posted January 29, 2002 01:45 PM
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I want a husband to honors me, trusts me, treats me with respect. I want a husband whom participates in his family and the household chores and activities. I want a husband whom allows me to have alife outside my family and my husband. I want a husband who can take care of himself and his family when needed. I want a husband who doesnt depend on me soley to take care of his needs and the childrens. I want a husband who isnt insecure and uptight about activities that i participate in . i want a husband whom supports me in what ever i decide to do (safely) Basically, i want a HELPMATE, PARTNER, NOT A PARENT.
am i out of line here?<p>" you can lead a heart to love, but u cant make it fall" ~~~~ george strait.<p>Mercy
WS

And I want a wife, who after I try to do all those things for her, she doesnt have an affair.<p>I hope we both get those wishes.

becareful of what u wish for....u just may get it!<p>on the other hand...if my husband had been even half of that...i may NOT have reached out to someone else.

mercy---<p>No you aren't out of line...<p>In fact, you are right on track.<p>What I can't fgure out is that I was all those things and more to my W and she still had an A and now remains separated to figure out what she wants.... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>What is wrong with that picture?<p>E

Mercy, you want what I've got. :-)<p>But I'm busy trying to prove it to a WW, since I failed at it for most of 22 1/2 years.

I hope I do. <p>Can I ask however do you feel justified in having an affair, because of neglect? It sort of sounds like it. Whatever your husband may have done or not done I suppose, it does not justify an affair. You can't blame yor husband for pushign you into the arms for another man. he is to blame for pushing you away, but you are the one who reached for someone else.<p>Noone is guilt free there is sounds like. same as in my mess.<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

hangin in there...<p>no my friend i do not feel justified. so i seem justified? for what reasons? I wish i had never had that affair. it only made a bad marriage worse. it isnt justifiable but it is with honesty that i tell u, i lived for yrs being lonely.sitting right next to my husband. I never did it on purpose. although ending results turned into purposeful hurt(if that makes sense) it did get to where i didnt care if he hurt or not...cause i felt then....that he deserved it and more. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] NO ONE DESERVES THAT KIND OF PAIN.<p>There is never any reason what so ever to have an affair. NONE. however there does come an understanding as to why it happened. Sometimes there are just people out there who do not appreciate what they have. Some people always want more ! i only wanted a husband who is liek i said above.and i dont feel thta that is out of line.<p>Mercy
WS

No, you are not out of line. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Those things are reasonable things to want in a husband. I want them too. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Was he all those things when you married him?<p>My H has all kinds of complaints about me, and therefore the "reasons" for his A, but I don't think I changed over the years since he CHOSE to marry me for who I was. And never told me what he was missing, much less give me a chance to try to change myself before his A.

Mercy... fair enough sorry if I seemed spiteful in anyway. You don't ask too much in the least I think that is the least a wife can ask of a husband. However here's my million dollar question, will you/ would you, give your husband the chance to prove he can be all of those things again or for the first time? Sorry I don't remember reading your other posts, which might talk about it.

hangin,<p>to be honest with you, i am at the point that he has either GOT to change....or i GOT to leave. i cant take it anymore. IM the WS and all the "rules" here....say to PLAN A ...ME??? and yet it hasnt happened. I have come around on my own with no help from him.<p>i am in therapy right now and so is he. All the therapy has done is make me see just where im at in my relatinship. I have a ton of resentment and anger towards him. I honestly feel like i love him with everything but my heart. or i want to anyway. In my minds eyes i see thigns as over but yet....im willing to give him the chance to do these things. to make along story short and to clear up a few things....my H was abusive. period. emotionally, mentally, sexually. Period.<p>but in the end i have to be ablet o ssay...i gave my all.<p>
faith,
when my H and i married... he was 21 and i was 19. he has NEVER been any of those things i listed. and ofcourse at 19 what did i know about being married and what my wants were? We put the cart before the horse and have suffered consequences since. Did i give my H time to change? not really. he got saved 2 weeks before i had my affair. i had given up. I no longer cared if he changed or not. in all honesty...i tried to leave him many times and many times he came after me and i went back. I had my affair to END my marriage. i wanted out and in my mind, since he wouldnt leave me alone when i did leave perhaps if i betrayed him in teh most ultimate way, he would leave me and it would be over. NO such thing happened. was that selfish? u betcha. was it stupid? u bet. can i change that? no. but i am tired of being super mom, super wife without my needs being met. want to know how dangerous it is?? none of my needs arebeing met. NONE. Wores than before, except now i have so many responsibilites. but am i on my way out to have an affair?? NOT. am i givbing him the "chance" to change? sure why not. ive been here for 14 yrs what is another 6 months if he changes?<p>Mercy<p>ws