tell myself that she's letting her anger and the fog speak for her but I'm at my limit. She says she refuses to love me, that she won't be forced into anything. She blames me for not getting her citizenship done (she's a permanent resident but has been here most of her life) even though I've offered to go with her to Chicago so she can just get it done in a day. She's so willing to place the blame for this situation squarely on my shoulders. I accept what I've done. Seeing her react to the stress I am going through makes the path I need to walk pretty clear. I'm sad to see it happen like this but I won't give in to her this time. I fine my will crumbling as she chips away at me but I just need to read the email I found that she had sent to him the week things blew up. I just have to remind myself that she let this man meet my son.<p>This is our financial reality but somehow I'm controlling her and pressuring her. She has a lot of issues, more than just me and I know this. Our counselor is working with her slowly and digging into them. The funny thing is everyone agrees that I should move back in, the advice I find here, you people who are experienced in this sort of thing, even our counselor told me that I need to take care of me and get this done. She had the nerve to tell me that she's begun to read up on the MB site and that I am doing wrong by her. She sent me an email with the budgeting information attached. How she can take what is to be found on this website and twist it to her own uses is beyond me. I told her to read up on some articles such as "Why Women Leave Men" and the tips they give for ending and surviving an affair.<p>So I am calling a lawyer today, like I should have done two weeks ago. I am going to make sure that I am protected when I move back in. I'm going to make sure she doesn't drag my son into a life devoid of people who care for him. I'm going to make sure most of all that when she flips out and starts trying to hit and break things that I have the strength to have her removed. I should have done it last week when she started in on me, I even had the scratches to show the police. I'm going to alert my In Laws in case I need them to take my boy away because he doesn't deserve to see that.<p>Now she's on the phone and won't stop calling here, threatening to come up to my job. This is going to end badly.

Seeking_Guidance,<p>I am sorry for you and your situation. It could have been me. Actually, my WW "moved out" and only see me less than 2 hours last week. You know what, she is draining whtaever love I have for her. I am ready for plan B, she trains me for it. I didn't miss her a bit. You did the right thing to move back in. Remember she can not just walk away with the kid removing him from the primary resident, check it w/ your lawyer. You should of just move in and told her that you have the same right as she does in the house, period.<p>Let her huff and puff. The fact is you can not and if she is unreasonable let her ind the solution out, stop being a provider ... you are not only seen as controlling also as the evil one. If she say she can do it, let her do it. Stick in there and no LB'ed. Do not get angry, she is going to provoke you to it. Never raise your voice back and never, never touch her in a way that she could charge you with ... if she say don't touch me, walk away !!!. Just take a break from her if the conversation dwelling on the same subject and you two are only circling around. Get out from the house for a fews hours and go back when she is asleep, get out early in the morning before she wakes up ... stay away for few days.<p>Keep your cool, my prayer for you to be patience and have wisdom.

Take a deep breath. It sounds like she is in withdrawl to me. I know that there are others out here who have actually watched their WS go through withdrawl that might be able to help you more. My WS has not actually made up his mind as to what he wants so he has not experienced withdrawl yet. During this time from what I understand they can be pretty nasty to the BS. Please try not to take it personally even though it hurts. Remember that you are dealing with an alien right now and this is not your loving wife that is snapping at you and being ugly towards you.<p>Hang in there. Still praying for you.

I actually had to leave work because she just would not stop bothering me. Now she's demanding that I borrow 1000 dollars from my father so she can move out.<p>She's at work now thank God. I simply told her that me moving in is not what she thinks and that she should give it some time. Otherwise, she's free to leave if she feels she has to but she won't be taking our son into an unstable environment.<p>I talked a lawyer about costs and my rights. She can do nothing about me moving back in. The cost for an attorney is just too much for my situation right now but if it comes to a head when I move in I will get the money somehow. I alerted my mother in law that things might go badly this week and I might need her to take my son out of it when it does. She says she understands and to do what I need to do.<p>So I am going to move most of my things back into the house tonight. If she becomes at all violent I will have her removed from the house and then seek a restraining order on her until she can pull herself together. She broke the window in our bedroom when we were on the phone today. That's nothing compared to what I've seen her do but this time I won't hide it, she will see what it's like to actually face consequences. She's removing any kind of emotion I have for her, I'm being pushed to the point that I will have nothing to do with her.<p>So keep me in your prayers everyone, thanks for the encouragement and let's all hope that she finds some kind of sense and we can at the least part in dignity, maybe even work to a future. I won't give up hope yet but that's coming.

I think its past talking to her right now bud. Take care of yourself and your son, like I know you are. Keep in touch.

Seeking_Guidance,<p>No violent behavior is tolerated in M. If she does that be ready to call 911 and get police come over. Depending on which state you live, you could file not only RO but also temporary sole child custody (without Dv or legal separation.) W/ her violent behavior you will get your wish as permanent sole custody. It will make her face the consequence of her A.<p>In the face of evil let the Lord be your refuge.

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. I am glad that you have decided to move back home. It will be hard for your son to see his mother throwing her tantrums, but at least he will have you there for him. He needs some stability in his life right now. I hope she wakes up soon and realizes what she is doing to your son and to you. Could there be a problem other than withdrawl? You said she has been violent before? Plan A does not include taking abuse, so please take care of yourself. (I know I don't need to tell you to take care of your son; I can tell he is your primary concern from your other posts.) <p>Please be safe and take care. Still praying!!! I will say an extra one for her. She needs God's hands around her right now.

Just know I am praying for you as well. I think may be right about there being something else going on besides withdrawal. Please be areful and do not let yourself get in harms way, let W do all the dirty work.<p>About all I can offer is to keep a journal of everything W does. Make notes each time she calls, when, how long and a brief summary of what was said. Take notes and pictures of anything she damages while in these rages. You may need this evidence if things get real ugly. Also, you mention that W is from another country. Are you worried about her taking S and fleeing to her home country? Hate to bring this up, but you have to start thinking about all the ugly scenarios. <p>W's behavior has me worried, take care my friend. Keep us up to date on what is going on.

LHS:<p>No I'm not worried about her fleeing to her home country, she's not really equipped to live there. She speaks the language but is as Americanized as you or I. In fact one of the things that is making her more desperate is her fear of being sent back there against her will. After Sept. 11 I encouraged her to go ahead and get her citizenship done but she continues to blame everyone else around for it not happening. Since then the government has been cracking down on immigrants, not that she's illegal mind.<p>I will keep that journal you spoke of. Need to grab myself an instant camera as well. Good suggestions, I should have begun this a long time ago as I would have ample evidence for this situation.<p>I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself if this keeps up. Fancy that, after all that's said and done, I'M worried about HER. But I'm determined to make this move because it's what I need for ME and that's why she's losing it. I will keep you posted and I will continue to pray. Thanks.