Hi all,<p>I appreciate the feedback I've gotten from everyone recently. I think I've actually had a chance to regroup a lot. Thinking about what Plan A means to me, and thinking about what I need to be doing going forward, for myself.<p>So here's my thoughts:<p>- Confront OM. Steve suggested this. Redhat did a great job of this recently - hats off to you, my boy! I'm looking for a similar encounter. As Steve put it, it's one way to start popping the cork on this - i.e. taking the fantasy out of it. Not sure how WW will react, but I'll be doing it while she's away at a conference, starting at the end of the week.<p>- Shift back into a more traditional Plan A. Lately, I've taken to distancing, mainly because I lost my Plan A motivation. I think in her mind this came across as me slipping back to being "emotionally unavailable". Hmm.. that's kind of a catch-22, I think. Being "emotionally available" during these times kind of seems like a bad idea - implies relationship talk, etc. - I'm not going there. So instead, for example, I'm going to give her a small Valentines Day gift (before she goes on her trip), with this in a card:<p>--------
Honey,<p>I thought I'd give you this as an early Valentine's Day gift. I wanted to keep it small, no pressure to reciprocate!<p>I know I've been quiet on relationship issues, and that's not because I don't think about you. It's because I defer to you to initiate this now - I'm certainly willing to talk, but I feel bad about doing it when you don't want to. And sometimes it makes us feel worse, it seems. I'd love to have talks that make us feel better.<p>My main goals at this time are to simply be your friend and help you, where I can. And to continue to live better, work on myself, and have some fun. I want to see us open up and be everything we can be for each other, but I know that requires something beyond me. So I've realized this, and have come to understand and accept a lot. I apologize for distancing myself, but please understand why, and realize that I do want to come closer - but cannot until you start to embrace it more - I can't allow myself to be hurt by pursuing, with nothing given back. I don't think I need to talk to you about potential at all anymore - I could go on and on, but the facts are there for you, hon.<p>I do love you, remember that,
Your J.R.
-------<p>- Continue to be a great guy - happy, confident, independent, witty, etc. I've been trying to do this, avoiding relationship talk, etc. Small talk, happy talk. (My honest guess - her and OM probably talk about the heavy kind of stuff more than we do now, and it probably works against them!!) And I will continue to distance myself - a bit less - but more with a view towards being a friend - no pressure, no pursuit!<p>- Start to do some Plan B preparations. See my Plan B letter draft posted here. Want to go into that on a very high note! (I've been so avoiding LB'ing at all lately - it's almost scary!)<p>- Sit back and watch. I saw an e-mail from OM to her for the first time in months. It wasn't very mushy either - even her original message wasn't mushy. With her being away, I'll be curious to see what goes back and forth. Will be a good chance to take the pulse of the A.
