So out of nowhere last night, wife says to me, "we need to discuss something". Okay..."yeah, well I don't want you to do anything for me for Valentine's Day." I can't do that I said, and she says, "I mean it, don't, I will be forced to not accept anything you get me, so do you promise you won't buy me anything or do anything". I'm like, "I can't promise that". So finally I think about it and say okay. No point in making her more upset, and because I didn't automatically agree she said, "Why do you have to make things like this so hard."<p>What is with that? Is this just more of her trying to distance herself emotionally so it won't be as hard when she leaves me? Is it because she is so disgusted with me that showing my love to her for Valentine's Day will only make things worse?<p>Someone please help me out here...
I was thinking maybe about doing something nice the week before Valentine's day and just not labeling it "VALENTINE"...you know, but I am at a loss here. Feeling very blue in all of this.

I've been struggling with the Valentine's day thing, too. In the past I have sometimes made a big deal of it, with jewelry and dinner and such. This year, my WW told me all I need to get her is the Chocolate Heart box of espresso caramels from Starbucks. Valentine's Day is a Thursday, which seems to be an OM day on those days when WW blows off her women's Bible Study (talk about fog!).<p>I'm struggling with the knowledge that the two of them may have this big Valentine's Day, and then I show up with just a box of choclates.<p>But I guess it is all about WW's needs, so if she wants the chocolates, she gets them. <p>And I need to realize that she is the one living with the knowledge of all of the detials of her double life. For me it is all just speculation, or assumption, with sometimes minimal details confirmed by reading e-mails. <p>I do know that there was no mention whatsoever of an exchange of presents at Christmas, though there were promises by OM of big Christmases to come. So maybe I am projecting again and they won't even acknowledge Valentine's Day.

MissingHer, I would respect her request and not give her a Valentines gift. It sounds like that will be hard for you, so go ahead and do something nice for her during the week and just leave it at that. DO go out and do something nice for yourself, something that makes you feel special. Boppo, as for the Starbucks chocolates, go ahead if it makes you feel good, but be sure to get a big frothy delicious drink for yourself, with lots of whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles! Prayers to you, Ladysing [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I really think that the WS feels guilty and undeserving of a gift. My H sold our Corvette after coming back to me. He told me that he didn't deserve it. Now we are going through another A and he is trying to sell our new Corvette. I don't think that this is just a coincidence. I am sure that in their foggy state of mind , they can't graciously accept gifts because it makes them feel even more guilty than they already do.

Thank you for the posts...
It could be a guilt thing, but more, I think its probably because she has no romantic "feelings" for me and that is what Valentine's day is all about. Obviously if she "felt" something for me she wouldn't mind so much and since "feelings" are the most important thing here, you can't act unles you have them...right? (Totally sarcastic)

LadySing, I think I will take your advice and do something nice the week before and drop the Valentine label and then do something really nice for myself instead. <p>Cheers on that...

I don't think it's guilt-motivated, either or she wouldn't have asked for heart shaped chocolates!<p>I would send myself some flowers or something to make me feel better. If my S asked me not to buy, I wouldn't. Sometimes when we get what we ask for, we aren't so happy with it...and do thinkgs differently the next time around.

I think your idea of a "non-Valentine's Day" something is good--keeps the promise, but also bypasses the promise in case it isn't what she really wants or was some kind of test or something.<p>[ February 01, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

it maks me physically ill to think of Valentines day. I want NOTHING from my H. I dont feel love, i cant feel love, i dont have love. and Valentines day is full of ugly red love. (sorry) [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>i would respect her wishes. If u do differently it just may force her to detach even further.<p>mercy
WS