We've had some issues with porn (H getting a movie just cuz it showed skin when I was away). When baby was 6 weeks old,sex was hurting and he told me he had been flirting with a new girl (B) at work. It only happened over a couple of shifts. His thoughts had turned to adultery but only briefly, he says. He told her he didn't want to flirt anymore...to my knowledge, he hasn't much and none with her (although she has made some comments, and flirts with other married men.) He still works with her, doesn't see her everyday. Occasionally talks to her like nothing happened. Recently, someone told the wife of another MM she was flirting with that "word was they were having an affair." Of course B., tells all this to my H. H said, "Wow, you're just bound and determined to break up someone's marriage." Hehee. My question is that with these things popping up now and then...where do I stand? H says I'm no. 1 and only...but why the occasional slip? (with B, that was the first time he said) But, he still works with her. She still makes comments. I honestly can't stand her although, I've made an effort to be friendly to her. I'm friends with other co-workers and they seem to think she's decent. Which she may be...but she's bustin' up marriages and she's not pretty. She's got the yellowest teeth I have seen. She dies her hair, big nose and rear. What is it? I don't want to be like that. The only thing I feel I'm jealous of is that she works with my H and keeps working on other's marriages (not that I want to, just want to take her down) This is since May. I can't let go. H says he can't remember his jokes to her. I don't know, I think if I put my marriage in jeopardy, I could remember what I said. Honestly, it wasn't that bad, what he says he does remember, but I know he gets kinda raunchy with me, and uses language at work he doesn't use at home. Okay, I am jammed with issues. Anyone want to advise? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Hoping,
I am actually responding to both of your threads. I just wanted to let you know that this is a great Forum to post your questions. You will get responses. The post ahead of yours with the 10 responses was started yesterday. Everytime someones responds to a thread, it gets bumped up to the top. I have only been posting for a few months so I am not too sure about giving advice. One thing I feel comfortable telling you is to trust your instincts! Every instinct I had ended up being true unfortunately. But...the best thing I can tell you is to read all of the information on this site and if you have questions about any any of it, post them here. Someone will answer. There are so many wonderful people here and all with similar problems (some worse than others, but all of us are in the same boat). They have helped me so much and I know they will be able to help you too. If no one gets a chance to respond today, I will bump you up to the top, OK? Hang in there!
Hugs,
BH

Hi there,
First off, I think it is at least a good sign that your H was honest about his thoughts. Of course noone want to know or think of their spouse with another person. That as you know can really eat you up from the inside. <p>My advice is to work on the M. Even if there waas no "full blow A". You can still use the MB concepts to see where you are in the M. How do you rate your communication? How do you rate his meeting your needs? How does HE rate you meeting his? These are all important. The Emotional Needs questionare is a nice thing to do with your spouse if you are having problems, suspect them, or even if you have a good marriage and want to make it better. If you are meeting all the needs your partner has I think you can be more secure in your marriage or relationship. Something I wish I took to heart a long time ago.

Thank you for your help and insight. I think it just was getting to me and noone had posted so I thought I would try to draw some attention. H is home now but I was sure he'd give me some time. I thought we were doing well even after the "incident" but then this porn junk came up, which he said had nothing to do with me and him needing anything...said he was happy. But then, why do it? Anyway, I'm glad I found this site and knew I could get help. After incident, I bought His Needs, Her Needs. B said,"Isn't it a little late for that?" I asked her point-blank about that and she said,"Well if it was going to happen, it would've." Anyway. I thank you for your replies and am hoping for more because this cut deep even though there was no EMA.

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you are being so proactive! I honestly can't say from your post how serious of a problem you may have--but if you two are becoming MB-ers this early in the game, you're on track for an awesome marriage! <p>Honesty and respect BEFORE and affair happens...wow what a concept!

Hmm.. my opinion tell B to go stuff it.. or better yet ignore her and she will go away eventually. Focus on your H instead.

The prior responses are good, and so I want to go after one very specific part of your original post: Why are many OP U-G-L-Y yet still attract attention and have a knack for being idiots? My personal opinion:<p>It's not about their looks, it's about their attitude. About how they carry themselves. I think there's 4 main things that drive attraction between people: availability, passion, perspective, and how they make you feel.<p>Availiability: too much of it lead to contempt and boredom. So often-times, OP are people who seem "unattainable". That's the way it is in my situation: OM is foreign, speaks poor English, is very independent, possibly seems mysterious to my wife, etc.<p>Passion: no doubts in a relationship kills passion. With OP, doubts are everywhere, leading to a sense of fantasy and adventure. Us BS out there often have seemed like "sure things" all along, so we can be walked all over by the WS, and they don't believe that we WON'T be there tomorrow.<p>Perspective: many OP have well-rounded lives outside of the WS's life with the BS. So they seem interesting, whereas the BS may have become to enmeshed with the life of the WS, that they seem far too needy to have the same kind of balanced perspective that OP seems to have outwardly.<p>How they make you feel: OP are great at listening to exactly what the WS wants to hear. I know that's a fact in my situation. WW told OM that I did squat around the house for cleaning, and what do I see in a past e-mail from him to her? "Oh, I just cleaned my place - it smells so fresh - blah, blah, blah".<p>So... that's not really advice for you, maybe just some insight.<p>That's my pop psychology post of the day! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi,<p>Actually weekends are usually slower so please be patient with us. Have you read his needs/her needs yet? Also there is an emotional needs questionnaire located in the concepts section right under the MB logo at the top of this page. <p>You and your H don't have to suffer as much as others here if you both can step back and review your real issues. Work with Jennifer or STeve via phone counseling sessions. Also having a little one can sometimes send the spouse in another direction. Can we say Jealousy??!??!
Sometimes. <p>For now you are getting some good things to ponder from the other posters. Read up and then post back your thoughts. The tools at MB work. Outcome depends on how much each of you put into this work. <p>Welcome to MB.
L.

Have you two completed the emotional needs questionaire? (And if you have, how did you get your husband to do it, I can't get mine to even read it!) My guess is that sexual fulfillment is going to be one of the top needs on his list, and he's trying to spice things up. Looking for something new. Which of course does not mean that he should look for someONE new. Maybe you can make an effort to find something that the two of you will both get excitement and enjoyment from. Sometimes all it takes it getting away by yourselves without the kids.