Cali (post #1 re: narcissism) <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Just a caution to all...
we're all something to one degree or another... there is no normal...<p>... I looked at the book w/ interest to understand MY part in the relationship... and that is NOT to say I think my H is a narcissist 'cause I am not qualified to make such a diagnosis... but many of the qualities are there...<p>The most interesting part of the whole book was the description of the THERAPY... what each person had to do... but I have to get the book 'cause I can't put it down in words reliably... <hr></blockquote><p>
Cali (post 2) <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Everytime H and I discuss 'stuff' when I am trying to tell my point-of-view, he gets angry and states "So it's my fault...I'm to blame for everything." The other day I was just so frustrated... I said "NO... it is NOT about blame...I'm NOT trying to blame you..." but I couldn't quite get out what I was meaning...
Anyway, I was reading in Lusterman's book "Infidelity, A Survival Guide" last night and he had a section on recovery discussing 'empathy.' Lightbulb went on... that's what I was talking about... I have been working really hard to understand... to be empathetic... to 'get' how my H has been feeling all these years in our marriage... but he cannot seem to reciprocate.... even when I use 'I' statements he 'hears' it as blame....<p>I did state this to him yesterday and he said, "Empathy, eh?" End of discussion...<p>Anyway... I put empathy in a search engine... cause I wanted to write some more about it here... and check out what I found...<p>
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/g2699/0005/2699000560/p1/article.jhtml<p>way to weird... <hr></blockquote><p>Cali (post 3) <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>TTF....<p>quote:
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puts down any and every WS that posts and that isn't absolutely hating life and themselves. Is self-hate really the expected healthy LONG-TERM WS response? Is this really all you want from them? I hope not ::cringe::
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>I can think of many WSs that are loved and welcomed here and I don't see that they have had to HATE LIFE OR THEMSELVES. I feel they have expressed remorse and stopped BLAMING their BS AND stopped DEFENDING what they did... Same w/ BSs... those that have recovered BEST have stopped BLAMING WS and also stopped DEFENDING what they did...<p>I think it is called learning to be empathetic.<p><hr></blockquote><p>I'm gonna say emphatically that no where in here do I make the assertion that all WSs are narcissists. That I used the term empathy in two of these posts is due to the fact that I have been discussing this w/ H who is having difficulty being 'in-empathy' with me... doesn't understand my pain nor that I have had just as difficult of a time in our marriage that he has... <p>I never stated directly that you were a narcissist or that you were not empathetic, but that WSs AND BSs that get stuck in the blame game... who had it the worst in the marriage MAY HAVE A PROBLEM W/ EMPATHY... I didn't even use narcissist in the reply to you... don't extrapolate from one of my posts to the other PLEASE....
I don't know you, nor do I post to you regularly... I would have no basis to make such an assertion, nor would I recklessly. Take your anger and defensiveness and direct it somewhere else... I have enough to deal with in my own WS.<p>
The only person who is making you a target is you. <p>Cali
