Well, it has been emotional.<p>My H was to have the kids last weekend....but three out of the 4 didn't want to go be with him. My two oldest told him that they wouldn't be going--they called him.<p>My 10 year old daughter cried all day because she didn't want to go either. I made the 10 year old and my 8 year old son go. My son did want to go. My H. was supposed to bring Kyle to his cub scout meeting--but he didn't because it interferred with his plans.<p>On Saturday, he had to bring my 10 year old back to her basketball game. He did that and at the end of the game she came up to me and hugged me and said that she wanted to come home. I told her that dad had lots of fun things planned for them to do. She said yea...but I want to come home. H. ended up talking to her and then raced out of the community center--very angry. He didn't speak to me. He is now telling his lawyers that I coersed her into coming home with me.<p>My oldest two were supposed to visit him on Sunday--but my 16 year old didn't want to go, and my 18 year old didn't manage to get there until 4. So, he yelled at her and she ended up crying all the way home from KC. Of course all of this is my fault. She said that day "I don't understand, I am the only one of the kids besides Kyle that made an effort to go see him...and he treated me like that...I will never go visit with him again." I know that is not true--she won't stay mad at him...this is the type of crap he has pulled for years. <p>He wrote a huge excuse and tried to make me look like the bad guy again with the kids attorney--he forwarded a copy to me today. I am heartbroken. I talked to my brother last night about a number of issues and he told me not to waste my time on thoughts about him. He told me he has always been an a** and I should really realize it now. Why does it still hurt then? <p>It is interesting because my H now refers to me as "Pat"--which I call myself professionally---but my close friends and he always called me "Patty". It is so weird. <p>I don't understand how he has divorced himself from me so far. How can he do that without feeling any guilt or remorse? Everything I do, he finds fault with and attacks me.<p>Yesterday, my oldest daughter got in an accident with his Bronco. She hit ice and flew into a ditch. She is ok--but the Bronco is a mess. This is the kids' third accident in a month. I was really ready to lose it last night.<p>My H wrote me yesterday that my gravy train is over--he is being furloughed as of March 1. Now, he is writing that I will get half of his retirement and he will send $300 to make the $1600 that he owes me for child support. In actuality, he is supposed to give me half of his retirement and $1600 for child support. I won't be able to stay in this house without the money.<p>I have an appt with my dragon lawyer on Monday. I am thinking about getting a second opinion from another lawyer from KC before then. I don't think my lawyer is doing a good job representing me. He didn't realize until Jan 5 that my H hadn't even turned in his interrogatories (my had to be in in Sept). I don't think he supports women, and he has been down right abusive to me. A lot of the stuff he has said has been very unprofessional. I hesitated to do this because he was recommended to me, but I don't trust him. <p>I am trying to stay calm...but my life has been turned upside down. Emotionally, I just feel devastated. We had an "ice day" today...I am glad because I feel like this huge puddle--and I can't manage to do anything so far.<p>I am trying to get the house ready in case I have to sell it, I am trying to parent the kids, and do all their activities, I am working on college applications and financial aid for my daughter, and I am trying to deal with my sh**ty H. Is there ever a break? I need someone to hold me and tell me it will workout. I feel so alone.

Hugs MnM...<p>1st off... I've NEVER liked what you have written about your lawyer and am cheering you on for that second opinion... You need someone that you feel supported by...<p>2nd... take care of yourself... I know it is hard... but YOU have to be good to yourself so that you can maintain your sanity and be strong...<p>Good Luck,
Cali

(((((MinM))))))<p> Not much help here, I'm afraid. I'm going through a lot of depressing stuff myself, H in rehab, finances a huge mess, kids having a hard time, me depressed. I can tell you that I will say a prayer for you for you to get help being strong. Sometimes all you can do is endure. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Call a close friend, don't be alone with all you're trying to deal with. Hugs, firefly

MnM,<p>Man oh man, how in the world are you doing it, you're one very strong person.<p>I plan on posting more in a bit (@ lunch), but I wanted to say something so you know we're out here, Hon.<p>Love,
Jo

