Lighthouse,
I'm sorry that I didn't replt to your question about "coming out of the fog " sooner. I just replied and accidentaly deleted the reply. Here's a brief overview. Yes, I did develop love for the OW. I held on to that tightly without thinking clearly. The more someone tried to tell me what I was doing the harder I fought. I described it another post as standing behind a two way mirror and watching myself "self destruct". I understand the feeling that you are going to crash and burn.I've felt strongly that way.
Reading SAA after leaving home for a couple days started the process I think. I somehow felt "validated " for my feelings toward the OW. I wasn't imagining it. Others have the samr thing happen. The long and short of it is that I relapsed after the new year and set things in an uproar again for my wife and the OW. I don't know what will happen but my W and I are talking and I am being truthful even though it is hard sometimes. I re-read parts of SAA and found this site and it has really helped. Redhat replied to me with advice that hit home..."You know what you need to do to rebuild your marriage and if you really care for the OW you will let her go so she can find a suitiable relationship for her."
Good advice but I still struggle. It is like getting over an addiction.
Get back to me.
Brw
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Lighthouse,
I left out the most important part, My Wife.
If it weren't for her I don't know where I would be now. As much as I've hurt her she still loves me and believes in me and even though I went to far with the OW she knows I must have cared for her. That is a major LB in any marriage. To say the least.... I have a great Wife!
Brw [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]