Hi All,<p>I am still in shock.<p>Last Thursday I talked to SH and adviced to talk to OM, possibly OM's mother. It took me for a while to hold my thought. He wanted me to talk and figure out what is their plan. Not calling but face-2-face. I would also being ask to talk to OM's mom to ask her advice. (?????) I told Steve I need time to hold my strength together since I could really hurt some one by my bare fists if I wanted too. Weekend Church retreat could not be at a better time. This morning, after I dropped my 2 D at school, I know OM is at his apartment (day off on Monday) and my WW is waiting for my car. (I returned the rental since insurance's coverage is running out). I prayed and I asked my Lord to gave gave me wisdom, patience and strength to go through this. I asked Holly Spirit to even use me mouth to talk.<p>I window shooping around the apartment and saw all 4 cars. I decided if God is on my side who stands to be my enemy, remembering 4 words ... Do not be afraid. I knocked the apartment door, no answer for a while. I thought I knock the wrong apt. I went to the mail box to check the name, but there is none. I heard the door opens so I run back and told OM (in pj) that I want to talk to him. We met once and he knew who I am right away. He told me he will be back and close the door. I hate this, I hate this, I pray again to hold my self, I could break in that door. after about 5 mintues, an old lady open the door and ask me "what do you want to do with my son ?". I ask her by her name since I knew it was her place. I told her that I am my W husband and I would like to have a word with him and ask him about what he is planning to do with my W. She told me that this is her apartment. I assured her that I respect that and the problem is between me and my W and I just need to ask Om some questions. She asked OM if he want to let me in the apartment. I told her that I wanted to be out side since this is her apartment and the she has nothing to do with it. I catched a glimse of her uneasiness about getting caught in this mess. (She is filling my W's conversations need !!! LOL !!!, and OM is an escape A). OM finally came out and I talk to him in the front of the apartment. I told him that I am my W husband and I know that he is going out with my W. I ask him what is his plan with my W ?. He ask me what my W told me. I said my W are not happy she told me that she want out from M and not even going into new M. She will stay away from relations. OM (he is good, he is coaching my W on all of this time) asked me what do I want to do ?. I told him that I want my wife to be happy, I will honor her wish and will help her to find her happiness. OM said he want it the same thing. I told OM that I love her soo much that I left my family to come to US. He told me that W does the same giving up her career. I replied that I know and I know her love. I am probably reading this too much, I saw he is guilty about it and his nervousness. When he try to justify his action, listen to this ... Your marriage has a lot of problem even before I know your W. I told him I know and I always try to work it out. I reply back, If you have a dying freind that need medicine, do you kill M to ease her pain or help her M ?. He is taken back by my reply. I ease the stuation that "we are adult and we could agree that we disagree". I ask him if he is marriage. He told me yes, I told him twice, he quickly continue that it doesn't mean that he can not have true love. I have the info that I wanted I don't want to spend much more time, I shake his hand and say "Well we have to let her to choose". I also tell him to pass my apology to his mom for intruding. I left [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I praise the Lord that I could get through this w/o incident ... I could relate kevco- 's feeling when he did window shopping. It wasn't me visiting that apartment, I feel like I am watching myself doing it.<p>Steve really has many trick under his sleves. Gave me chance to see it clearly A and take my own asessment. I fill in financial security and domestic, OM fill in Affections and ... LMAO !! OM's mother fillin Conversation. I am correct all along. OM also is the son not the uncle or the grandson. I am actually feeling sorry for W and OM for a bit. Are they "in love" ? I beleive so. Are they "in pain" ? I beleive so, this roller coaster is three seats but I am the only one not in the fog. I could move on but I do not think my W will be able too. I do beleive that they are frustrated of their A.<p>Thanks for reading ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>
Steve really has many trick under his sleves. Gave me chance to see it clearly A and take my own asessment. I fill in financial security and domestic, OM fill in Affections and ... LMAO !! OM's mother fillin Conversation. I am correct all along. OM also is the son not the uncle or the grandson. I am actually feeling sorry for W and OM for a bit. Are they "in love" ? I beleive so. Are they "in pain" ? I beleive so, this roller coaster is three seats but I am the only one not in the fog. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Wow, Red,
I am in awe of your ability to meet him and talk to him face-to-face.....I'm afraid I couldn't maintain myself and "act like a lady" in the face of a SL*T like my H's ow. I envy you keeping your peace and doing this....not that it will change anything.....<p>Jeeeez.........WHAT A WEENIE he is!!!! He saw you at the door, and sent his MOMMY to meet you?!?!?!?!?! Jeeeez
[img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] (loser)<p>What do you think will happen now? Based on this information (and the fact that you now know he has a W), what will you do next? Are you still in Plan A? <p>I say congratulations for your bravery. You are truly FIGHTING for your M.