I am ending a part time stint with a lawyer, and almost had him file for me... and glad I did not... not quite ready to file, and he talked me into it one day... also... he is disorganized... some lawyers just want dollars, not saying he was like this,... but some do not work all that hard for YOU. Find someone you LIKE, you are paying, find someone supportive of you... go ahead and ask for a refund of any retainer fees and collect that file, and move on. Interview potential attornies... even ck with local women's suppport centers for help... here in HOuston, there are several free (pro bono) services that do free work, but you have to WAIT in line, and will not get what you would with bigger firm or paid attorney.. so you may need to do that

Misery,<p>I can't write much. I have to go to a meeting, but wanted to tell you that before you start with a lawyer, make sure you like him or her. If not, find another. This is key!!! I have a lawyer that does not take any crap. I like that.<p>Dino

Thanks everyone,<p>I don't feel very strong right now, just tired of this whole mess.<p>I was going to get the name of the KC lawyer today, but we didn't have school and the lady I was going to get it from was supposed to consult at our school today.<p>I just feel that I can't be emotional beat up anymore from this attorney. He has been awful, and it may be a mistake--but I just can't do it anymore. I hope he doesn't try to keep all my stuff--the letters, the pictures, the interrogatories...etc. They should be mine--but who knows. I have paid him $3000 so far, and he really hasn't done anything. I am discouraged with our legal system. I don't want to rake my husband over the coals...but there are some real issues in this case--and I am tired of feeling like I have to continually defend myself. I haven't ever betrayed this marriage, I have never harmed my children, I have parented my children for 18 years(mostly by myself), I supported and loved him through a successful military career and I have worked not only for his squadrons, but also teaching. <p>My H has issues with women, drinking, a violent temper, lying, and doesn't know how to manage finances well. None of that seems to matter tho. My lawyer now said it is because "of you women libbers". Whatever...I just want someone that will be there for me, fight for my family and be professional and kind. Do lawyers like that exist. This is my first time using a lawyer--almost makes me want to go to law school and set up practice. I could never treat my clients like he has treated me. I sure didn't need this right now. <p>Anyway, thank you all for the love and support. I really appreciate your responses...only people going through this would know how devastating this mess is. Thank You!!!!!

HI, I have been to law school , only for a yr... and want to finish eventually, and from knowing a bunch of lwyers, can tell you it is like choosing a hairstylist... find one that works for you! Do not let them intimidate you... all they did was study, and yes, they will take whatever they can get out of you, and a bunch of time the paralegal or secretary is doing the work... they need to really care... if they are to "fight", otherwise... they will just go trhough the motions... and if tired, bored, or burned out, or out for your money, or they just don't care... they are not the one for you- especially in this case.. there are people who specialize in family law... you may know this, look for that... and also ask for referemces and interview them... like you would if you were looking for a doctor for extreme heart surgery on a 2 yr... old... find someone who wants your business and cares about working for you, you are the paying customer.<p>ps, you can go to the state boards, if you feel you have been taken advantage of, and boy can they get in trouble... so make sure you were adequetly and fairly charged- if he charrged you to excess, you may be able to get some money back.<p>Hugs to you. <p>Hugs, HONEY

Hi MnM,<p>Here I am, a day late .. sorry, work is crazy here.<p>Good Lord, MnM, get yourself a new attorney. His comment alone of "because of you women libbers" is ALL telling. If he can't get on board with what YOU want, then ditch him. I know you'll lose $3K, but in the long haul you could lose a lot more if he mis-represents you in court and doesn't get what you need financially. Maybe try legal aid, Hon. Anyting but this SO-CALLED LAWYER.<p>All that you have on your plate must seem so overwhelming at times. But keep reminding yourself that it's a temporary bad time in our life and it will eventually end. You will find peace, hoepfully sooner than later. Say to yourself over and over "This too shall pass". <p>I wish I could offer more advice, I just feel you're enduring so much, I worry. <p>I am still praying for you and the kids. As for your H, I hope all his hair falls out. Hee hee ...<p>Love,
Jo

