Okay....my H is having second thoughts....he isliving with other woman....he is depressed...sometimes he even has suicidal thoughts (i think he says this so I know how depressed he really is..if that makes sense...i don't think he would ever do anthing)Tonight he cried...and cried ...he is having doubts. He has never admitted that before. Problem #1...he got the OW a job in his very small office...she transferred here...#2...I know he still has deep feelings for her and he says things are good. <p>Things can't be good if he is so depressed. He is a very family kind of guy...we had a great family. Being with her and her 7 yr old is a lot different than being with a 14 and 17 yr old. We have so much fun together. Anyway...I know he still loves me....I told him that we need counseling. We can't NOT try after 22 yrs. I explained that our 22 yrs are more important than less than 6 months. I can go on.....he cried and agreed about so many things. I just don't know what to do now. I am afraid that I setmyself up to get hurt. I told him that I still love him and that we can work out anything....(i don't know how to handle the office thing though)...Suggestions??? I know that once he left...and went back home to her...well..he will be back to "abnormal" tomorrow....we hugged before we left....I know that I have once agian set myself up to be hurt. I told him he needed todo the RIGHT thing. I told him about the "laundry list" letter that I was going to give him when we get a divorce..a LL of great things in our 22 yr history...which by the way...what do I do? I am not going to do this divorce if he is doubting things. I need to get him into counseling. Any ideas???? I am confused....and scared about being hurt....but I love him and want this to work....or at least TRY to make it work. HELP!!! I feel so wired tonight! I hope I can sleep a little .
Any ideas??? I don't know what my next move should be...
MAx

I convinced my H to try counseling for 90 days, sd we should consider our marriage for at least that much time and that means, 12 sessions... we are not there yet,.. and we have been seperated 4 months now... he wanted the d at first, now he is confused, back and forth, back and forth, he really hurts me when he keeps saying he is not sure we can work things out. I know how you feel.. try to get him to at least explore how things will be if you seperate... and what you can do to make things better.... and how you could fix the marriage. and explore the realites of a broken home...<p>Hugs, honey

We have been seperated for 6 months and he is licing with OW. I think that is why he is so confused now. Reality is hitting. He is in a "hime" without his kids. He misses our conversations....I know he missed me. I wish I could figure out how to handle this situation. I know that today he will be with her....last night will not matter and I just made him feel better.
I am so tired of this hurt. He is making the biggest mistake of his life. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Feeling So Alone:
<strong>We have been seperated for 6 months and he is licing with OW. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi, Feeling So Alone,
I know how this feels. My H has been living w/ow for 8 months now. Your H's crying and depression is a good thing! You must not let him know you think that, though!<p>You haven't posted here much. Have you read all the concepts? Do you have any of the Harley materials? I think it's extremely important right now for you to concentrate on fixing YOU. Feel good about yourself, and your part in the breakdown of your M. What EN's weren't you meeting? Can you meet any of them now.<p>It won't do any good right now to have any more of these kinds of "talks" with him. He's not "hearing" you. Please just take this time to work on YOU, and let his time w/her begin to wear itself out. In the meantime, learn all you cna here to make yourself a better person, and learn about Plan A and what will effect the future of your M.<p>God Bless,

OK, I am going to give you the advise that others gave me 10 1/2 months ago. BUT PLEASE, do not make the same mistake that I made and not listen. DO NOT tell him things like "you need to do the right thing" or anything like that. I realize that you have done the research and you have read books and you know how to fix things that were/are wrong within the marriage and you want him to see the same things. I tried everyway I could think of to "teach" my WH what needed to be done to save the marriage and make it a better one. But everytime I did this, even when I thought I was getting through to him, I ended up pusing him further away. <p>Take a step back. Work on the things that you need to work on to be a better person. Do things for yourself. Determine what his ENs are and try to meet as many of those needs as you can. And do not LB. Included as a LB is trying to educate the WS. It can be perceived as disrespectful of them. Do not talk about the marriage, the OP, anything that makes you WS feel uncomfortable. Let them see the changes in you, do not tell them about those changes. It make take some time, but they will notice. You are the only one you can fix. Stop trying to fix the WS. They need to get to a place that they want to make changes in themselves. <p>I hope this helps.

So much for the fog lifting......it was as thick as ever and it ws just hanging over his BRAND NEW house that I wen t take a look at last night. It's huge....and beautiful and I have saw the big jerk in the window....that was a little weird. We looked at new houses one yr ago. We have a nice house....it is 16 yrs. old and needs some work. It must be nice to have everything new....I am so angry with him . This is HER house......she qualified to buy it without him.......he is such a jerk.
I sat with him the other night and listened tohim cry....and I have been so nice to him....well...that was a big waste...he is still moving on without me and doesn't care .....this new house .....well....we all would have loved to live in a house like that. My kids will die when they see this......now it really looks like were kicked tothe curb.