W called me 3 times last night and we talked for almost 2 hours, probably more than we have done in the last few months. These calls came out of nowhere, completely unexpected, but I think W was waiting until the RO was finally done with before she called me.<p>The entire subject of the conversations was about us becoming friends again and how W wants to spend more time with me doing the things we used to do. W does not want us to be enemies (didn't know we were) and wants us to have a relationship where we can be comfortable around each other again. It was so strange to hear her say this, especially since she has put her relationship with OM and BF above all else these last 4 mos. <p>The last week or so I had been feeling very angry and bitter towards W for what has happened so I had to make a real effort to prevent any LB's, which I think I did a good job at. I just let W talk and I listened to what she had to say. I noticed a couple of things that W kept repeating that seemed to indicate she was telling me what some of her EN's are and how I might be able to meet them. W even told me about all the things that I did during our 14 yrs together that meant so much to her. I'm telling ya, it was really weird to hear her say these things. In a way its exciting, like maybe we might still have a chance, but then again, I don't want to get too excited about this, I'll just let it go and see what develops.<p>I took out a copy of the EN questionaire and found that what W was telling me was on the top 5 list. I think her EN's right now are: family commitment, domestic support and companionship. I also think that she needs admiration and acceptance from me as well right now (sure wish sexual fulfillment was one of them!), especially since both sides of her family have basically shut her out . With some of her comments, I get the feeling that maybe some of her friends are starting to grow weary of this separation thing as well. I'll take this and use the things she said I did that she liked to fulfill these EN's.<p>The funny thing was that W kept telling me "no promises for the future" and "I don't want to commit to anything right now". Almost seemed like she was telling me that there was a chance of things working out, but she cant commit to that right now, fair enough. I told her that I wasn't going to pressure her into anything, that any commitment to the M was her choice, that she chose to get married, chose to stay married for 13 years and it is her choice to remain married.<p>So here I am having to retool my Plan A approach. I had been distancing myself from her in anticipation of going to Plan B, and now this. I am going to have to kick Plan A back into high gear so that when we are together, she will see the changes in me and will be comfortable being around me again. I guess I need to swallow my pride, stop worrying about my self-respect and give this a chance to possibly develop into something.<p>Cautisiously optimistic- hopefully more to come.

loveherstill,<p>I am glad that there is a bit of ray coming out. IMHO, don't do plan A full blast, just yet. String her a bit again. Yes, you reward her by being a good girl after a few days then pull back again harder than before then wait. This will make her work for it. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Your 180 make her think and choose.

glad to see the 180s working, I am trying...<p>HONEY

Redhat- Actually I was thinking the same thing myself. Not to manipulate her, but as a way to protect myself from any future heartache. Basically take it in steps, spend time with W, see how it goes, evaluate it, and then go from there. Sounds kinda sterile, like some kind of experiment, but seems like this is the better way to go rather than throw myself into it all at once.<p>I know that from talking to W last night there are few things that I have done that have caught her attention. One is my mentioning that I am thinking about attending Parents Without Partners. W thought it was a singles club, kinda got irritated and said something along the lines of "it may be easy for you to go find someone else, but who would want me?" I told her that I can think of 2 men who wanted her, she asked who, I said me and OM. Then she says that OM isnt any good because he cant commit himself to her (duh, maybe because he is already married?) I think she is also upset because I am not giving her any attention right now, she mentioned how come she has to call me all the time, why cant I call her once in a while.<p>So, who knows, I'm glad to see that there may still be a chance, but am going to go real slow and continue what I am doing right now, taking care of myself.

Good for you LHS! You are definitely on track and I agree with you and redhat with the way you are going to handle it. Good luck LHS....keep to your plan and hopefully, it will work out the way you want it to. I am so happy for you!!
BH