MnM,<p>Pat, I am using the forum to teach two of my kids about forums on the computer today, hope you are having a good day, we don't have school tomorrow, but have conferences tonight. <p>See you later,<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hugs to you (((((((MnM))))))
So sorry you are dealing with all this, I know how you feel I am going through the same Sh!$. I know it sucks and you feel alone but your not.<p>
We have to have faith that everything will work.. out. You have posted to me many times and helped me out, I am not sure what to say, just that I am thinking about you and praying for you and your family, and know that I am in the same boat.<p>
Love sally

Thanks everyone,<p>We have been in the middle of an ice storm. We haven't had school since Tuesday--and none tomorrow either. <p>This is the first time I have been able to get on the computer--the lines must be down. The lights are still flickering--so may lose our electricity too.<p>I have not done anything about the lawyer or the cars or applications or anything. I have been hibernating [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Honestly, I really think I needed an emotional break. I have been washing clothes and cleaning. Felt good tho!<p>My H sent some caustic emails about last weekend--tried to insinuate that I influenced my 10 year old and wrecked his weekend. Also tried to imply to the kids lawyer that I didn't know where the older girls were---he loves to twist everything to make him look like a victim. Yuck!!<p>Tomorrow, I will try to contact the lawyer in KC. I am also going to try and get a copy of H's interrogatories. Would love to see them before I have to see dragon lawyer on Monday. <p>Well, I have to run and get dinner. I am relaxing and trying not to think about anything for another 12 hours or so. It feels good. Take care everyone.<p>Honey and Resilient.
Thanks for the advice...I really am going to look for someone new. This guy is just such a jerk--I don't think it is worth trying to work with him any longer. I wish I had walked out the first time I had met this guy. He has shocked me from day one. Everyone said to stay with him tho-because he wins in the end...I just don't know...he is so awful. Have to run

MnM,<p>Sorry this is going so bad for you, try the women's shelter there in WBG they may have some lawyers that they can refer you to, MO is funny about some of their laws, that you might want to stay in Johnson county.<p>Also try the legal office on base they will have some referrals for you, try to talk to S. Beem at the Family support center, she went through what you are going thru a few years ago and see who she used.<p>WBG is just so small, I am sure that that is not helping matters much as lawyers are concerned.<p>
Even tho you don't feel very strong, you have been a great deal of strength and kept everything together for your kids, and that is so important and they probably won't say thank you for years, but know that some day they will thank you for your strength and for behaving in the way that you have.<p>Blessings to you!!
Dawn

Thanks Daybreak,<p>The weather has still been pretty bad here--schools were out again today (and also tomorrow)--lots of downed power lines and tree limbs.<p>I haven't been able to call this lawyer in KC yet. I really want a second opinion to make sure that the attorney I do have is doing what he is supposed to be doing. He is awful--but if everything is ok, we are getting so close to the end, it would probably be dumb to switch. I should never have gone with him. He is a cranky old man.<p>It has been really relaxing having a few days off with the kids. It is pleasant surprise--and I was definitely ready for a break.<p>How are you and the kids doing? Any new developments?<p>It is so much more relaxing around here without contact from my H. Everyone gets tense when he tries to become involved with us again. <p>Well, I am heading to bed. Hope you are doing ok. Pat

Me too, bed that is!!<p>No new developements. H said he has retained a lawyer her in RC. <p>Still laugh when I think that we choose the same lawyer of all the ones here in Rapid.<p>Did send H an e mail explaining why this is so hard, e mailed me back says he understands. Yeah right!!!<p>My y oungest is going with my parents for the weekend to visit relatives.<p>I have my sofa in parts laying all over my livingroom and so will try to finish that tomorrow.<p>Saturday I have to work at a wrestling tournament all day. Then 16 yo and I are going out to dinner and to see "I am Sam". Sam seems to be about the type of kids that I work with.<p>Was asked if I might be interested in my mom's job as she is retiring, she is the ISS aide. Said that I will think about it!!<p>You must have had quite a bit of ice and snow. I remember it doing that once when we lived there. No snow days for us here yet. I always like those days, kind of like a freebie!!! I just don't get paid for them, ugh!!!<p>Good night, hope that you sleep well and sleep in in the morning!!!!<p>Dawn

