Ok, this letter has to sound like it comes from you - so please disregard any suggestion I make that makes it sound too formal or not like you - but I'm an English major and a few things popped out.<p>
My Dear Connie,<p>God give me strength – this is the hardest thing I’ve had to write, ever.<p>In the past while, as I’ve said before, I’ve been able to reflect on things in a new light. I can see that I’ve tolerated your affair out of my honest love for you, out of hope that you’d come to see that I can not only be your best friend, but your romantic lover, and that you’d accept this willingly. I fear that I’ve reached a point where I can do no more to show you this. <p>[... to see that not only can I be your best friend, but also your romantic lover ......(not onlys and but alsos go together)]<p>
Connie, I apologize to you from the bottom of my heart for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with both OM#2 and OM#1 possible. Based on my growth and understanding, I will avoid the mistakes I’ve made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will be fulfilling and based on genuine love and respect. But I cannot do that with you until you end your relationship with OM#2 once and for all, and commit to making other specific changes in your life that are consistent with building a happy marriage.<p>Until then, I can no longer see or talk to you because of the pain I am feeling because of your choice to continue your relationship with OM#2. We must conduct ourselves as the future will really be, not given other choices. I will be moving out within the next few days. I would suspect that you will want to move also, and that’s certainly up to you. I have some specific correspondence for your family also, explaining my decision. I will send it a couple of days after I leave, so I would expect that you talk to them yourself before that. We must also establish a go-between for all communications – I’ve asked Doug to do this ([his email]). All written correspondence and mail can be forwarded directly. [I took out the part about legal separation - BUT - see below question.]<p>I ask you to respect my decision to be separated from you in this way. It is not done out of malice, revenge, or anything remotely like that. I do it to protect my remaining love for you. You certainly know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with OM#2, and the things that you have said over the past months, and I simply can’t maintain contact with you any longer, knowing that you persist in holding on to both of us. I still love you dearly but I cannot see you under these conditions, and continued contact of any type threatens my remaining love for you. I’ve missed you so very much the last few months, and I can’t bear to continue like this, Connie.<p>As soon as you are willing to permanently and fully separate from OM#2, I will be open to talking about the possibility of reconciliation, and the things necessary to build a strong future together. As you are certainly aware, feelings can be fickle and unpredictable, but my resolve in building a happy life as a complete person is one thing that will never change. I don’t say that out of selfishness, but because I’m a survivor, and one who [whom] I’m confident you would love dearly as your husband, married in trust and happiness.<p>I would love to see our marriage restored some day. I want us to be best friends, create an environment where we can be joyous, avoid unhappiness, and thrive with passion and genuine bonding of husband and wife. I know that so very much is possible – and I hope that you do too. What do I see? A house, a garden, happy, beautiful children, thrilled grandparents, and us standing tall – simple things. I wish this for you and I. I have all along in my heart of hearts.<p>I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you in any way as long as you are seeing OM#2. I hope that I can see you again someday. [Is that too manipulative? It certainly is more dramatic, no?? ] <p>[ - No, but you'll eventually see her - even if it's a kid function or divorce court, but you could put I hope that we will be together someday, or that you will choose to return to the marriage someday....]<p>With my truest love,
J.R.<p>Does she have Doug's e-mail? <p>Get your support group in place. I know this is hard, but you can do it. K
