I AM IN NEED OF ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW FROM A NETURAL PARTY --- I FEEL FOR OBVIOUS REASONS I AM TOO CLOSE TO THE SITUATION SINCE I AM THE VICTIM OF MY HUSBAND'S INFIDELITY. OK HERE IT IS: TWO WEEKS AGO MY HUSBAND TOLD ME HE "CHEATED" ON ME WITH SOMEONE HE KNEW FROM HIGH SCHOOL. WE WERE HAVING MARITAL PROBLEMS ~ LACK OF COMMUNICATION, LOTS OF MIS UNDERSTANDINGS AND NEW FRUSTRATIONS TRYING TO ADJUST TO BEING NEW PARENTS. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST 6 YEARS AND HAVE A 6-MONTH OLD SON. I AM READING "HOW TO SURVIVE AN AFFAIR" AND I AM SCARED BY A LOT THAT I AM READING ---- HOW EASY IT IS FOR THE "WAYWARD" SPOUSE TO STRAY AGAIN. WELL, MY HUSBAND CLAIMS THAT HE HAS NO FEELINGS FOR THIS OW, "HE WAS LOST" AND HE HAD ONLY SEEN HER 3 TIMES AND BEEN WITH HER 2. THE BOOK IS CONTRIDICTING WHAT "HE" (MY HUSBAND) IS SAYING TO ME. THE BOOK SAYS AFFAIRS START DUE TO ONE OF THE 10 EMOTIONAL NEEDS MISSING FROM A RELATIONSHIP ---- MY H SAYS HE DOESN'T THINK WHAT HE DID IS CONSIDERED AN "AFFAIR" --- BUT A "THOUGHTLESS MISTAKE OF WHICH HE REGRETS". HE HAD TOLD THE OW THAT HIS MARRIAGE AND FAMILY WERE MORE IMPORTANT (THIS WAS BEFORE I EVEN KNEW ANYTHING. MY H SAYS "HE WAS LOST ---- IN AN UNKNOWN PLACE IN HIS LIFE AND WAS TRYING TO MEND ALL THE PAIN HE FELT - WANTING US TO BE OVER". THE INSIGHT HE NOW CLAIMS TO HAVE IS THAT THIS 3 EVENT LUST CHARADE - HAS BROUGHT HIM TO REALIZE "HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME" AND THAT WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO REPAIR OUTSIDE OF US, ONLY MADE HIM FEEL WORSE. I AM STILL ENRAGED AND AM GOING THROUGH SICK, RESENTFUL, PAIN ETC. AND I AM ENRAGED THAT THIS HAPPENED ---- I WANT TO GET OVER THIS (ALTHOUGH I FEEL LIKE THIS IS TOTALY UNACCEPTABLE ~ SO WHY SHOULD I RECOVER FROM WHAT HE DID. I DO LOVE MY HUSBAND, I ALWAYS HAVE MAYBE THIS IS WHY. I JUST FEEL LIKE IF DESPITE OUR PROBLEMS I FOUND A MORE PRODUCTIVE WAY TO HANDLE OUR PROBLEMS, I WENT TO COUNCELING. WHAT TO DO ~ I NEED ADVICE FROM ANYONE. ANYTHING IS GREATLY APPRECIATED ~ THANKS.

I think that you should both go to marriage counseling immediately!!! He did have an affair, whether he admits/realizes it or not, and he did do it because it filled some type of emotional need that he has. <p>You both need to see a counselor to help you understand why it happened and what to do to prevent it in the future. <p>Good luck. Please let us know what happens.

I understand your situation, in fact, I thought my W was writing it. Your H must first come to the realization that it was an EMA plain and not-so-simple. His actions altered the lives of his family and the OW. I understand his shame, but he must understand that the anger you feel is a result of the hurt, frustration, and fear that he created.<p>MC is, I think, in order for both of you if you choose to repair the damage.<p>Good luck!