When I sit back and think how happy my wife (WS) did make me in my life and now what she is doing. I am so unhappy and never have been so hurt by another person before. I guess that is what love can do to you when you open up to someone so much. You take that risk and sometimes that risk turns into pain for reasons we never want to know or experience.
I believe I am starting to slip on how I feel towards our marriage. I am beginning to ask myself why I put up with what she puts me through day in and day out. Three months of just being hurt over and over is just taking it's toll on me. Emotionally and physically I feel drained. This "fog" that she is in where she doesn't acknowledge me or really talk to me just makes every day harder. It is like I don't exist in her world. Just about every few days or so I hear something new from her that just makes me sick from what I hear. The other day she told me it bothers for me to see her naked and it bothers her to see me naked. What is that crap after almost nine years?
I want someone to appreciate me for who I am. Someone to care for me and to love me like I do them. Basically to treat me with RESPECT. I don't want to feel like someone is just stabing me with small needles everyday. I want to be happy again.
I feel as if I am beginning to slip and that I don't want to see my wife. I feel this way because she has created a lot of pain inside of me and she has choosen not to do anything to make it any better. In real life if someone other then our spouse does something day in and day out that we don't like. Well we choose not to see that person any more. I am beginning to feel that way with my wife. Is that normal????

I feel exactly the same way. It is good that you are here and are willing to work on how you feel. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to try to save something that may not be worth saving. But I know in my heart I have to do everything I possibly can. My husband has been the one to have the affairs, and I thought I was coping okay. But lately with other events in our life, he has become dishonest and introspective, and will not discuss anything. He tries to make all of the problems "my fault" and if it means that our marriage will make it I am almost willing to accept that. I am on MB to try to find some answers and I hope that you are able to as well. Good luck to you.

Unfortunately, I have no answers either, just identifying with where you are. Sometimes I will just be taking a shower or something else mundane, and it will hit me: Every single man on this earth has been nicer to me than my H! I could just go out and randomly pick any man walking down the street, and it would be hard to imagine him treating me worse than my H has, especially if he was getting everything from me that my H is. What a sad realization. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Just identifying, too. I can't tell you how many times it has occurred to me that even my very worst highschool boyfriend, every aquaintance, every stranger I've ever encountered has been better to me than the husband I gave my all to. He is one of the very few people in my life that I have allowed to know me, let my guard down for. Don't see that happening again...

I am with all of you, sometimes... more and more.. I start to feel, why bother? He treats me like crap, so why do I care... see they do drive you away.. they just start treating you so terribly bad, that they push you away... and away... and away.<p>I loved my Husband so much, it was incredible. WE were so happy, but now I realize... a lot of the problems over the years.. were his unwillingness to be an adult marriage partner... just like having an a... his unwillingness to be adult, responsilbe and committed, and good to our marriage... <p>Guess what, irresponsible people Blame others for their problems.. I used to do this too... not now! I am sooo tired of being the reason for everything wrong in the marriage.,.. yes, I made mistakes... but I have loved this man, and he is just treating me awful, and no I do not deserve it and at this point, and I am just not too sure I even want him... it is sad that they can do this to us, their beloved spouse...<p>I am growing tired, if immewdiately, he was remorseful.. I think it would be so much easier,, but the blame of me.. when he cheated, the blame of me... me me.. for everything, yes, I messed up, and I do not want to play the blame game.. but I want and am willing to work for and I am committed to the marriage, but he is making me not be.<p>I do deserve better, and I am tired of this.<p>Hugs, HONEY

Almost broken, I feel the exact same way. I have always thought of marriage as a life long commitment, and that is hard to change. I agree with you that if I can't fix the problems in my marriage, what chance is there of trying to ever have a real relationship with anyone else? Good luck to you getting yourself back. That is what I am working on too. <p>Honey, thank you for the quote. I needed that. I am beginning to lose myself in trying to get through this and I realized that I can like me for me. Thanks.