Redhat, you are too cool! I loved this post!
I am in no way making light of your situation, but this was one of the most entertaining posts I've read in a long time. Your wife is insane to let such a bighearted guy like you go. Dude, you kick [censored]!

Wow RedHat...You rock!! I wish I had the guts to do what you did. My H's OW was my best friend and is still my next door neighbor and I have yet to confront her. I just can't get myself to do it! So, I applaud your courage and your faith that God would see you through.
God bless!
Hugs to you
BH

Redhat I salute you.<p>But tell me one thing. Has finally talking to OM lessen the anger felt toward him? Also has it made you feal sorry for your W's poor choice of a man?<p>My xW called up last night to talk to our daughters and later she and I talked for a few minutes. In the middle of our conversation, she asked me how I had felt when I finally talked to OM two years ago. I told her that after I saw and talked to him face to face, I felt a combination of humor, insult, and pity. Humor because I said to myself is this who she left me for?. Insult because I could deal with her falling for a man that could fill ALL her EN's (not just one or two). And pity because I told her that since she is a pretty woman she could have done a lot better in her choice of man and her choice seemed more of grabing anything that came along. I apologized to her for being blunt but those were my feelings at the time and they still are.<p>Joe

Hi Redhat,<p>Wow. You have been busy and productive. This took much courage and I must say that I am glad to see you take such a bold step. <p>Now it is easier to get a clearer picture? You are able to reassess and move forward? Sounds like the OM is not 1/2 the man you are. Her loss, your gain. <p>You take care and continue to progress. It is hoped in time, she can see the real man vs the one who hides behind his mom's skirts. <p>Keep us posted. I am very interested in your progress. You have given a lot of good suggestions and advice here. I benefit from reading your posts. You are doing good. <p>Take Care,
L.

Great job. You kick major [censored].<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Jeeeez.........WHAT A WEENIE he is!!!! He saw you at the door, and sent his MOMMY to meet you?!?!?!?!?! Jeeeez
(loser)<hr></blockquote><p>Man did she call that one right.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I praise the Lord that I could get through this w/o incident<hr></blockquote><p>Because if God is with me.....<p>Dan

lupolady
OM 2x married. He is single now but penniless (living w/ his Mom) paying child supports and maybe spousal too. I called once to "his" home during the day and his ex-answer it. I am not sure that OM is divorced w/ the last one but surely separated. I am going to check on that one.<p>I am still in plan A but I was frustrated w/ lack of progress and Steve wanted me to check it out myself.
EazyE
Thanks, when I want to give my best I wasn't kidding.
brokenhearted
I am sure I am not myself when I went there. My Lord answered my prayer right there.
justanotherjoe
I have little anger to OM to begin with, I am more angry to WS. How dumb she could be. However by meeting OM, it really lift me up high. You hit it right on the money. WS has a lot more too loose than me, she said it so !!! but her fog is so thick that she can not take the next step.
Orchid
Thanks Orchid, I am fighting w/ OM that has experience in Dv ... I will have to think several steps ahead of the situations. OM is coaching my WW all of this time.<p>All,
Now the seed had been planted, I will sit back and watch. As a rule in plan A, I will not bring up my enconters but surely I will talk about it if my WW asks. Thanks for listening.

Hi redhat,
Yes, I must agree that the Lord honored your prayer. You were able to gain some interesting observations about your wife's relationship with OM. I'm sure things will keep working out well for you with that kind of prayer life! Keep the faith!<p>p.s.I know I'm on the outside looking in, but a twice-divorced man who is so broke or encumbered that he cannot even support himself does NOT sound promising! There is MORE to life than affection! I'm sorry! I disagree with you on one point redhat--this can't be love, must be infatuation and that's about it. Q: What did Steve Harley say about moving to Plan B, if anything? What do YOU think about implementing Plan B?

BINthereDUNthat,
Thanks for the thought. It is love, but love in fantasy and escape A. She starts to stares at A point blank. I drive her away since she is pushing my hot buttons (before I now MB) and LB'ed all over the planet for the past 2 years. At no point Steve suggests plan B. He sends me to OM to calm me down and deter OM. Yesterday I left OM early since I saw an opening and have a bit urge to "trash" his ego.

