Interesting evening, to say the least. <p>I had sort of decided I wasn't going to see H this week. Wasn't in the mood for the pain, if I'm honest. But when I suggested I forward his mail to him, he said, "well, why don't we arrange to see each other?" How could I resist? I mean, I'm in love, after all. <p>Did dinner and then went to the pub afterward. At first, he only wanted a few drinks and we ended up staying for many drinks. I did a Plan A "boo boo" early in the evening and asked if he still thought about moving back in. He said yes. I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he said no, so I left it at that. <p>Later on, he asked more about the psychic medium I went to see. She was very (scarily) accurate on everything she said to me (including telling me I was married and my H was having an affair and describing the OW to me). I hadn't told him a lot of what she said before because I didn't want to influence him in any way. But he asked. I got very nervous and said I really didn't want to go there, but he assured me he wanted to hear it. <p>So I told him all of it. Told him how the psychic told me OW was using my H as a replacement child of sorts (she can't have children). How she mothers him to death and manipulates him and how my H is in danger of being hurt by this woman. How she said that my H is being surrounded by negative energy and it's not coming from me. <p>He sat there for a bit and looked stunned. I asked him if he was okay. He looked at me and looked as if he was about to cry. He said something about how he was having doubts about OW. I asked him why and he said he wonders if she's being honest with her feelings about not being able to have kids. I asked him how HE felt about that. He said he thinks she hasn't come to terms with it. I then re-phrased the question - "Yes, but how do YOU feel about her not being able to have kids". He said something about adoption then said "just like we used to talk about. There's a lot of un-wanted kids in the world." Then he said that he hasn't promised her anything. Said he never talks about the future with her because he just doesn't know. He said she asks, but he doesn't know because he's confused. He kept re-inforcing that he has not promised her a single thing or any type of future whatsoever. I didn't push the conversation any further. <p>He seemed to be staring into nothing then. Looked rather lost and sad. I asked him if he was okay and he smiled at me. I told him I would always be there for him and he said he knew that. <p>We got back to my flat and went on the computer together for a bit. He then said he was going to call a taxi. I told him he was welcome to stay, but he said he had to be in work early to do some stuff. <p>As we waited for the taxi, he looked sad. I saw him looking at the bracelet he was wearing (my Christmas present to him) and looking as though he was going to cry. I went and hugged him and he held onto me tight. We stood there for a long while with our arms around each other staring into each other's eyes. I smiled and told him I missed him. He pulled me in for another hug. <p>Taxi showed up. I walked him to the door. He hugged me again and gave me a very sweet kiss. I told him I loved him and he said, "I know." and smiled at me. <p>After he left, he sent me a text message (he rarely does this!) that said his stomach was feeling a bit weird. Then he said "have a nice sleep". <p>I'm heartbroken. He's going to OW's house this weekend. I love my H so much and I almost felt as though we were "there" tonight, but maybe it's just my PMS and romantic inclinations working together to make me weepy. <p>Right, this is the part where you are all honest with me and tell me what you think happened. I think it's a good sign that he's telling me he is having doubts about OW and I also think he wasn't giving me the FULL story about those doubts. This is the part where you tell me you think the A is dying and I should be patient. This the part where you tell me I'm doing a great Plan A and should keep it up because there *is* hope. Or maybe this is the part where you tell me I'm full of cr*p and delusional and should just kick him out of my life because he's a nut-case not worth of my time. <p>Either way, I would love some honest opinions. I'm off to cry myself to sleep now. <p>Love,
VE

oh! forgot to mention - we discussed plans for next weekend, as well. One of our mutual friends is coming to visit. Now, this is a business partner of his, as well as a friend. When H and I were "together" we used to get together with this person and other friends of ours to go out for dinner and drinks etc... Anyway, since Dday, none of us have been out together as a group, for obvious reasons. <p>So next weekend, this friend is coming down to discuss the business during the day and we all have plans to go out at night. Oddly enough, H seems really comfortable with this. So on Saturday night, it will be H and I, our friend and our other "couple" friends for the first time in months. <p>As a side note, all of these people are very close friends to both my H and I and are completely supportive of H and I getting back together. They all DESPISE OW, but remain very good friends to both of us. Should be interesting. Watch this space.

VE:<p>Your H's words are now coming in line with his actions of recent weeks. It seems clear to me from the way he has interacted with you lately that he is having extreme doubts about the OW. He is simply voicing his doubts to you, which, if nothing else, shows that he is now comfortable talking to you about his feelings. You have created a safe place for him.<p>Although I'm not a believer in astrology/psychic reading, the whole mother/child aspect to your WH's A with OW seems plausible. He may want to leave her but feels guilty for thinking this (because he recognizes she has become dependent on him). Sounds like a very unhealthy relationship with OW.<p>Anyway, I hate to be overly optimistic in my replies because we all see so many set backs and continued betrayals between couples here. Have you given any thought to the timing for a Plan B or whether you think it will even be necessary? Not suggesting it's time; just curious.

My advice: (for what it's worth)<p>Do not plan B....you aren't ready for it and it doesn't seem warranted.<p>Keep doing what you are doing...you seem to be getting somehwere..<p>Patience, my dear, patience.... <p>E

Thanks for your opinions and advice RJB2 and Elad. I seriously don't think I'm ready for Plan B. Don't feel it in my bones yet, but I know that I will recognise when I do. He seemed so sweet and so sad last night. Almost as though he wanted to stay and hold me all night, but felt he couldn't. I don't know...it was just different.<p>Received another text message from H at about 3 in the morning telling me he was awake and not feeling very well. Of course, I was asleep so didn't read it until the morning. VERY out of character for him to send me texts that late (early?) if at all. We had a lot of text message communication throughout today. And this evening, when I knew he was driving to OW's house, I sent him a text asking him to be careful driving as it is very windy here at the moment. He sent one back saying thank you and that he will be careful. <p>Would like to hear some more opinions from people as to what they think may be going on. I know Orchid, Resilient and Bramblerose are out there somewhere! I always find that when I can't see the reality of this for my own fog, you all come in and shed some serious light on it for me and it all begins to make sense. Please teach me!!!!<p>love and hugs to you all
VE

being selfish and bumping myself up! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi V,<p>You need my opinion???? Nah.... you are actually handling yourself quite well. Much better than I at your stage anyways. <p>Patience, time and love. Easy to write but hard to do. You did fine. He is seeing things and giving you 'bits' of reassurance. Slo and steady progress in the right direction. Just a word of caution, be ready for a slip back or two. Also be prepared for an OW backlash. Can happen, just don't want you to be off guard. <p>You are doing well and I have been encouraged reading your posts. Keep up the good work and have a nice weekend. <p>Hugz,
L.

Hi Venus!<p>Sorry I haven't been around much. I have FIVE, count them, FIVE computers in my basement, and they all seem to be breaking at once [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyway, I think you sound like you are handling things just fine. Just stop asking him for signs or to stay, or whatever. It's only hurting you, because you and I both know what his answers are going to be right now.<p>He may have to lose you (Plan B) before this is over. How long have you been in Plan A now? Is there anyway you can do some counseling with the Harleys? I don't want you to do this to force the issue, but at the same time, how much damage is being done to you?<p>I'm not a believer in long term Plan A. Personally I don't think I could have pulled off the plan A that I did in the last 4 or 5 months of our separation, if I hadn't known that there was a definite end in sight - my divorce.<p>I couldn't have plan A'd with him living with me either. So, really, I think you are doing a fantastic job. But you should do some evaluation of where you are at, and what you need. <p>((((hugs))))<p>Hang in there.