Here's a few quotes from a book I found a while ago. I thought it might be a bit of a motivator for some BS out there... I wish I had the link to it - I'll see if I can find it again.<p>I found it just days after d-day, and although I tried to follow much of the advice, it wasn't until just recently that the whole picture of it has really "clicked" in my head... the basic premise: stop NEEDING... i.e. stop pursuing, let WS do the work. Agree with them - even when they're 80% wrong, they're 20% right. I personally think if it's something particularly unpalitable, ignore them, or talk back fogese - i.e. don't be a doormat - they notice strength - but don't be cold or hard - friendly indifference.<p>On the topic of following feelings:<p>These ideas always work. You see, they're not natural because our feelings are spoiled brats. They want to choose the goal and they want to choose the methods. We want to go to London, England, and we want to go by horseback. Well, you can't go to London, England by horseback. You've got to let your head choose something. Let your head choose the goal, so your feelings say, "I love this person and I want back with them." This is what your feelings are saying.
"Okay," your head says, "then you've got to do these things. You've got to agree and stop
criticizing - cheerfully, happily - accept whatever your mate wants." "But I feel I would lose." There you go. The feelings want to choose everything. And the feelings, this time, are wrong. You lose with this method.<p>On the topic of getting out of pain:<p>This has to do with a person getting out of pain. Pain is connected with the tone of voice of whining or screaming. So we want to learn to whine and interrupt our self-talk, saying,
"Shut up." "But how could she…" "Shut up!" "But how could she…" "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I'm not a 3-year-old being abandoned in the woods by my mother. The world is full of sweet, beautiful women who would do anything to have a guy like me." In the book How To Fall Out Of Love, by Deborah Phillips, she teaches when you think of
the person who's rejecting you, you are in pain. So stop thinking about them.<p>On the topic of "needing":<p>Your relationship will improve when you stop working at changing your mate and warmly allow
your mate to be whomever they are. If they want to be cold, it's perfectly okay. They want to
be hostile, they want to think that you're guilty of something that you're not, it's perfectly okay.
It's perfectly okay. It's only a preference that I get her or him back, or that they be more loving. It's not a need. The more that you think of it as a need, you're not going to get it. If it's only a preference, you have a lot of power there. If you desperately need a loan from the bank, the bank will say no.<p>
Personally, I think these ideas fit in very well with Plan A (and B). I.e., by thinking in terms of preferences again, we stop worrying about THEM and think more about US. It is a challenge, though, isn't it, some days? But I'm personally finding strength by it, and possibly SLOW changes in WW!