Okay...heres the situation. It's been 6 months since D-Day and i have done a great plan "A". NOW i am asking WS for a choice to be made. HIM or ME. The "pat" answer is... "I don't know.".."I am so confused...". I know what i should want..but i can't get him out of my mind. Do you want to work on your marriage ? WS-> "Part of me does..part of me doesn't. ".... Do you want a divorce ? WS-> "Part of me does...part of me doesn't". <p>In my mind..she has MADE the choice. She has choosen HIM over me and is only staying with me out of convience and because the kids, house and job keep her here. After 6 months...she still refuses to give him up. How can she be confused ? Everyone knows waht they want. She says she is afraid to go because of the unknown with him....yet is afraid to leave because of the security she has with me. In my mind...i only have her body anyway...he has her mind and heart and spirit. <p>What else can i do ? Plan "A" is getting nowhere..she just accepts it all and gives nothing and knows thats what she is doing.

Hmm. Sounds like you are where I will be in about a month. Actually it's been 5 months of Plan A for me, and I'm where you are right now. I'm about 99.9% sure things won't change for me in the next month.<p>So... I'm thinking about Plan B more and more. I've demonstrated change, she's acknowledged it (both in her own words, and our MC has told me this too). We're making zero "progress". And my feelings are starting to change for her.<p>For me, those 3 parameters are what I've been watching carefully to tell me when Plan B will be appropriate.<p>Have you talked to SH or JH? If you can afford it, you might get some good advice on your progress and next steps.

I agree with JR...maybe it's time to separate--so she can have quiet time to make a decision. It's really easy to waffle as long as she has her cake and you, too. Nothing has changed, she has her home, hubby, kids, etc. All the support a gal could want.<p>I would think about an apartment if it was me.

Her choice is both you AND OM as it has been for the entire time, so it is not HER choice that is relevant. It is YOUR choice whether you want to continue to be part of her cozy little threesome anymore.<p>As you said before, you've laid your Plan A foundation. I don't think you should even be having this conversation with her. My understanding is that Plan B should be silent and sudden with no warning. I think it loses its effectiveness with these types of discussions.<p>I blew my attempt at Plan B with lack of adequate preparation, so I can speak from that experience. Get all your ducks in a row, then make an unheralded abrupt exit.