I'm separated from WH. We have a 4 month old daughter. He wants to take her to his OW's place to show her and her family. His A has ended, apparently. Hes still good friends with this family (Ow's H knows about the A).<p>Naturally I dont want my daughter to have any contact with them. Ive told WH how I feel and asked him not to do it but he still wants to. <p>How else can I approach this?<p>AH

Have you learned how to POJA? If not, then you can read about it on this website or in the book His Needs/Her Needs.
Both of you should come to an agreement on whether or not she should meet the OWs family.
Personally, I agree with you. I don't understand what the benefits to your family is by him doing this.<p>take care,
cleo

Do you have a court order regarding visitation?<p>From my (unfortunately) vast experience with the courts and police regarding custody and visitation issues, I would doubt that you have any legal recourse unless you can prove to a judge that his having her around those people is child endangerment or abusive.<p>A parent can take their child where they please as long as it does not violate child protective laws. And if you do not have a court order granting you custody, then your H can take the child anytime and keep her in his custody as long as he pleases since he is the father and there is no court order preventing him from doing so.<p>If you all do not have a court order regarding custody and visitation, then you can refuse to allow visitation if he is planning to take your baby there. However, he has the option of seeking relief in the court and obtaining a court order to protect his parental rights.

Conquerer<p>This seems unfair. Do you mean to say that if i dont get a court order about visitation that he can get one to do what he wants whenever he wants, like turn up and expect to take our daughter there and then? i dont want to risk getting into a legal structure as parenthood is all new to me and i learn things everyday that might change the decisions i make earlier, like how long he can have her for.<p>i'm scared. i dont want to lose my daughter.<p>AH

Ive been thinking about sending this family an email to let them know I dont want my daughter to have any contact with them. Would this be fruitless? Would it do more damage than good?<p>Angelheart

Personally, angelheart, I would not allow my H to take the baby into such an environment for obvious reasons. Good grief, this woman is partially responsible for the ruin of the baby's family and she is supposed to be offered over to her and her family to gawk at?? I don't think so. <p>Being in Plan A does not mean that you sacrifice your children to appease an unreasonable, wayward spouse. Since there is no court ordered visitation at this point, possession is 9/10ths of the law and you have that power in your hands. If the OW wants to see the baby, whose family she helped destroy, send over a picture for her use for dart practice.

I have to agree with you. There is no way I would approve my H taking MY child to visit the family of OW!!!!! If the A is truly over, why in the heck should he stay "buddies" with her family? I say stand your ground with him!!! Hopefully he wont try to start the legal junk. Try explaining WHY and CALMLY. If it was a family of another man, I can promise he would not want you to do that. Best of luck.

oops, duplicate<p>[ February 02, 2002: Message edited by: hddavis ]</p>

How thoughtful of the H to want to take your daughter to visit the OW's family? Hm...... sounds fishy..... ok, give H a picture and say that when you are comfortable with that thought you will let him know. In the interim say you understand his need to show off his daughter but since the baby's mother can't be there, then neither can the baby. I mean he didn't have the baby by himself did he? <p>My H was dumb enough to show OW a family picture of us. ARrrgh.... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] So she was able to know what we looked like. That's when she call me 'chubby'. I was a size 6. She weighs more than H. Hm.......<p>All I have seen is a picture of her on the website that is her face mushed up with her dogs (German Shepherd). Hm......kinda hard to decipher which is witch!?!?<p>Not sure if you can stop this meeting or if it is wise to try. You may need some back up if you present another option to him. <p>JMHO....becareful. <p>L.

I suspect hes already taken her over there a few times now. he refuses to answer me wen i ask about it. Theres not a thing I can do is there? Ow already has my WS back in her life (as well as managing to keep her own little family together) and is it not enough she gets to spend time with my daughter as well?