redhat,<p>I can easily imagine how hard that confrontation was. <p>One of the things you have been frantic about has always been who is the actual OM. Now you know. I'll bet the reality is not nearly as bad as your imagination.<p>The reality is that there is not enough there to sustain a "real" relationship, just too many mutual problems. I guess your W will eventually have to figure out if she really wants to escape. <p>Keep up your awesome Plan A.<p>Jeffers

redhat-<p>Thanks for relating your story. It took a lot of courage and faith to do what you did and then to write about it.<p>I am feeling a lot of pain also and hoping that Steve knows what he is talking about. He's holding back a bit more in our case than I thought he would. I feel like while waiting the EA will turn to PA because it sounds like this is what my W wants. Steve says I need more evidence before proceeding. I've gone the software angle and have only gotten oneside of the story (W). Do you have any recommendation on phone equipment like you had for software?<p>HoFS

jeffers,
Thanks - Yes, reality is unless WS end this M, A will die. I just need to get busy doing my own thing. I will force her to choose when I am done cleaning up the financial mess. Conversation and affection is cheap or easy to do, it is just a habit that we need to aquired.<p>The hardest part of this is dumb WW keeps pushing the envelope. She "lost" her old one after she found out that the detail was in the bill then she bought last weekend a cell and didn't even give me the number. She is also in denial of her own A. I know OM, I know her A, I know they went somewhere every night ... why this ?. I am not even persue it at all. She has a blank check and let her live it and see if she like it. I do not think she will have any idea what is going to hit her when I am doing plan B.

Hey awsome job on your encounter. Redhat!
You give out so much good advice you deserve the best I hope your WW can realize that. Your strength and clear thought are an inspiration to us. <p>Hey, if you post the OM's address we can have an angry mob of BS' outside that door in 30 minutes.<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
kidding.<p>[ February 05, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

HofFenceSitter<p>Steve knows this stuff well and he is the pro. We are impatience with the result and frustrated from time to time. If WW wants PA ... there is nothing you could do and if you move to early you will have a hard time in recovering your M.<p>About telephone equipment, yes there is a web portal that I use: http://www.spystore.com/ you should be able to find telephone recorder that you could use and a lot more.<p>HangingIn Thanks for the encouragement.

wow redhat, I think that is awesome that you did that! And what a great idea to put pressure on them and to let them see that you are the walking breathing victim of thier shenanigans. You are very courageous and I admire your restraint. See, I am from Texas and I would have just shot his a**! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>By the way, you mentioned earlier that you came here from another country? Where?

MelodyLane,<p>Born and raised in Indonesia. Good thing I have not revoke my citizenship, I am still holding a green card. (Indonesia doesn't allow dual citizenship). I am eligible a long time ago. I have been here in Orchid's north neighborhood for 14 years this May'02.

Wow, no Plan B yet, huh? Really... (pause) Maybe not time for Plan B as your WS is allowing you to meet some ENs where some WS's do not...<p>So what else should you do? Turn up the volume in the affection department? Since you are able to meet all the other ENs that OM is not...<p>In any case, do keep up the good work! Your wife is very fortunate and I pray that she realizes how blessed she is to have a loving spouse who fights for her. (The good fight of faith, that is...)

I guess I am just going to come right out and be really intrusive...<p>BUT...I am dying to know what your Ws response to your actions were....
Curious if she twisted it into something different...
Curious to know if the OM twisted it into something different...
Did the spin-misters get a hold of it and make it work in their favor...
Is she mad at you???
Or has she said nothing and do you just sit there with a grin on your face??<p>Am I the only one dying to know????<p>I think the way you handled him was noble and really rather kind...
But as they say in Pittsburgh...I guess I'm just "nebby" [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img]
ARK

BINthereDUNthat,<p>Funny you ask again ..., your screen name tell it all. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I just LB'ed ... I do not want plan B but I just being forced to. The only EN that I met is financial and she starts reject me in any shape in Affection or Domestic. This morning, her new gig is dumping capucino coffee that I brewed for her , it hurts. She doesn't eat egg&ham that I cook for her breakfast either. My mistake of asking her about her decision on selling the property at that moment while I am hurting. She told me to sell it since she doesn't want to work on it (if we refinance it, I need her help). I had it. I told her that I needed her little help but she rejected me and run to have A and blame it on me thet the money is tight. Now she could do it herself, she doesn't want to, it is too hard. I am not going to be a doormat forever. She listens to OM then I let her have it. I told her that I am not going to meet her financial need, she could sue me or file Dv. If she want to sell the property, she could sell it her self, she is the one who destroy the family and I am not going to do it for her.<p>Plan B ?. Well, I can not do it since I have 2 D and she won't move out completely. She rejected also Conversations EN, not that I do not know how fill in ... (We could talk for hours) she suddenly pulled out and avoid it. Now, she rejects also others EN. She gave me no choice. I am at the point of I could look back and say I gave my best. I push her to make a decision before she crosses point of no return and I hate her for it. I do not know what tommorow bring but I need to close this chapter of my life and starts a new one w/ or w/o WW.<p>Update ... I just talk to WW since she needs help on my D science project. I apologize on my LB and I think I delay my tough love, I can not end it w/ the low note of my plan A. sigh !!!.<p>[ February 06, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>