Like many of you BS's right now I could just use a hug or a comforting word. <p>Today is a beautiful spring day on the East Coast so I asked my WW if she'd like me to stay home, we could take a walk on the beach, go out to lunch, just spend the day together. Her reply was "It doesn't matter to me-if you want to stay home, stay home". Then she said maybe I'd better go to work because I need to save up my days for vacations, and I can't just stay home and "watch her" all the time. I tried to explain that it wasn't about that but I ended up biting my tongue and came to work. <p>Then I called WW and she asked me if I was mad at her and I told her no, that I'm just sad that I was excited about spending the day w/ her but she couldn't care less. Then I explained that I understand that her feelings for me aren't the same as mine for her. She said that things were "definitely getting better between us". I said something else and she said "huh", and I heard the computer keyboard clacking. I asked if she was listening to me and she laughed, said she was sorry, and said she was listening to Regis tell a joke and missed what I said. So I just said forget it and ended the call.<p>Well, of course I checked and sure enough she was on-line during our phone call and OM was on-line too. How in the world does she maintain such a dual personality? Who has my wife become? <p>Further proof of her fog: I read her bible study notes from the lesson we worked on over the weekend and she wrote that her goal this week was to bring her situation to the Lord in prayer DAILY
(her caps) ask Him for direction, and then LISTEN (again, her caps) to what He says.<p>I just spoke with her again and I got into some relationship talk (I know-I blew it). It was obvious she didn't want to hear it so I caught myself and just told her to have a nice day, and hung up.<p>Now here I sit. Trying to be patient. Wishing for an end to this emotional turmoil, this uncertainty, this pain. I am not jealous. I am not angry. I am just very, very tired. The Lord does give me strength, but I could use it from some of you good people, too.<p>Thank you in advance for your care and your prayer.

[[[[[[[[[[[Hugs]]]]]]]]]]] Boppo!<p>
I know you very much want this to END as quickly as possible. I know one of my friends told me that I seemed to just want my husband to have a revelation and be over it...<p>Boppo... it's just not going to happen in YOUR time...<p>One of the books that helped me early on was Secrets of the Vine . <p>Hugs and prayers and keep the Faith...<p>Cali

Stay strong Boppo,<p> I am sorry you had to deal with that. Hurts like heck to get rejected in that way.<p> (((((((((((((BOPPO))))))))))))<p> Hope ya don't mind a guy hug....lol....just don't get any ideas dude [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p> Find something to smile or even laugh about right now man. Then enjoy the day no matter what.<p> jd

Be patient, you know as well as I do that God does not want your wife w/ the OM. If she truly listens to what he is saying to her, the A will end.<p>Just remember that it will not come in your time. God works in his own time. Boy, am I having trouble with that one.<p>Hang in there. You will be OK, we will all somehow, find the strength to survive this.

Sorry Boppo, I feel the frustration and hurt in my own heart too from what you wrote because I know exactally what you mean. Only the people we love the most and know us the best can cause so much pain or so deep a hurt.<p> Sounds to me like she already set up a time to talk to the OM which is why she said no to you. or perhaps she has a set time to talk. Supposedly the double personality like you said wears on her also, though it has a seeming worse consequence on us BS' overtime perhaps she will have to come to terms with it all. You being as good as you can be for yourself, and what you know is best for her, will hopefully help her see reason. She has SOME feelings for you even if they ARE NOT love I cant imagine any friend or better yet, any HUMAN can knowingly can continue to cause that much pain to someone who shows unrelenting goodness... then again I've seen a few BS and MC's described it as their WS was taken over by an alien. <p>Regarding religion: WHY in the world does it seem many WS' turn to GOD to justify their ADULTRY. it makes absolutely NO sense. My wife said the same thing... She was asking God to give her a sign or help her choose. THEN she proceeded to say that God was giving her signs because she kept dreaming about the OM or other crap. It makes me so MAD! but then again I also take it as a sign they have absolutely no hold on reality.
You can do it my friend hang in there.

BOPPO,<p>Stay strong. I am in the EXACT same position as you. I found out that WW is still talking to OM. Makes plan A even harder because it seems to make the future even bleaker. As hard as it is, keep working. I believe that at some point the WS will realize that what they will sacrafice to maintain their affair is not worth loosing. <p>KAP

Boppo-<p>Its tough, I know exactly what you are going through. Here you want to spend some quality time with W and all she can give you is 'whatever'. So, what you gonna do about it? Don't get discouraged by W's actions (easy to say, hard to do) but you will come to a point where you have to distance yourself from W and the A for your own sanity. <p>I know how much you want to hang on to the M and the chances of recovery. All is not lost yet, not by a long shot. I did the same things you are doing but finally came to a point where I just had to let W go and focus on myself and my kids rather than on W and what she was doing. You know darn well that she is still talking to OM, but there is nothing you can do about it, and that is a hard pill to swallow, I know, I have gone through it myself.<p>What are your plans for yourself? What kinds of things do you do that do not include W? Personally, I like to take walks, I find them very peaceful and relaxing. My favorite place to go is a hobby store that specializes in trains, man, I can spend hours in there, and probably have! You know, there is a fine line between a hobby and mental illness.<p>Maybe you are trying to hard to work on the M, I think that is something most BS's are guilty of. WHO always tells me to take a break from the M, it will be there when you get back. And you know what, he is right. Try taking a few days off from everything and plan some stuff for you. That's what Plan A is about as well.<p>Have you checked out Joyce Meyers website? She has some great sermons on things like patience and waiting for Gods plan. And remember, God is not the god of temptation, that distinction lies with someone else.

{{{{BOPPO}}}}} There's another hug. This is probably not what you want to hear, but unfortunately, this roller coaster ride is one of the LONGEST you'll ever be on. Ask God first and foremost for PATIENCE. I did not have much of that, and yet I managed to stick things out for almost a year. Unfortunately for me, my H is not a Christian, so didn't ask God for advice. For now, he's chosen OW. I do know, however, that if God wants my marriage, then it will happen in HIS time (as everyone else has told you). Practice loving as Christ loved you. Easier said than done, I know, but I have found a certain peace during Plan A in knowing that I'm behaving as God wants; not as the world tells us we should. Do not repay evil for evil. Love unconditionally whenever you can. Your W will see it (she may not always/ever acknowledge it, but she'll see it). Hold strong to your faith and use it to your best advantage. Ask God what sin you have in your life that he's trying to help you to see. Ask him to remove it from you. Ask him to turn your W's heart, then get out of his way!!<p>One of my favorite scriptures goes something like this: If God is for you, WHO can be against you?<p>Hold tight to that. God is for you and your marriage.<p>I'm praying for you to have patience, strength and peace in the coming weeks and months....<p>PEACE,<p>MOM<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: Myownme ]<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: Myownme ]</p>

Thanks to all of you for encouraging words. Right now I have only one friend outside this forum who knows my situation and his steady advice is just not to put God in a box, asking for a specific type of solution or a set timeframe. So I keep praying just that God would turn my WW's heart back to her first love, Christ. And that I will have the patience to wait for God's timing, not mine.<p>As you all know, easier said than done. I'll keep you posted.