We're moving ahead with plans to Divorce. There can be no reconcilliation for us now. I am losing my mind. Yesterday she didn't tell me that she was going to work early and when I couldn't get her on her cell phone I drove over to his parents apartment. I didn't find her car but I had to really fight down the urge to go in, his car was there.<p>She seems to enjoy pushing me to this point. When I ask her if she's still seeing him she answers with things like "What does it matter if I am?" instead of just telling me Yes or No so I can put my mind at ease for once and all. She claims that it's not him that is making her want out of our marriage so it shouldn't matter if she's seeing him. Well it does to me and when I tell her this she plays the game.<p>She's come out and said she doesn't love me and wants to be free. In the past she had given me mixed signals and she apologized for that, saying she won't do that anymore. She wants out and that's that. So I told her that was fine and that I want her to move out of the house as soon as possible. If we're going to do this then the sooner the better for all those involved. Of course I get the "You don't love me, you just want to win" and other phrases designed to guilt me into giving in.<p>I will miss her terribly and always carry around the guilt of knowing that I failed to be the husband that she needs. I want to change that more than anything else but she has the need to be "free" and live the life she thinks she's missing out on. So I am turning her loose and trying not to look back. Asking her to leave the house will remove any chance of a future for us. I know this and I accept it and I am moving forward. <p>I will probably move over to the Divorcing board. Thanks for the sound advice you guys have given me. I wish I had the courage and strength that some of you have. I feel like I am taking the easy road here but I just can't tell you how much suffering I have gone through for her over the years. All she can think about is that I wasn't there for her, I didn't make her feel wanted. Maybe that's because she was so abusive, so violent. We both did damage but not making her feel special seems to take precedence over literally trashing our home several times a month, leaving scars on me that I would have to make excuses for, throwing EVERY little thing I did confide in her back in my face.<p>Armed with the knowledge I've gained here as far as meeting emotional needs I am going into the future knowing that someday I am going to be such a great partner for someone. She is fixated on keeping me out of the house and telling me not to do anything to her OM or his car. She even had the gall to ask me if I slashed his top.<p>So in the end, the gloves are going to have to come off. She even called the apartments I live in to confirm I will have to pay for the remainder of the lease. I had to flat out tell her that I am moving back in, period. She mislead me into leaving else I would never have left my house. I will keep my son totally out of this, if things even get loud I will take him away and deal with it while he's not there. I called an attorney regarding the house issue and it's obviously not going to be as cut and dry as I had hoped. I am planning to talk with her about it and see if we can come up with a reasonable compromise and if not I will come up with the money to retain a lawyer, file to have sole use of the marital home and move on from there. She's already pushed us into financial hardship so I expect nothing more than that.<p>Understand that I know I am speaking in anger but I am comitted to this course of action. I know some of you think it's too fast for me to come to this conclusion but this needs to be done. She needs to live the consequences of her actions, as do I.
