As I read stories of the hatred of OW or OM... as I read how these people don't 'measure' up... I am saddened... I struggle w/ hatred of Princess. I want her to hurt like I hurt...<p>but, on the other hand, my H is an OM... And I can imagine how Princess's H must HATE my H... how he must want to hurt my h, like I want to make Princess hurt...<p>My H is flawed... Princess is flawed. We are all flawed... we all make mistakes... but the reason I stay w/ him and want to stay w/ him is that I still believe in him... I know the pain he is in. The OP is no less of a person than we are...<p>I would like to see OW drawn and quartered and dragged through the village square... I would like to place all the blame on her. But my H was complicit... I would like to ask the question of who made the first move... but it doesn't really matter... 'cause he acted...<p>... and everytime I read a story about hatred or anger toward OM or OW, I am saddened. I waste so much of my energy on her. Yeah, OPs compound the problem in a marriage... but fact is they are not the problem...<p>...and the problem is probably NOT even be you or your marriage... the problem lies in the heart of our WSs... it is their issues... their minds... their emotions over which we have no control...<p>All we can do is walk the walk of our talk... Give them no reasons or excuses ('cause they'll make up enough on their own) and be able to rest assured that WE have done Our part... the rest is up to them.<p>And finally, FOR US, NOT FOR THEM, we have to find forgiveness. Otherwise the knowledge of the OP and the A will eat like a cancer into our souls and we will never be whole. We do not have to love the sin... We do not have to forget the sin... but for our own sake, we must find forgiveness for the sin...<p>And WSs... that goes for you as well. Whatever sins you perceive the BS as having done... well, you need to forgive that as well...<p>Let the healing begin... and let it begin with you.<p>Peace,
Cali

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Well said, Cali!<p>100% correct.

Yes, I agree. Let's forgive the sin. It is a must, for all concerned. But, forgivness does not need to include condoning, rationalizing, agreeing, or pampering a WS, OM, OW, when they are so clearly intent in staying in the A.<p> I am fairly close to numerous 'one time' OP on this very forum. When they decide what they are doing is wrong, I support them to the hilt. Yes, we all make mistakes. It is what we learn from those mistakes that is important. <p> I will never agree with a WS, OM, OW, who are looking for someone to pity them for wanting to continue in an A. And, I will speak from the heart and tell them the hard stuff they need to hear. <p> I encourage WSes to at the very least try to save their marriage. Failing that I encourage them to end the marriage to spare as much pain to their family as possible. These are decent people, yes. I relate to many of them and am sorry for their pain. <p> I know I step on a lot of toes here on these boards. Not being politically correct or whatever people want to call it may be a fault. But, it is only a fault to those who are, or think they are(politically correct)....make since?<p> As for holding anger toward the OP...impossible not to have anger. You know it cali. <p> jd<p>[ February 04, 2002: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]<p>[ February 04, 2002: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]</p>