Okay I am having a very bad image day. This is fueled by the fact that I'm growing more and more certain that she's seeing the OM still. Last night after we did the whole Pros/Cons things (which crushed me of course) I went home and she messaged me that I never noticed that she came home early. She was home on time, like she would have been any other night. She had told me she was going to be an hour late, as if she was going to stop by and see the OM, just like she had been doing before. Maybe she thought better of it and came home, maybe she really did need to stay late (yeah right). <p>I found her "sex kit" in the closet and I would swear it wasn't there earlier this week. Aside from the condoms, lubricant, cologne, dice with different positions and locations I found a PREGNANCY test. She leaves these things out almost as if she wants me to find them. I can't work today, I'm doing nothing but going over this in my mind, imagining things they did. I'm almost frantic with the need to confirm my fears and the idea of calling him to find out when they last saw each other is growing to the point that I don't know if I can keep from doing it.<p>I'm losing my mind here, I want this to be over. I just want her to leave and sort her life out. I want to feel whole again. I don't want my son to go through any more of this. I don't want to self destruct and give in to my anger and hurt. I wish I had someone here to help me through this. I am in one minute at a time mode now, each minute I make it without doing something stupid is a victory for me. How do you all make it through these times of panic?

Well, sad to say, but one technique to "get you through" the short term, might be to simply think about something like revenge.... by NOT giving into her and acting mean and angry, you don't let her "win". SHE WANTS YOU TO REACT WITH ANGER! So by not doing that, YOU win.<p>Now, I don't recommend you keep this attitude indefinitely. But it might get you through a little while, anyway.<p>I'm serious: the WS wants to make YOU make the decision to end things, so they can feel less guilt. This is something my WW admitted in a moment of unusual candor.

Panic attacks are no fun and they seem very overwhelming at the time. But you will get through this one and any others that may come along. I know how hard it is, but try to think about something else. Think up something fun for you and your son to do together this weekend.<p>Do you have someone that you can talk to until you feel better?<p>Hang in there. I will say a special prayer for you right now.

SF:<p>Unfortunately no I don't. I'm at work and can't really talk to anyone and this situation is too embarassing to share with most.<p>I'm going to get through it but I have the overwhelming need to confront either her or him and I'm fighting down that urge. Thanks for the prayer, I will pray for the wisdom I know I don't have right now.

I am going to give you my e-mail address. If you want to talk send an e-mail there.<p>sinkingfast_mb@hotmail.com