My husband is a serial cheater (4 times that I know of) and every time, I forgive him. We separated once over it and I pursued him mercilessly and he came back. Things were rough, but smoothed out and we were doing pretty good. Then I got pregnant, gained back all the weight I had lost, and when the baby was born, started concentrating on her and ignored his needs. <p>He is cheating again and I have thrown him out. I believe he has moved in with the OW. We have not really talked since D-day, and then it was mostly to hurl insults. I don't think he wants to talk to me because he thinks he's heard it all before.<p>I'm so unsure what I want. One minute I think about how he's destroyed this family with his behavior and never want to see him again. The next, I'm plotting how I can get him back! <p>We've never tried anything structured, like the MB plan and while in the past we have managed to patch the relationship, we always slide back into our old habits (his reasons for cheating and leaving are exactly the same as those 5 years ago). <p>Should I try to approach him with these concepts, which I found to be so simple and yet so profound? I know what his attitude will be -- we've tried before and here we are again! I know perhaps I'd be better off without him, but if it was possible to make things work I do believe that would be the best thing. Is there any hope?

Hi- Have you been in counseling for yourself? It might help you clarify and figure out what would be best for you to do. I assume your H refuses to go? Would he participate in phone counseling with the Harleys? I havent used them but hear they are very good.I would recommend that you not agree to let him move back home without counseling first. What about his reading the Harley books? Without his understanding what creates a 2- way satisfying marriage he is likely to keep trying to escape. I also want to recommend a book to you called- Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. It is paperback and not too expensive. The writer goes over how to evaluate a relationship to help you decide if you should stay in it or not. I know how hard it is to be objective when your feelings and your children are involved. Take care- lifeismessy

Neither of us has been in counseling. I'm considering doing it and need to work up the nerve to call about the employee assistance program here at work. I find it hard to ask for help, and so this is a very difficult step for me.
(It's a alot easier on these boards where you are effectively annonymous)<p>As things stand right now, my husband has no interest whatsoever in even attempting to reconcile. Been there, done that! I don't know if he would even listen to me if I explained MB and how it might work for us because I fear he's totally closed off from me. But I also realize now after reading some of the Harley's stuff, that he is in "the fog" and until that clears I have little hope of reaching him. I'm just wondering, should I at least show him the book (I've ordered Surviving An Affair), and try to get him to look at the website and the concepts and see if maybe they grab him by the throat like they did with me? Or if that would be pushing? <p>Thanks for the book suggestion!