MnM,
dear friend, you always were so strong so I think you'll get out of this very soon.<p>Please immediately find a new lawyer . It's not so important if she/he is sympathic or nice or cheap but how he cares about you.
Unfortunately I had a very sympathic, nice, understanding att, who was not so expensive, involved also in REIKI (a sort of oriental selfhelping method)....and I finishe with an agreement wrote in stone (court) which is very hard if not impossible to annulate. And all of the company, house, cars, property.....became his and I've got only a little flat and an old car (the prtoperty was approx 500.000$). According our laws I had to get 1/2 of all but she made me believe that the company did not belong to marrital property-A BIG LIE.<p>I found out recently that she went to high school with ex and that she played OW role in an marriage which she divorced and married that MM , has a son with him.
NOW it's clear from whom I wanted protection of my rights.
Please be careful. Comnsult at least two more lawyers.<p>BTW did you get my e-mail?<p>+ I'd be delighted to have kids like yours. My YD still claims to live with them from Sept when "baby grows a little" and my OD still thinks she is in hotel on full pansion.<p>wish you all the best

MnM,<p>glad to see you are enjoying your downtime.<p>call another lawyer.<p>also I hope you are documenting (?) all your WH's dealings with kids, where he blames you. Keep a log about who goes & when, what activities children have, what they miss that he didn't get them too. When OD's don't go to visit him & why. Or have your OD's keep a log of when they visit their dad & why or why not. Keep a log of how many times he comes to their events when he does not have the kids.<p>Do your children journal? Might help YD with her feelings about not wanting to go to dad's. You don't really need to hear that she doesn't want to go(but don't we love hearing our children want to stay with mom, think mine only do because their live is here) but she needs to express the feelings.<p>I feel like I give you great ideas but you should see how we live. do what I say not what I do. I did set up the email account for YS & he and his dad have exchanged emails.<p>Hoping your wkend goes well & your D's have no more wrecks. The only advantage of no money, I can't afford to pay the insurance for my OS to drive. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .

Dear Sing, Betrayed and desparate, and Dawn,<p>Just got out of the shower--slept in until 9:30!! I am getting spoiled.<p>The sun is shining and the ice is finally starting to melt. There sure has been a lot of damage to the trees and power lines. Luckily, we have power--most of our town doesn't.<p>Because of no school, still haven't been able to locate the name or number of the other attorney outside of our town. Will focus on that on Monday. <p>We are in the process of getting our houses appraised and will try to pay off some bills. Everything is kind of in limbo here.<p>From reading your posts, it is scary to know if a lawyer is really representing you....I am new to the legal system--so really don't know what to expect. I am not impressed so far!!<p>Dawn, wow, don't know if I could do an ISS postion all the time. Maybe, it would be ok tho.What are you doing with the couch? I really need to recover one of mine--would love to know how.<p>Betrayed and Desparate,
I am so sorry that happened to you. I am trying hard to see that doesn't happen with me. The court appointed lawyer for the kids has been having an affair with the other big married lawyer in town--so how can she be fair? She is really an airhead. Amazing.<p>Sing,
You have given so much great advice. I wish I was as together with the childcare issues that you are. Haven't quite gotten to the point where I can easily suggest calling their father--guess I am still pretty angry about this whole situation--and want him to feel what it is like losing his kids. The kids do have access to him if they want to--but I don't encourage it and they don't call or write him. For the most part, they don't even think about him when he doesn't have visitation.<p>It was interesting the other day--when he was at the basketball game--he didn't stay to listen to the coach, get the new schedule or find out when practices are. Now, I guess he can still say he is uninformed. He said in the email to the lawyer that next month, he would be able to visit the schools more often and go to the kids games--because he is being furloughed. It will be interesting to see if he really does.I think when the divorce is finally done--perhaps then I will be more accomodating with the kids. This really is a process you go through isn't it?<p>Also, I have started keeping a journal of everything that happens everyday, including if he contacts the kids, what was discussed, emails,etc. I started doing this because he twists so much of what is said and done. Wish I had started doing this in April.<p>[ February 01, 2002: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</p>